Advice in Dealing with Childcare Provider

Hi A....boy did you get a lot of responses! I have an inhome day so I can see it from both points of view too. I agree with those that said if you aren't comfortable with your daycare provider you really do need to look for someone else. Thats just a gimmy. You need to feel good about who your baby is with and if you aren't happy your just going to be miserable all day thinking about it. On the other side of it, your daycare provider needs to be able to feed your little one when he is hungry. She spends a majority of his awake time in her care so she probably has a really good idea of what he may or may not need at any given time. Also, when your taking care of more than one child, you need to be able to be flexible and do what works best for you. Also, I know that I have people, my mom or a couple of good friends, that will come and fill in for me if I have a conference at school for one of my kids or something that I have to leave early for. If you trust your provider...it shouldn't be an issue. I would never leave the kids I watch with someone I didn't trust completely. You spend 11hours with these kids everyday, you love them and want them safe and happy too! I try to give my parents notice but they know that if I forget to tell them that their kids are in good hands and the people watching them are familiar with them and know what to do in any situation. I hope that if you do decide to look for another provider you are very upfront with them about what you expect so that they can let you know if it is something they are able to work with. I will always try to respect the parents wishes but If I felt like someone didn't trust my judgement with them...I would be hesitant to keep their kid in my care. Part of me wants to tell you that you are being too picky but I just don't know you personally. Do what feels right to you.

If you feel concerned for your child, you should take him to someone else. I am a childcare provider and I feel that it is part of my job to always respect the parents wishes for their child. If I completely disagree with something, I will let them know my reasons and I have even told a family they should seek other care, because I really couldn't meet their needs, even though it meant losing money on my part. Your provider should be upfront with you and you should always feel comfortable leaving your baby with them. If not, trust your gut and find someone else. You are paying her to care for him(and probably paying a lot), so make sure you are getting the care you think he deserves.

A., if I was you, I would look for another provider. Babies need schedules!! If she is not even trying to work with one you have in place for him absolutely I would have issues with that. Keep in mind, I let my sitter adjust my kids schedule if needed as they grow, which obviously they will, but we are in constant communication so I always know what is going on, vice versa.

For example today I am leaving early for both of my kids well baby visits, I asked her this morning to either stretch my daughter's lunch or give her a quick bottle right before I show up, so that she will go on a full/semi full tummy at the dr's. But with that said, I have complete trust in my sitter, and I know she will do whatever is best for my daughter, so if my daughter begins to act fussy due to the change (which can happen) I know she will take the steps to make sure she is comfortable. It is not about making my needs come first .. we both agree over our needs .. my kids needs come first.

Also .. about the leaving and having her mom being in charge. I have HUGE issues with this. My sitter has a VERY few occasions where she has to step out. (In two years ... maybe twice this has happened!!) Days if not a week before it was to happen, she let me know that it was going to happen and her daughter would be there to watch during the appoint. This gave me time should I not agree with it (which I do) to make other arrangements. If this happened all the time, I would not be happy about (if she wasn't telling me in advance.)

If I was you ... I would find someone new!

I am sorry you are going through this!

A.,

First of all, YOU ARE PAYING HER MONEY TO WATCH YOUR CHILD AND DO WHAT YOU ASK, if she isn't capable of doing that, then you need to seek childcare elsewhere! There are tons of other options out there!!

Your baby boy is your concern, not the child-care provider or her mother! How did you find her anyway? Did you advertise or what? What did she promise to do?

If I were you, I would find someone else that you can feel comfortable leaving your baby with, if you don't then you shouldn't leave him there!

Good Luck,

G. B.

A.,

First and foremost this is YOUR child and you need to feel comfortable in how he is being cared for while at daycare. My suggestion is to sit down and talk with the childcare provider and see if you and she can reach a comfortable agreement. If she's not willing to follow your guidelines in terms of caring for your child, then seeking alternate care may be your only solution.

I would also check on if her mother is licensed by the state to provide care while she is absent. Normally the state has particular guidelines as to who can be there and what the ratio is for caregivers v. children.

When my daughter was about 3 I put her in daycare and since I work for myself I was able to pop in and check on her frequently. Several times I found her with 15 other toddlers and only one caregiver. The day I found her with 22 toddlers and one sleeping caregiver I walked her out of there permanently. And this was a fully licensed franchise pre-school environment.

Keep your child first (as it seems you already do) and follow your gut instinct.

All the best
C.

Is your child the only one that she takes care of? If not how many more and do they all eat at the same time. I am a child care provider and I had a mom give me a schedule. at firsst it worked but when her daughter saw the other children eat she wanted to eat at the same time. I explained it to her and she understood. All it takes is communication. In my opinion.

I totally agree with Maggie. I think people basically have their "way" of doing things. Most likely, human nature says people will react negatively to criticism, even constructive. So, I'd say you're safest to do like Maggie said, yank him out politely w/o warning. The last thing you want is for the lady/mom to not treat your kid as top notch-you know what I mean too-where you can't pinpoint anything they're doing "wrong", but they judt don't have the warm feeling toward your kid.

Then, work on finding someone/somewhere where you can tell them your issues upfront and ask if they can realistically do what you ask.

I am sure it's very hard to be in that situation. Good luck!

R.

