Adopting My Nephew

A.,

This is going to seem random but I am actually casting for a docu-series that is going to be on a major cable network - we are looking for people raising their nephews! We will follow one family for an entire series and there will be compensation for those who are featured. Please email me at ____@____.com so I can give you more info if you're interested. You can also check out our website www.metalflowersmedia.com to check out our list of past docu-series that have aired. Thanks and I hope to hear from you!

Sincerely,
Dan Tino

If your nephew is going to be living with you, in your care,you and your brother need to be going through gardianship proceedings for you. BUT...
I know it sounds unfair but his responsibility is to his wife first however if she is being unreasonable and her opinion/ actions/ behavior are harmful to your nephews mental, physical, emotional, spiritual state of well being then he needs to explain to her that his responsibility as a father superseeds her desire to "not like" his son. There should be no contest.

i just know this from a friend's family that has recently been through exactly what you are - the custidal parent has to release custody to you for emergency and school related things and it has to be done through a lawyer to be legal other wise he will just be staying at your house and you still have no legal rights like to take him to the er or school permission slips and all that stuff will still have to be signed by his father so yes the best thing is to get a lawyer so that you have the right to make his "adult" decisions leagally for him good luck to you and yours

My mother is actually raising my neice and nephew because my sister is unable to. I have noticed that it would actually be a good idea to at least go and talk to a lawyer because if it turns out like my mom's case that would be the only way of keeping him in your home. As far as a time frame I am not sure but my mom has had custody of them for at least 2 years now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope this helps alittle bit

Hi A.,

My Aunt and Uncle are raising their grandson because his mother is unfit. They went to a lawyer and got custodial right of him. They have had him now for over 7 years and very rarely hears from his mother and hasn't seen his father in over 3 years. My cousin knows what's going on and is starting to understand but my aunt & uncle still deal with the issues of "Why don't I see my mom or dad?". Good luck with that, it's not easy on any of you. You are a good person for wanting to take him in, I admire you for that. I would be the same as you and want to take him in too. If you get temporary custody of your nephew, he will have a very appreciative relationship with you when he gets older! That way if his father's relationship works he can get his son back. At least you'll be able to make medical and school decisions for him. Hopefully your brother realizes what he's missing with his son and puts his priorities in the right place. Children first.

Good luck to all of you!!

Hi A.,

First off I do want to say it is very honorable that you and your family are willing to take in your nephew while his father tries to figure out what he wants out of his life. (And I agree it should be a no brainer for him, but sometimes people are blinded by whatever!) But from my own recent personal experience with this, let me tell you to proceed with caution. I'm not saying don't do it, but consider all of the ramifications. My mother-in-law died last February and we took in my 15 year old brother-in-law. He's a good kid, but he had a rough upbringing with little to no boundaries and expectations for academics or behavior,etc... Surprisingly with that said he wasn't a monster, but it was certainly an adjustment for both him and us to get thrown into our way of living, which was quite a bit different. Anyhow, unfortunately there were too many issues to overcome and just a few weeks ago he went back to live with our other sister. (He grew up with her and is more comfortable with her, although I'm a little sad about it because his opportunities might not be as much there for many reasons). Please make sure you, your husband, and your kids are all on the same page about it. And realize that your feelings may change too once he's in the home. That's what happened to me. When my MIL died my husband and I were wholeheartedly agreeing that our brother should stay with us, we loved him and wanted to give him the best. But as time passed and I realized how many things were changed and affected by it my attitude was really affected. I am ashamed to say that I got bitter about certain things and I know he felt my resentment about him being here. Unfortunately I reverted to being a selfish brat, truthfully just wanting my old life back with my husband and two babies. It was hard because he got in trouble SO MUCH at school, lying, stealing, fighting, bad grades, etc... Needless to say it didn't really help with my attitude and willingness to help him when he made such dumb choices. I know I am the adult and should have been acting as such, but until you are in those shoes it is hard to judge and say how you'll be. I wish I could do many things of the past year over again, and sometimes I wish he was still with us but I know he's happy where he's at now even though he misses us and his niece and nephew too.

I dont' know how old your nephew and children are, and how long you plan on him staying with you (temp or perm) but please try to consider what may happen down the road in either circumstance. Let me at least advise this: don't jump right in and adopt him at first. Let him live with you guys on a trial basis for a set period of time (6 months, 1 year, whatever you and his dad agree on). If you still feel after that time you want him in the family permanently then get guardianship. But that way if things for whatever reason don't work out, or his dad finally wakes up and wants him back so he can be a father then you have less to go through. And again, I think you and your husband should be commended for helping the boy. I pray your family can accept him as one of your own and give him the love and attention he deserves. Good luck!

Your brother might not be choosing his wife over your nephew. He may be wanting to take time alone with her so that he can figure out what is going on with her and why she has the problem with your nephew and to see what he can do to make everyone happy. He might not want his son to have to deal with grown up issues. I would wait and see what is going on with them before you did anything that could eventually cause problems with you and your brother. It's awesome that you will take your nephew in to help your brother. Is your nephew aware of what is going on. You might need to have him talk to someone professionally just incase he is having abandonemant issues or if he is feeling that his dad doesn't love him.

If your brother agrees to let the child live with you and he agress to give you rights to the child then you can get some legalpapers and you both fill them out and sign them and have the papers noterized and file at the courthouse you wouldn't have to involve a lawyer

Your best bet is temporary custody only if agreeable with both parents. That way he can get him back and you can request medical treatments and such. Sometimes people dont realize that the child needs them more but want to make their relationship work. He will realize later in life what he missed. How old is the child?? Younger children will have a hard time adjusting than an older child but the older child will probably act out or want your whole attention as well.

I would hold off on adoption till your brother decides that he wants that. He said live with you temporarily but didnt say the last word. He will want if he is a good parent to be in his son's life.

Court may even set up visitation rights so no misunderstandings between you and your brother. Just a thought. He should not walk out of his child's life but help his child understand what is going on.

Hope this helps.

My father gave me to my grandmother while he tried to save his marraige the marraige failed and i went back to him. This is a really hard situation i suggest you got to a childrens psychologist with your nephew talk things out and get her opinion. his mental and physical welfare is the most important factor. it may cost you a bit but i think it is well worth it.

I have a friend that went through the steps to get legal custody of his grandson. The reason was to protect his grandson from being thrown from house to house with no stability. It also protects them emotionally. If you can receive legal custody of your nephew you should look into that for the immediate time period. Your brother may decide in a year or so that he would rather devote his time to his son or the wife may change her mind and want to have him in the house. I would consult an attorney for legallity reasons to protect all of you equally.