Advice for Parents of a New High School Student in the Fall.

Keep the lines of communication WIDE open. Listen, listen listen

It is a whole new ballgame but it can be a very good one.

It sounds like you have a good son. Be aware of any changes in behavior, etc. and above all Listen.

Well, my daughter is in 6th grade, and I only have one..... but this might help.

I started parenting her differently this year. We moved from Chicago to a smaller town that is MUCH different. As a result she has a TON more freedom (like she can go to the bus stop herself, and she can be home alone while I go to Walmart etc) but at the same time I'm WAY less involved in her school.

So, I sort of transitioned her with the "big girl" mentality. I started involving her in things like the budget...... here is how much money you have to buy clothes for school. Let's talk about how you will make those decisions. That gave us TONS to interact about..... why are Abercrombie shorts $54 but the ones at Target are $15. Do you want 4 pairs from Target or 1 from Abercrombie and why? This was hours and hours of discussion, and shopping.

The other thing that was good - for a couple years (that I will call the Suite Life on Deck years) I sorta stopped watching TV with her. I had watched those shows and knew the content etc.... and she started wanting independence, so I sort of let her watch stuff by herself and gave myself a freebie pass to vaccum or pay bills without waiting until after she went to bed.
THIS YEAR.... way different. She wants to watch the grown up shows. But let me tell you we have had some of the deepest BEST conversations during (and after) Glee. That has been a FABULOUS show for us to watch together.
I also started playing the Wii with her. Doesn't matter - pick a game. One game every other day...... Now, this is key.... you can BOX with your kid!!!!! You can get out all your aggressions about whatever mouth they had yesterady and just beat them silly!!!!!!! it's quite therapeutic. Of course most of the time she wins, which is a burn.... but still fun!!!!!!!!!!

And while we are doing these is when she talks. We can start talking about Rachel and Finn, but suddenly she is talking about something that happened during math that day with Walker and Maddie. So, I get a little "in" and the HARDEST part is you have to stay completely calm and not talk. Just listen. And ask questions. I make myself ask 3 questions + a "what do you think about that" for every 1 opinion I give.

I actually feel closer to her than I ever have. And at the same time I can't wait to box with her so I can beat her silly, cuz her mouth drives me nuts!!!!!!

Good Luck.

Did you read the blog on the homepage? That's what it's all about.

Basically she says to "listen with your lips shut", cell phone put away, no other distractions - really listen. If your teen thinks you are REALLY listening, they'll keep talking. She also says to ask open ended questions and don't worry or try to fill the gap of silence after asking - leave it open for the teen to think and consider before responding.

Sounds like good advice to me!

Check out the book "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Just be there with him, when you can. Listen.

When my two stepkids were in high school, it seemed more important than ever to be home and to be their "landing pad". They led more and more independent lives, but they appreciated that we were available to them.

My baby started his school this yr and is almost my sophomore :( I love that boy with all my soul and I too and like that. Jr high was a nightmare for us and I was so worried about hs, but it has been great over here! I too am learning how to let go a bit and let him learn to be his own man. Its not easy! When he is struggling with something I want to rush in and fix it but you have to let him sort it out. I wait quietly in the wings and an my advice is to let him know you are always there no matter what the case is. This is a exciting part of his life and you know your child. Life isn't easy and all we can do is be that rock they need. So many days I just want to scoop him up and never let him go but we have to. High school can be a great time and just keep encouraging him. My son made the baseball team and I made sure I was at every game, always there so he knows just because he is older, im still mama and he can count on me. Good luck to your growing baby and especially to you!

Continue to be a part of his school. Attend things like orientation, parent's night, a sporting event, a fund raiser. It will help you to meet his new friends. It will give you topics to discuss.

Ask lots of general questions....
Any thing interesting happen at school today?
Mr. Smith seems like a nice teacher, what to you think of him?
What book are you reading in English class?

Remember some days, actually most, you'll get 3 word answers. Every now and then, you'll actually have a conversation. It's important for him to know that you want to communicate with him and that you're interested in what he has to say.

Take full advantage of car time. If you're driving him to an event and it's just the 2 of you in the car, it's a great time for a conversation.

I've had some of my best conversations with my teen daughters when I take them out to lunch, one on one.

Ask simple questions that lead to longer conversations, "how was your day" "where did you go for lunch?". Always remember the "who and where" Who are they with, where are they going. Keep track of names- if the names start changing say things like, " I dont think I know him/her" try to stay up with friends meet them. If you are lucky conversations turn into teenage rambling you can get a lot from rambling. I listen a lot- what happened at school, at work, at his friends house. Seems insignificant to you maybe but never make them feel it is. Keep it open "starter questions" very important.

When you are in the car after school and before school turn off the radio and talk and listen.

Try to have some one-on-one time. Find a male mentor for him if you are unmarried.