Advice on Finding the "Right" Daycare

C.~

I can relate to your feeling of "doom and gloom." Many of us can! Starting your search IS overwhelming. Honestly, you just have to dive in and start interviews. Once you get started it will become easier. My son started daycare at 3 months of age, and was already in his THIRD by 10 months! In my opinion, home-care is the best choice for infants. My experience in a center was that they basically left him in his carset in his crib all day, or in a swing all day. However, the downfall to an in-home is that you really have to find someone that you trust.

Make sure to go in with a list of questions... when my husband and I started interviews, we thought we were asking good questions, but after our first daycare experience we realized we overlooked a lot.

As far as dealing with the guilt of sending him to daycare... just remind yourself that it doesn't make you less of a mother to do so. Look at the positive side to it... your child to be will learn to socialize with other children, and they will also learn how to be away from mommy and daddy. It is extremely difficult the first week, but it does get easier with time. The time that you do have with your child will be even more special, and you surely won't take a moment of it for granted!

Try not to stress about it. Enjoy being pregnant and spending the first few weeks with your little one. You have plenty of time to find that perfect daycare. Best of luck to you!

I know what you are going through...I went back to work a month ago and my daughter has already been in and out of the center we chose for her while I was still pregnant. It is so hard to find good infant care. The great centers typically have impossibly long waiting lists. We are putting our daughter in a new center at the end of the month--hopefully it will be better. We are reluctant to take her to an in-home provider, but you have to figure out what gives you the most peace of mind. Here are some things we learned by choosing the wrong center for our daughter:
1. Choose a center with at least a 1 adult to 3 babies ratio.
2. Choose a center that takes 9 babies or less (12 in one room is too many)
3. Find out if the teachers interact, talk, and play with the babies beyond feeding and changing them. Don't take their word for it---visit several times to observe them before you decide on the center. I would do this for in-home care too.
4. Find out how much time the babies spend in "baby holders"-- swings, bouncy seats, etc.
5. Find out how and where they put babies down to sleep.
6. Ask them about their policies and protocols for handling and feeding breastmilk (regardless of whether your child is being fed breastmilk). How do they ensure that each baby receives the right bottle and what do they do in case of an accident?
7. Go with you gut--if something doesn't feel right it probably isn't
8. Visit the center when other parents are dropping off or picking up their children. How do the caregivers interact with the parents?
9. What type of information do you get at the end of the day--do they keep track of naps, feedings, and activities?
10. Do they give babies tummy time everyday?
11. Do they allow you to drop-in anytime?
12. Check online reviews of the center.
13. Call DHS to see if there have been any complaints filed and whether they have had investigations done.
14. Even the most expensive places can deliver poor quality care--we found this to be true...
15. Look at a lot of centers, even if they have long waiting lists, it will help you compare and decide.

I am a home daycare provider. Here are some things that I think are important. The number one thing is to make sure that the daycare provider that you choose has kids older then your own. In your situation that isn't a problem. Go visit the daycares that have openings. Really all you can do is go with your gut. You normally get a feeling about a place.

C.,
I felt the SAME WAY with my daughter!!! I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her with a stranger. Plus, I'm a pediatric nurse and have seen the results of a bad daycare. I was terrified! I opted to go with an in-home daycare because I think they are more personal than a center. Ultimately the choice is yours and I would investigate both. Some of my friends love their centers! I looked in the paper and on Craigs list. I found my provider on Criags list as have most of my friends (believe it or not). We went to interview the people and asked questions like "do you hold the babies when you feed them" and "do you let the other kids hold the babies" among a ton of other questions. We went by gut instinct (which can say a lot). If something doesn't seem right, don't go for it! First impressions are key! You'll know when you've found someone you are comfortable with. I googled "questions to ask a daycare provider" and found some great ones I hadn't thought of. Good luck in your search! It's hard!

Michelle has great questions to ask! I also agree that you should start looking ASAP! Our daughter is 7-1/2 months old and we are still on waiting lists at some of the centers we toured when I was 6 months pregnant! Thankfully we were able to get in a great center that we love. The best thing we did was to ask coworkers, friends, just about anyone we met with kids or grandkids if they had any daycare options they would recommend. One of my husband's coworkers suggested the one we are at. I was somewhat familiar with the center and felt good about it, but it was very reassuring to hear friends talk so highly about the center.

