Advice Need for 6Yo Daughter Wetting Herself

Hi A.,

Transition is so hard for little ones. She is dealing with school, a teacher, a sibling and one on the way.

Have you tried a reward system? my stepson started pooping his pants in k. We got a box for us, his teacher and both sets of grandparents, we made a chart and gave one to everybody as well, every two days without an accident meant he got a prize from the box, no matter where he was.

Maybe a little alone time with just you or dad would help too.

When I was expecting my second I tried not to change anything for my two year old. She was expecting a sister and moving into a new house. She was 20 months when we moved and 25 months when her sister was born, still using a binkie, carrying a blankie and not potty trained. It drove my family nuts, but she was happy. She will be three on Nov. 15, is potty trained, no binkie, no blankie and happy as can be!

I know it is frustrating, hang in there and try to remember where she is at.

Hi A.,

Sounds like this goes a lot further than the potty issue - sounds, in fact, like a call for help, especially since ignoring it caused an escalation in the behaviour. Some kids are really not good at talking about their feelings, and can do stuff like this in a subconscious effort to get someone talking to them. One big, obvious, possible issue for her - you are pregnant. Lots of littler kids regress with potty training when a new baby arrives. At six your daughter understands that a new baby will arrive, and so perhaps she is regressing early. How does she feel about your pregnancy? Good luck with finding the solution to this!

Usually reverting to wetting oneself is triggered by some new change in their life. Perhaps your being pregnant has your daughter feeling uncomfortable. The wetting is not the problem, it is just the symptom, so find out what's bothering your little girl. My son also started pooing in his pants and wasn't the least bit embarrassed or concerned. We finally had to take away his beloved gameboy to get him to stop. He also just "didn't want to stop playing to go to the bathroom". I would tell him it takes a 1 minute break to go, so if he couldn't handle that then he wouldn't get to play at all. Good luck.

I would find out what her currency is (ie. favorite toy, t.v.) and take it away everytime she goes in her pants.

My son was invited to a birthday party and he really wanted to go and he chose to go to the bathroom in his pants the day before. We canceled going to the party and told him why he thought twice before he went in his pants again.

Children really respond when they know what the consequences are.

If a physical reason can be eliminated, then by all means, it sounds like the very things she is choosing to do in lieu of using the bathroom need to be taken away. NO games, tv, etc if there is an incident of any kind. You may find that the mere mention of taking her to a Dr. to rule out a physiological reason, may be enough for her to re-think her choices, as she'd likely to be embarassed.

There are a lot of priliviges that are just that - and she needs to have respect for you, others, and herself. There's nothing wrong with taking away her favorite things/activities to teach her a lesson.

You didn't mention her having the problem at school, which leads me to believe it is controllable, and is just an attention-getting/control issue.

Best,
C.

I was just wondering if this started when you got pregnant and started talking about bringing another child into your home? Not that would have anything to do with solving the problem, I was just wondering if there was some change that triggered the problem. If so, that would be where I would start by letting her know that her place in the family is secure and that you'll need her to be the big sister and help with taking care of things.
Anyway, have you tried having her clean up after herself? My son had a hard time potty training because he didn't want to leave a game or stop playing. When he peed I made him first go sit on the potty and finish. I usually made him sit there a minute whether or not there was actually any more pee. Then I would get the towels out and make him clean the floor. Now I really didn't expect him to do a great job and I would usually finish it off, but he was required to try to clean. All of this was to remove him from the fun and to illistrate that there are consequences for not going to the bathroom when necessary. He eventually learned that peeing in the pot was a lot quicker than peeing on the floor and he would get back to the game a lot faster.
It worked for us. Good luck. I hope you find something that works for you.

Hi, A. -
This may be a stretch, but do you think there is any possibility that your daughter is somehow reacting to the fact that you are pregnant again? I only put this out there because my older daughter was completely potty trained well before the birth of her twin sisters, but she completely regressed afterward. It didn't last too long, but it was bad. All potty training that I had worked a year on was out the window. She would even poop on the living room floor - on purpose!! I know kids can really act out at times of change, and will sometimes do anything to get the attention they need.
I wish I had some suggestions to offer, but it may just need to resolve itself. Good luck to you.

As mean as it may sound, put her in a pull-up. She WILL stop.