Hi everyone, I'm new here, so i don't really know how to do this. I sure wish i had access to this when my daughter was little. she is 16 going on 25..... or so she thinks. she can't stand to come home.....she said this to me yesterday...... I'm trying not to take it personally, but that hurt. shes a good kid. 2 jobs, bought her own car and is keeping it on the road, non drinker....as far as i know;
I just don't know how to deal with the not knowing how to help, or how not to help her make sense of things. does that make any sense?
so everything is better now, it happens like that all the time. we had a great night Friday together and she says she is just going thru " stuff" and not ready to talk about it yet.......... i really appreciate all the responses and have a great night ladies.
I'm a young mom (21 with a 2 year old) and I remember I hated to be home when I was 16- and I had wonderful parents. I think she will grow out of it. Don't take it personally. I hated my parents then but I love being with them now, I talk to them everyday on the phone usually for an hour.
Dear K., Might I ask you a question? Think back to when you where 16...The hormones rushing, the excitement when you just looked at the boy that made you crazy inside. All the 'secrets' with your friends and the betrayals. The phone calls, whispered feelings for each other. Sneaking around and not getting caught, whew! The crazed emotions when you where hurt..You swore you'd never get over him, never forget what it was like to LOVE a Man. Or Remember what it felt like the 1st time he Kissed you...
O.K.? Got your attention? Did you want to stay home and hang around with your parents when all this was happening?...Smiling, god what we wouldn't pay to be young again (and KNOW what we do now) It all works out...D.
From experiencing being a teenager myself, just give her some space. Some teens go through a phase where they just want to be their own independent person... you shouldnt take it personally... it is just her trying to find herself..it is hard to explain, but it will get better... just give her the space she wants, but still keep your ground rules... still be supportive, and whenever she wants to talk, make sure you are there to listen, it is truly just a phase that most girls, these days, are going through. when she comes home, try not to ask too many questions... give her the space that she wants... sometimes it is too much.. with the stress of being a teenager, working, and trying to find her spot in the world.. it can be too much sometimes... as long as she know that you are there for her when she is ready to talk... no matter what time or how busy you may be... if you stop to take the time to pay attention to her when she needs you, she will always come home... you are her mom... that is something that will never change.. and her love for you will never change either... it is just a time in her life that is changing... she has to do this by herself.. just be there for her...
Hi K.
This is pretty easy. You just type into a post what's going on, or what's on your mind, and other members receive an email in their inbox from Mamasource.com with your post. When someone responds to your post, you will receive an email stating that you have a received a response to your post. To help you, you can explore the Mamasource site and read what other moms are posting - both requests & responses.
Now, as for your daughter, to help you better, I know I would need more information about what you see is going on w/your daughter. Many of us will do what we can to advise you, but the least specific the information given is, the more difficult it is to offer any kind of useful help. So, w/that in mind, did your daughter tell you anything more other than she "can't stand to come home"? At this point, what I can tell you is that it sounds to me that your daughter needs to be reminded that she's only 16. Credit her for being self-reliant; but assure her that you are her mother & that you're here whenever she needs you.
I know how you feel, I have two daughters, one 17 and one 18. At sixteen, they didn't spend alot of time at home either. As long as you trust her to make the right decisions, and let her know you trust her to make those decisions, give her some space. Though, she does need to be reminded that she is 16. She sounds very responsible! She also needs to be reminded that you are always there if she wants to talk about ANYTHING. If the lines of communication are open and honest, she just might suprise you and let you know why she does not like to come home. Good luck, I feel for you
I don't have a teenager- so take this for what it is worth... I have heard the book " how to talk so kids will listen- and how to listen so kids will talk" is a great book not only for the younger set, but for older kids as well...
Maybe she feels she has made good strides in being responsible (as you describe) and showing you she is responsible but no matter what, your being interested in her life interperets as interfering and or prying like she did something wrong. I have no idea since I am not there and don't know either of you.
Try the book and see what you can gleen from it. :)
Sounds like you have done a great job so far in raising her and she is peverbially asking you to extend the "leash." I realize that this is the perfect time for her to get into some trouble... and she is at an age where the law is not forgiving. It must be so scary.
Hi
Have you asked her why she hates to come home?
You aren't able to fix things until you know the problem.
Good luck
M.- Mom to four ages 3-18
Just reading this it made me think of my Mother. She raised me on her own with help from my Grandmother too. When I look back at how I was to her as a teen I feel AWFUL. If I could go back in time and change all the awful things I said and did I would in a heartbeat. I wasn't the worst daughter ever, I never was in trouble with the law, I worked and saved money, I would occasionally sneak a sip of alchol or a drag of cigarette but I was a long way from a "bad" kid. The older I got the "smarter" I was and the less she knew. After I turned 18, the older I got the smarter my Mother was and I knew less. I have oficially achieved the status of idiot due to the fact that I now have 9yo twin girls and a 9mo boy, my Mother is of course a genius being a Grandmother. I'll get smarter when my girls are 18! Don't worry, it sounds like you are doing everything perfectly, you love your daughter, you want to help her, and no matter what she says, she knows it. Just chalk it up to hormones and smile knowing that she too someday be in similar shoes and she will feel the way I do about my Mother.
I have a fifteen year old girl so I can relate! Sweet one moment and a terror the next..... Remember they only hurt the ones they love and you've got it big time as a single parent. My daughter has recently begun to talk about the "car thing" too (which scares the daylights out of me). Here are the things that have helped me to deal with her..... Try to enforce a decent sleeping and eating schedule (also work should not interfere with school or homework). My daughter is always testy when she hasn't had enough sleep! The car is a HUGE privilege and if she isn't willing to live by your rules (time for being home, no passengers in the car, no texting and of course, no drinking)... then the car goes bye-bye. Be firm, but don't lecture.... The sitting casually around the kitchen table (which you like to do) works well. Finally, get to know your child's friends. Take a few to the movies (you pay - so you go if you can afford it!). Be home (always) when she has kids' over. If her personality changes suddenly (problems in school, etc...), consider that she might be using drugs (really good kids get involved with this stuff, too!). Toddlers and teens have a lot in common (I have both) - they both are seeking independence and it's our job to keep them safe while giving them the freedom they need. Good-luck!