I totally understand your anxiety about leaving her little one with strangers. Our daughter started daycare at exactly 6 weeks (thanks to a new job I had that denied me maternity leave). I think I cried every morning for the first week. I still wish I could stay at home, but I feel good about where our daughter spends her days. Good luck!

Hi C.! I can relate...it's so scary. If you don't know another parent personally who you can get a referral from, I think the next best thing is to post your request with a small, local parenting group whose philosophies you identify with. For example, if you are planning to breastfeed--find your local La Leche League leader and ask her for a referral. If you agree with Attachment Parenting philosophies, look for your local group and ask for referrals there. You'll still need to interview the person but we've had some real success using this method. Lastly, remember to listen to your instincts and don't be afraid to be picky. If something doesn't "feel" right, it isn't :)

I agree that Michelle has a lot of great questions though they don't all apply to a home day care. I had my oldest at a home daycare strting at 4 months old. I had to visit a lot of homes before I found one I was comfortable leaving her at. Now with my 3rd I found that the county website gave a lot more info than the list I had 8 years ago. Here it gives the nibmer of years the provider has been licensed, info about animals, smoking in the home, fenced yards etc. I would look for someone who has at least a few years under their belt. Do your phone interview ask about the number of other children and their ages, the number of adults working at the daycare and of course if they have any openings. Ask what hours and days they are open (My sister had a day care she loved but they were only open M-TH so she had to change her schedule to accomate that). Ask about the policy for when the provider is sick or how much notice you will receive about vacations or provider days off.
When you visit check out how clean it looks and feels. I went to one place where the family ginea pig's cage was on the kitchen counter and the the toys were piled in a fire hazard heap in a room. I bolted out of there.
Ask about their food program. YOu will usually need to provide formula but your provider might be on a program and be able to get the baby food as part of your fees. Ask about time outside, look at the nap room, play room and ask about TV. If you really like a place drop in at different times of the day to observe the interaction between the provider and children, and the children with each other. These children will be your child's friends so you want to see how they treat each other.
Good luck with your search!

Hi C.,
Finding the right daycare is a very challenging process, but you can do it. I guess first you need to decide if you are going to go with a center or a family daycare. We are in a family daycare so I'll just tell you what we did with that. We first got a list from the county of all of the licensed childcare providers within a certain radius of our house which it sounds like you have already done. Then you just have to sit down and start calling. You can get a list of basic questions to ask from the county website. I tried to do a pretty good phone interview. You can usually get a feel for them right there on the phone. The first thing to ask is if they have any openings because it is HARD to find infant openings for when you need to start so there is no point in wasting either of your time if they don’t have an opening. It's best to get started ASAP as infant openings fill up fast. If you get a good feel for them on the phone, setup a interview with them in person. This allows you to check out their house and do a more detailed interview, make sure to get references from them as well. Once you have interviewed a few and like them, make a call to the county licenser and check up on them. They can tell you how they are rated by parents and if they have had any negative feedback on them or any dings on their license. I think this is an important step that a lot of people don't do. We found one lady that we liked but called to check on her and found out she had her license revoked for a period of time due to an incident so we ended up crossing her off the list. If you are still interested go ahead and call the references and ask the parents anything you want to know about them. If you liked what the parents have to say, go to visit them during the day while they have children in their care. We had an instance where the provider said the things we wanted to hear in the interview but was completely different with the children so I also think this is a very important step. I hope this helps. The best advice I have for you is to do this ASAP and don’t wait till you are on maternity leave and need to have child care lined up. The sooner you look the more openings you will find. As far as going back to work, it is very hard. I had a really hard time with it but the good thing is once you find a great daycare your child will enjoy the interaction they get with other children and will also learn from them. I think that is what makes it easier for me to leave my baby at daycare. She LOVES the other kids, and I know she is well cared for and has a great time at daycare. Also, when looking for daycare, trust your gut feeling. It will probably be right. If you have any hesitations, don’t bring them there. I hope this helps…
S.