Advice from Mamas of Preschoolers and Up-- Birthday Gift Ideas and Protocols

Hi
I wanted to just note that I agree with Lynn C. If we didn't go to the party and they weren't close friends, we just didn't give a gift. I never expected people that couldn't come to my child's party to give a gift. I often thought that children get too many gifts anyway. It's usually too overwhelming for a small child to open one after another gift.
It is totally good to only invite 4 children for a 4 year old. Everyone had good ideas about presents,although I'd like to add home-made cards and gifts are good.

I love Scholastic books. I order 3-5 of the .90 books each month it comes out & now I have a nice stockpile of gifts. Match it with a .29 box of crayons (I stock up at the Back to School sales) and it's a great gift. I also sometimes print off of the computer free coloring pages in the theme of his/her party and staple them together to create a coloring book to give with the crayons.

F.,
It is difficult getting gifts for other gender children. We have been fortunate that the girls that our boys choose gifts for are all tomboys and love the gifts.

For little boys, ours loved matchbox/hotwheels cars. (Winco sells them and any Target, Fred Meyer, Toys R Us, etc.) They are pretty cheap.

Another suggestion is to find age appropriate legos.

And my favorite is books. Little kids love toys, but at the pre-school age, books are perfect because they are starting to learn about books and reading. I recommend Barnes & Noble, Powell's or Borders. They have people who can help you find age appropriate books that don't cost an arm and a leg.

When our boys are invited to a birthday, if we can make it, I have them pick out the gift. I have the say of yes or no because of price. By having them pick the gift, they are picking something they like and the birthday child is most likely to enjoy it too.

If they are invited and we can't make it, I don't get a gift. If you feel you need to then I suggest a card with a mini packet of Haribo Gummy bears.

Good luck.

While that's really nice of you, I would suggest forgoing the gesture. It sets expections and pressures on other Mom's to do the same thing. Plus, you're going to be getting a lot of invites through the years. What would be a nice gesture is sending a birthday card to the kid/Mom saying how much you appreciate the invitation, but you have plans already.

I would go with the Goodwill books. Also, Title Wave, located in NE Portland has REALLY cheap used books from Multnomah Co. library. Since the kiddos are little how about pencils, $1 Store crayons, or stickers...but a packet and give one sheet to the kiddos.

*A note about birthday invites in schools...it's totally inappropriate, especially if every child in the class is not invited. I'm a teacher and the rule at our school is NO invites passed out at school. It eliminates kids feeling's getting hurt and keeps the teacher out of the middle of family conflicts.

I have always given the kids a $5 limit for presents for their friends. I would say you could go less and still get something nice. A hot wheels or two fro the boys works well and a Littlest Pet Shop works good for the girls.

I am not sure I would get a gift if my child wasnt able to go to the party. I think the only reason I would get teh gift would be if the birthday child and my child were espically close friends or we were close with the family. Maybe I am a party pooper tho. :)

most boys at this age love cars and hot wheels/matchbox cars are about $1 each at places like Target. I know my 5 yo son would be happy with a couple of these as a present.
Hope this helps.
A.

Well, some people might think this is weird but I have been buying some really nice books at Goodwill. Some hardly seem used and they sell for anywhere from .49 to 2.99 (at the Portland Goodwill), Seattle all childrens' books are .79 (not sure where you are). I think books always make a nice gift and its the tought that counts. We are on a tight budget too so I appreciate your question. You could also consider having your daughter make something. Have fun at all the parties!

Art supplies! I recently spent just over $5 for finger paints and stickers for my son's 4 yr old friend. My son picked out the gift himself and I was happy it was in our price range. I never spend more than $10 on a bday present but generally keep it to $5. I have a second grader and he's invited to at least 8 bday parties a year and now my younger son is starting to get invites from his preschool pals so we have to keep it reasonable.
Books and play-doh are also good bets and pretty inexpensive. Kids this age esp. love sticker books. My son just had a bday. His favorite gifts were: a set of plastic bugs ($1), stretchy colored worms ($1) and modeling clay ($3)!

I am on a tight budget myself, and I found that all I needed to do is go to the dollar store and get a package of colors, some drawing paper, a color book, maybe a bottle of bubbles, put them all in a little pail if its a boy, or a purse if its a girl, and you have a great gift. At 4 and 5 years of age they are not much into the price of stuff, all they care about is how many things they can get. You can go and spend $5 and get a bunch of fun little things that will keep any 4 year old happy for a while. It makes it even better if you take you daughter and tell her she can pick out 5 things for the gift, add a little bit of learning while you shop. lol

I am a book giver, and books are great for all ages, especially young children. You could even stock up on books at Powells.