I am a mom of 3 and childcare provider for over 10 years and so I can see both sides of the coin. My first reaction is that if for any reason you are uncomfortable with the choices that are being made, it is time for a change. Dont let yourself feel guilty, or rude, for going with your gut. Honestly you dont need any reasons, if you just feel uncomfortable, it probably wont go away even if your concerns are adressed. However, sometimes the provider is better able to assess a childs needs during the day, as we spend up to 11 hours a day with them. No provider should do things with out consulting with you first, and both of you understanding and agreeing to the changes. Although it seems your provider is not taking things seriously, there are times when I have suggested a change, or explained why a certain feeding schedule would not work for the group. I have never had a parent disagree, and they are usually undersanding and willing to at least try a change to see how it goes. The most important thing is that you can communicate with your provider, and that both of you are working for the common good of your son. I imagine that it might be hard to accept, but sometimes the provider has a good reason for not being able to carry out your wishes to exactness. But like I said, it should never be something that you are not fully aware of and agree with. So I think it is time for a change, and for you to find someone that will help you in raising your child, not frustrate you!! I hope you find just what you need, there are great in home providers out there, it just may require some effort:)

Hi A.

If I were you I would move him to a different place.. Once there is friction between parents and providers 85% percent of the time, its taken out on the children. And being picky, you can never be too picky that is your baby and you need to think of the best interest of your child...

Good Luck

I totally agree with Amber; infant schedules change a lot depending on the day. some days they eat, cry or poop more than usual.
I thought Gladys comment about the money was a bit harsh , just because she is paying her, she doesn't have to do exactly what she says. That's treating the provider like a maid or worse, JMO but that was a bit too harsh. I don't even treat the maid like that.
If you are still uncomfortable and don't see a change, then look for someone who will fit better your expectations.

Hi A.,
I suggest you talk to her about the feeding schedule. She should try to follow it the best that she can because by providing and updating the schedule each month, you, as a parent, are in charge of the nutritional values, not the provider. Regarding her mother being the substitute, did you check if she has all the credentials (CPR, first aid, criminal background checked, orientation about the childcare policies, and TB test if that applies to her county of residency?). But it all comes down to how you feel about the whole situation. If you think that your child is not receiving the care he deserved, start looking for another provider.

I agree with Amber,
I have also been a child care provider for 14 years. Because your schedule at home on the weekends may be different than at the provider's, your child may be hungry at a different time. Wouldn't you rather have your child fed when he is hungry rather than making him wait until 10:00 or feeding him when he's not ready? An infant may not always be hungry at the same time every day. Other than that if your still not compfortable with her then by all means take him out. I believe in sleeping schedules but not feeding schedules. I believe thay should be fed on demand. But of course that is up to you.

A.,
I can relate with the feeding schedule issue you are having. When they dont eat on the schedule you want them too it throws off your evenings too. I tried talking to our babysitter (at the time) about it and even wrote it down for her (this is the same schedule when I interviewed her she said the other kids were on) and she still didnt feed him at the right time. I talked with her about it and even called her when she should've been feeding him to check up on the day and she never was. If you have expressed your concerns to her and have given her a reason why you want him on the other schedule and she is still ignoring it I would suggest looking for another caregiver. they are supposed to conform to your schedule if you ask and it sounds like she might be doing other things that you dont want her too. If she is changing your little boys schedule around it might be causing him some stress too. Good luck with your situation but it sounds like she doesnt care much about how you want her to organize her days.

You need to bring these concerns up with her as soon as possible. Speak with her in a calm, direct manner. If she is not willing to work with you, be prepared to find another provider. If she is (even advertantly) risking your child's safety & well-being, she either needs to fix the problems or she should not have the privilege of taking care of your baby. IMO.

A., I agree with Amber. My Mom ran daycare for years, and being home with my two girls everyday, I know things aren't the same from day to day. Kids require flexibility and maybe for some reason it is not possible to stick to your feeding schedule, but she should talk to you about it and the two of you should reach a decision together.

BUT, the bottom line is you need to feel comfortable. Ask yourself, even if she did everything exactly as you asked, would you feel comfortable with her? Probabaly not. And, yes, there are times when she may need to have a person in to sit while she takes care of something, but in my opinion, unless its an emergency, there should be advance notice given.

I would look for another provider. One you are comfortable with and one that sees eye to eye with you on the type of care you want for your son.

Good luck!
S.

I had doubts about a daycare provider my son had...she did many of the same things your provider does. I did confront her on some of the issues, which was worthless. After 4 months in her care, I picked up my then 11 month old son beaten and covered in bruises - enough that we spent a night in the ER getting a CAT scan. PLEASE follow your gut feeling and find new daycare if you have ANY doubt!!! Fortunatley my son is fine, but the "system" failed us miserably and allowed this woman to keep her daycare license.

Personally, if I'm not comfortable enough with a caregiver to talk my issues over with them, it's a big sign I need a new caregiver. It sounds like this is an in-home care, and in that case, I would absolutely expect notice when the caregiver changes. Bottom line, this is your child's caregiver for many hours each day. If you're not completely comfortable with the arrangement, look for a new one.

I'd suggest NOT talking to her. Just take him out. If she's that irresponsible, talking to her won't change her ways, and you certainly don't want a ticked off, irresponsible babysitter. Your gut instinct is the best indicator of what to do. Make sure she's paid up and get out of there. Don't "warn" her of his last day. Just have a check for the appropriate amount ready to go (even if you have to pay for time he's not used yet), pick him up and say "Thank you for your help, but we've decided to use a different care provider."