Advice for Only Child

I am also raising an only child; my son is almost three. I'm dealing with the same sort of problems and am looking for some other moms to network with. I live in Streeterville. If you're interested in coffee and playtime, e-mail me at ____@____.com can swap kid stories and tips for coping!

Dear R.,

Obviously, play groups and activities will go a long way to aleviating your feeling of being overwelmed. But I would also suggest reading a book on birth order characteristics. I wrote a paper on birth order in grad school and it is quite amazing. Unlike typical advice for children in general; first borns and only children exibit many of the same characteristics and carry them throughout life; appreciation for authority (with the age appropriate challenges of course), advanced language skills, desire for grown-up approval, etc. I think by understanding these characteristics, you may be able to better understand what your child needs and WHY he is acting in certain ways.

Good Luck,
L.

I have the same problem with my three year old. He is an only child so he is always asking my husband and I to play. I play with him and his toys and games (I'm a stay at home Mom) but after hours of this frankly I don't want to play. Afterall, I am an adult, and I have to maintain the household. I was thinking about getting him into Gymboree or My Gym so he can play with other children. I'd really like to get him in preschool, but his birthday was in October so he has to wait until he is 4. Perhaps there are some afterschool programs or park district stuff that you can get your daughter involved in. I'll probably check these out too. I'm sure it is worth it. Also I'm trying to encourage my son to play on his own at times too. Those construction type toys like legos, tinkertoys, etc. keep kids busy longer than most other toys. And also an educational video game (we have V-Smile)for about 1/2 hour a day (but no more or they become too introverted).
Diana

I too am raising an only child. She is 6 years old. It is very challenging at times, since I want to make sure she realizes the world does not revolve around her. The only way I have managed to do this is by spending one-on-one time with her talking to her about others and how lucky she is to have the things and attention she does. When I go shopping with her, there are times when I have to make a concerted effort to sayt "no" Being that she's an only child, we do have the financial ability to "please her" but that would be a huge diservice to her in the future, so I make it a point of reminding her with examples of those unfortunate children (it helps to have a visual; I have allowed her to see some shows where they are in different countries and little children that are in need...I think with this I help her in a lot of areas. I have found her to be very sympathetic to others' needs, which I think is the challenge to accomplish...Let me know if I could be of any other help and you are not alone!!!

R.,
Dealing with my only child is a handful as well. I recently started babysitting for a friend short term, she has boys, I have a girl and I am really surprised by the differences in how I need to deal with them. We both have a 5 year old. Are you a single mom? If you would like to correspond regarding some more specific issues, please send me an email. I'd be happy to offer my experiences for you to compare with yours.
M.

Hi R.,

I am a single mom with two boys, 6 and 9. Ans rasing children is very hard, time consuming and frustrating. But mark my words, making strong, respectable people out of them is the Reward. You must remember, you are not your childs best friend. And any parent who tries to be will end up regreting it as the child grows. The reason they were giving to us from birth, is to teach them right from wrong and important values. You must set standards and stick with them. I am also a preschool teacher and this is some of the advice I give the parents. I love children, and only wnat the best for them. As long as you teach your child the following you should do fine:
***Respect- of you and their father first.. and then of other. Id they don't respect their own parents, they won't respect anyone else. And for themsevles
****Honesty-- But, do get discouraged if you find you child telling lies here and there, no ones perfect. But, remember to be firm on your type of discipline and stick with it if they're caught be dishonest
*****Love- goes without saying, love them uncondiditonally. Let them know you don't like or approve of the bad things, but no matter what they do, "You'll always love them" That gives them the knowlegde and understanding to love themselves and others.
****Disappointment and Rejection----This is a very touchy subject. Most parents hate this and refuse to do it. And some think I am wrong for suggesting it. But, if we are parents don't teach it to our children first, life and the streets will. We are not made parents to cater to all of our children wants, needs most definitely, not WANTS. Children are suppose to learn appreication. And how can one really appreicate something that they didn't earn. I have parents who give the children eveything they ask for. And when the child is finally told no, they have fits, kick , scream cry. And the parents are really more hurt then the child. The child knows who to play like a fiddle. Well I have taken up enough of your time. And if you find any of this advice helpful to you, please feel free to email me personally with any questions at ____@____.com. I am always willing to help a fellow parent. Because lets face it, most of our children today are lost to us and to themselves......