Birthdays can be crazy for kids. I think you've got the right idea to keep it small. Your daughter, and the other parents, will appreciate an intimate gathering a lot more. (If each kid brings a parent, now you have 8 guests!, etc.) Less is more for kid parties, generally speaking. Be considerate to other parents by discreetly asking the invitees for their address and sending the invitation to their homes. Let them know it will be a small gathering. Like a previous poster suggested, there are sometimes kids and their parents who become upset if they do not a receive an invitation. No one wants to feel left out.

One fun activity would be to have some dress-up clothes on hand or a face painting kit. Kids LOVE to have their face painted. Let them tell you what they want...they are usually very happy with their own imaginative creations. I do think it's fun for the kids to have a little something to take away from the party, and it doesn't have to be expensive. Large bags of mixed beads can be purchased at Michael's and other craft stores, just have some elastic or funky shoelaces on hand: voila! a necklace or bracelet.

Keep it easy and focus on the fun. The kids don't usually appreciate a bunch of planned games at this age, and at birthday parties, it's especially important that any games be cooperative. It's already hard enough at that age not to be the birthday kid; to be the loser at a party and watch someone else get a really nice prize is worse. That's why crafts are great, because the kids stay engaged and all go home with the same thing.

That said, in regard to gifts, I'd "think simple". Bubbles are something you can buy a large pack of and give to all the kids on their birthdays, and something everyone generally likes. Most families I've worked with complain that their kids already have enough toys, and so an consumable gift (something that the parents don't need to take care of, find space for and eventually goes away) is great. Packets of seeds are inexpensive, or a forcing bulb in a vase/jar full of rocks is also fun. You can package the rocks, jar, and bulb separately and include instructions for the child; let your daughter illustrate it or put a ribbon or two on the jar. Books on sale are always good, too. And handmade is wonderful, so if your daughter has an idea about what she'd like to make, roll with it. If those don't appeal, how about a packet of stickers, or a box of silly band-aids? I can guarantee the band-aids will be appreciated!

Happy birthdays!

I would go to the dollar store and stock up on a few things. Or look through the dollar and $2.50 bins at Target. There are also some bins in the toy section at Target now with items for 1.99. And I wouldn't feel obligated to give every child a gift that gives you an invitation when you can't go, maybe just the ones your child is good friends with? You have to draw the line somewhere, or you could go broke!

you could always buy a nice book that is age appropriate. One favorite is "Where the Wild Things Are," soft cover should be under ten dollars. Dr. Suess is another favorite for this age group. My daughter just started preschool also, I understander your concern.

The birthday thing does get crazy and start early, I agree! I usually buy three or four of something on sale and keep it in my "gift closet". I let my kids "shop" for something to give their friends out of the gift closet.

Right now I have Play Doh, Polly Pockets, a cute pink hoodie sweatshirt, a Lego kit, a bunch of birthday cards and gift bags in there. I just buy stuff when I see it on sale (Target is a great place for this) and then buy cute Dollar Tree things to add to the package. Popular dollar choices are flavored lip balm, toy cars, cute juice/water bottles, hats, pencils.

As for party ideas, keep it small. When my kids were a bit younger, we would take 3 friends and go somewhere (movies, Oaks Park, zoo, OMSI). I could take 4 kids in one car, I could handle 4 without adult help and it wasn't too expensive. We would take snack bags with us, then come home and have cake. Kids loved it, simple and cheap, especially if you have a membership to zoo or OMSI.

PS You do not need to give a gift if you aren't attending the party :-)

L.

I think you do not need to give any gift if you are not going to attend the party. It's not like a wedding, where a gift is expected whether you attend or not. Also, the child probably will not connect the gift with your child, so there isn't going to be much of a "goodwill" value. Save your money for giving gifts to children whose parties you actually attend.

It is perfectly ok to keep your child's party small (or have none at all!). But if you are not going to invite the whole class, do not distribute any invitiations in class. Find out the addresses or emails of the invited children's parents, and send out invitations away from the school setting.

There is no need to give a gift if you're not going to the party. Once kids are in a classroom setting, a lot of parents feel the need to ivite everyone in the class, so your child and the birthday kid may not even be close friends.

My circle of friends has started a great tradition: NO GIFTS!Recently, all the birthday invites we've received have requested no gifts. It's great. The birthday boy/girl doesn't receive tons of stuff they'll never play with/wear, and it's so much easier on the guests. Not to mention the parents not having to remember who gave what gift for thank you cards.

Maybe if nobody has started doing this by the time your daugter's bday rolls around, you should start the trend.