Advice - Lakeland, FL

I think you should stop it now that he is little find other things for him to entertain him with such as taking him to the park or doing other activities with him and take his mind off of her I had the similiar situation but this was with my x husband and my daughter never wanting him to go and he always told her the same thing and still does but I just distracted her with other things and it seemed to work. give it a try it might work for u too.

I think your Mom is handling this the completely wrong way. A 3 year old will most certainly remember that she says she will come for him....and he will also remember when she does not come. If she were more open and honest with your son maybe he would not get so upset everytime she leaves because he will know that she will actually be back when she says she will be. At this point, he probably is trying to keep her with him because when she goes away he is never sure if she really is planning on coming back to see him---because she has made it very confusing to him. You and your husband definitely have to talk to your Mom and tell her that it is affecting your son and you will not accept her telling him lies anymore. I would even go as far as to correct her in front of your son if she will not cooperate. He is your son and you and your husband are the ones that decide how to raise him. Your Mother already raised you, let her be the grandmother and you tell her how you need to handle the situation with your son. Lying to him is not the way to build trust in how he views what people tell him. Good luck!!! I know it is a very delicate situation.

I absolutely agree 100% with keeping with honesty. My son (4 yrs old) does the same thing when my mom leaves. He loves her very much and loves his time with her. When my mom leaves, we always tell him the truth (she has to go home and do laundry or she needs to take a nap at her house because she is tired). He swithces his focus on thinking about what Nanny is going to do rather than the fact that she is leaving. Then I always reassure him that she will come back over another day to visit. He is very smart and the DO remember and will ask you again about that same incident. I would not have her leave when he is napping because you don't want him to associate napping with something negative, he should view that as rest time and be relaxed. If he is upset and stressed out that something bad will happen when he is asleep, he will not get good rest. Good luck.

tell your mom that she has to be honest with him, and if she isnt, then YOU have to control the visits. When she leaves, whos there with him? You? So before he lays down, you tell him, that YOU will be there for him when he wakes up and do fun things together. Honesty may not put him to sleep as easily as you'd like, but eventually he'll get over it and realize that you're telling him the truth and be more confortable.

Tell you mother about your feelings and not to lie..Children are very intuative even at the young age of 3. And they may not remember everything from this age when they are grown but they do know now. And maybe try instead of her leaving while he is napping( so he doens't associate napping with her leaving) have her leave while he is awake( he may pitch a fit , but if he is going to anyways right) and explain to him what is going on instead of lying to him. Hope this helps. Best of luck to you, and you and your husband stand your ground they are your children and your family should respect your wishes on the upbringing of your kids.

oh yes you are so right!--in fact I bet the reason he does get so upset when he goes down for a nap is the fact that she is saying she'll be back and then isn't! He KNOWS this and therefore gets upset! If he has the security of knowing she will be there OR is told differently, I bet you'll see less frustration at bed/nap time...
I really think that is pretty awful telling a 3 year old that you will come right back for him and then don't! He DOES understand!
Consistency is so important!
There's nothing wrong with saying she'll be back tomorrow or soon--but for goodness sakes, get her to stop lying to the poor kid! It's only going to make him unsure with whatever you or she tells him! He'll just assume it will be like that every time.

I can totally understand why you're upset. I agree with you that your mom shouldn't lie to him. All that does is foster feelings of abandonment and teach distrust. Let's put it this way: Have you ever been watching a movie and then the ending is so abrupt your left feeling kind of robbed. It can be that way with a child. I even remember from my own childhood; if I didn't get to say goodbye, I felt like they didn't know I loved them.

The solution may be more work than your mother may be willing to do, but in the end it's about what's best for your son and not what's easiest for her. I'm sure she's an awesome grandmother. It will probably be difficult to rebuild his trust,at first, but you'll get there. Just be honest and say "Grandmom has to go home now, but she will see you again." or maybe you could give her a quick phone call when he gets up and he could say hi. Some sort of goodbye ritual helps. We blow kisses and catch them in our hands. (that allows me to back away and chase a kiss away)
I also find diversion very helpful in tough situations. When he gets upset, talk about the things he had fun doing ex:"Hey remember when we went to the beach? You built sand castles and..."
Just be consistent and patient and continue being the good parents you are.
Have a talk with your mom and let her know how much this affects your family. Is she getting forgetful? Is she lying? Does she change her plans and not call you? Let her know that whatever the reason, it needs to change. Offer to help her with that.
God bless
H.

First of all, you need to put your foot down with your son. I have this same problem with my daughter being overly attached to my mom and my grandmother. It got to the point that she was NEVER home. At 3 years old, kids are old enough to understand what you are saying if you talk to them. You and your husband need to sit down with him and explain to him that visits to grandma's house are fun and they're okay every now and then but his home is with you and that's where he needs to be. Keep explaining and he'll get the message. Then, the next time he starts going into fits (and I'm sure they are bad because my daughter does it too) whenever your mom is leaving, just firmly tell him "No, not tonight. Maybe another night." Another thing I found helpful was to have a schedule. Certain weekends are for my mom if she wants the kids and another weekend is my mother in law's weekend and so on...this helps the kids understand that just because they aren't staying when they want to, doesn't mean they won't stay ever. Kids have a hard time with the concept of later. They usually just think you mean "No" but if you explain why and when they can stay another time, they usually have an easier time accepting it. Just remember, you are the parent and you have to be firm with him.

As for your mother, tell her that sometimes she may just have to walk out the door and hear him cry for her. My mom hates doing it and I know the exact pouty face she will make as she is leaving. Telling your son (or you) that she is going to do something and then not doing it is not only just plain rude, it's not teaching your son to keep promises. That should be first and foremost your (and your mother's) most important job. It takes a village to raise a child. Explain to your mom that you would appreciate it if she would help you teach him this valuable lesson on patience and keeping promises by telling him "No, mommy said no. You can stay this weekend," and simply walking away.