Advice for Friend Who Had Miscarriage

There is a sweet book called "Big George" that I highly recommend - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1561706175/ref=cm_cr_pr_...

Your friend may be grieving for awhile. It's hard to lose a baby later in a pregnancy - she may have had to be induced to deliver, which is a difficult ordeal when you know the end result. Also, it's hard because she will run into friends she hasn't seen who knew she was pregnant but didn't know she lost it, and she will have to relive the pain all over again in telling the story. It's a difficult, painful experience. You are sweet to want to do something. I would recommend the book, a sweet card saying you care, something to pamper herself (pedicure, massage, etc), or even just make her dinner. Even a month later, I bet she would appreciate any of this. Hope this helps.

What a good friend you are to be so concerned for your friend. So many try to minimize the loss of a miscarriage, not realizing how many things are lost. The comment, "you were pregnant once, so you can be again." is generally meant well, but very insensitive.

Most importantly, let her know you acknowledge the loss and that you are there to talk with her if she needs. She will experience all the stages of grief, and needs to.

In my experience, the world as you know it shatters...so many plans we start making from the moment we know we're expecting...then it seems like every where you go, there are pregnant women and it hurts.

If you think she needs additional help, suggest she talk with others who have experienced the loss of a miscarriage and/or a counselor or pastor.

I just recently had a miscarriage last year it was heartbreaking. But I had my son to think about so I could not completely freak out he made my recovery easier for me. As for your friend she may not be ready to fully talk about it but when she is ready be ready to hold her hand and let her know things are goin to get better and let her know you support her.

Just be the best listener you possibly can, and tell her how you want to be there for her if she wants to talk. I don't think she wants "answers," just a friend. I had several miscarriages....many women do...and it is just nice to know that someone cares, like YOU do.

M.

As someone who suffered 5 miscarriages at various stages, I have heard all kinds of comments from people. While I realized that most of them were trying to comfort me in some way, they didn't always achieve that. The best thing to do is follow her response. Just tell her that you are there for her for whatever she needs even if she wants to talk. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then don't push it. Everyone grieves differently and this is such a personal type of grief that even her husband can't fully understand, but you as a mom can only imagine if you haven't been there.

The main concern is if she is still very upset after several months, then she may need to look into some counseling.

M. there is a group based here called MEND that can help your friend in ANY way she needs help. With your kind permission, I'm forwarding your request to Rebekah Mitchell.... the founder of MEND.. I've know her for 12 years and cannot begin to express how wonderful she is. Your friend will begin to heal as soon as she talks with Rebekah. I know this because I've been there.

B.