I am just wondering if most adult women have insecurities or if I am just losing it. I have a ton of friends, but I feel like no one ever asked me to do anything. They all come when I have a get-together, but no one ever asks me to do anything individually.(and I am kind of over having them all over....so much work!) My kids are getting older and are doing their own thing and I think I am just lonely. I know life is so busy and I shouldn't let it bother me, but I have always been very social and just feel like I am just drying up! My husband is great....but you know how we girls need our girlfriends!
I have always been the one to ask....that's the problem. I feel like the only time we get together is when I ask. I have decided to just stop asking for awhile and see if anyone misses me:-( Just feeling like I've lost it ! Thank you all for your comments. It makes me feel better to know that there are lots of us out there that feel the same way....too bad it's a sucky way to feel, but at least we know we aren't alone. I texted one of my friends today and made a lunch date for next week. She is my true friend....I know she will always be there for me. She's just busy with her grandkids all the time:-(
I think mostly it just boils down to people being busy. Im lucky if I get together with my best friends once a month.
LOL, you're not dying up!
Do you ever ask any of them to do things individually? Maybe that will make them more receptive to getting together one on one. It will fill up more time too, doing things with each friend just two of you or smaller groups.
For one thing, everybody's busy, as you say. Perhaps another thing is that they assume you're too busy - too busy to do things with them.
Think about one friend you'd like to do something with. Think of three activities - i.e., 1) getting together at Panera for lunch; 2) meeting at the park to brown-bag and talk; 3) going to a girly movie both of you would enjoy. Then call her and ask if she would be interested in any of those options. If she'd like to get together with you, maybe she'll like one of your choices, or maybe she'll come up with something better! You'll need to take the initiative, though.
Something else you can think about is expanding your horizons. Since you're a social person (and that's great), what would you like to do that might help you meet even more gals? Maybe it would be a good thing to widen your friendship base. It's not unusual for people to like each other but grow apart over time.
And, to answer your question - yes, most if not ALL adult women have insecurities of one kind or another.
You are not alone! I'm going through the exact same thing right now. However, I'll go crazy if I don't have social contact while I wait to see if my friendship is reciprocated. So, I've been reaching out to others and am trying to build new friendships that are more reciprocal. I seem to be finding out who are friendly acquaintances, and who are friends.
I understand but have a reverse situation. I am too fearful of asking the new people I met to do anything. Most sof my close friends live out of state. Maybe find a meetup group of your interests?
I feel the exact same way-you are totally not alone!
It's most likely that your gal pals are just busy and consumed with all of the things going on in their own lives. And sometimes, the busier we get, the more into a rut we get, and then we start to think "I just don't have time to meet for lunch, a movie, a girls' night out...
Does it really matter who initiates or how the meeting happens? I'm in the camp that doesn't think so. What matters is that it happens. Make a point to ask someone this week if they'd like to get together next week for a quick cup of coffee. If the event is seen as brief, you're more likely to get a yes response. Even if that person can't join you, don't get discouraged, and keep asking others.... I think on any given day, if you look around, there are lots of other moms feeling exactly like you just waiting to be asked!
Actually, I had been in kind of a similar funk, lately. Was really, really missing my friends. We've all been busier than usual with sick kids, sick family members, surgeries, as well as the usual school, work, sports, etc.
Today, after school, we all bumped into each other and just decided to go through the PTA shed to look through props and decorations for an upcoming event. At first, I almost said "No, gotta go...homework, you know, and then baseball game, then...." But something in me knew I had to stay there, even if for a short time.
Although it was an unplanned meeting, it was just what I needed to get recharged and reconnected. The whole time together was probably only 30 minutes, 10 of which were spent trying to open that ancient shed, but we laughed and talked and realized we really needed to get together soon for our girl time. Funny how something so silly and brief could do so much good!
Later, after tonight's baseball game, another mom came up and said how nice it would be if we could get together with another mutual friend for lunch this weekend after the boys' game. I've known her for a couple of years, like her tons, and see her nearly every day between drop-off/pick-up, and basketball or baseball practice. We did get together for tea last fall, but here it is mid-March, and we're just now getting to make our plans. All because she asked....
Today's events in my little world and your post make me realize, once again, how important our friendships are, how essential to our well-being, and how important it is to reach out, especially when we think we just don't have the time.
Best to you and all your girlfriends! : )
J. F.
Just plan a girls night out, u'll b surprised his many will thank u.
We all talk about it and no one comes through. I too feel like it's always me but I'll do it any ways. The other night I hung out with two ex coworkers from 12 yrs ago. The girl who hosted had 3 of us over she made a salad, ordered a pizza, a bottle of wine & frozen cream puffs drizzles in chocolate. It was great! No one cooked and we sat and caught up.
Plan it & have fun!
