Acting Out...

If you are a stay at home mom, I would DEFINITLY follow the advise of keeping him by you as much as possible. When he doesn't like that anymore, you can tell him, "well when you can be trusted not to pee on the floor, you can roam free!" Also, can you make time everyday for just the two of you that doesnt involve laundry, dishes, tv..?(harder than it sounds, i know!) Maybe the park, a boardgame, reading?
Good luck and Bless you for dealing with a military life. I dont envy that, but do appreciate it!

There are 3 things a child has control over---eating, sleeping and elimination. So when you see a big change in one of those areas--you can guess that stress is playing a factor. A child is trying to establish a sense of control in an otherwise difficult situation. On top of that--- 4 year olds are typically "out-of-bounds" and push limits in ways a parent finds amazingly annoying and over the top. Has it occured to you that he could be literally "pissed off" about something- and trying to find an outlet. The combination of age and stress could be what is causing this acting out.

I would handle this in a very matter-of-fact way. Allowing him to clean up his own mess without yelling or freaking--simply handing him the supplies and letting him know that if he's making the mess--he's cleaning it.

Additionally some things that might be helpful is finding 20 minutes a day to dedicate to him for "special time", allowing him to make more decisions/choices, giving him some outlets to release tension (bike riding, water play, play doh, swinging on the swing).

Good luck and the nice thing about being a parent is knowing that these things do pass.

K....boys tend to act out...for whatever reason..I have four..five in total...at 4...he knows better..and discipline shoudl really kick in...as long as you have exhausted the other causes, there are no real issues and he is just being defiant...and ugly...he should get in trouble...with love...but correct his behaviour instantly. 4 yr olds know how to act...as far as the bathroom. dont be embarrased..kids will be kids...my little girl loves to be naked...well, so did i...outside, as a young girl..go figure...it will get better...i promise!

Oldest, youngest and only sex children get natural attention, so middle cild is left out of attention getting.I AM A MIDDLE CHILD!!! I felt it all my life.My parents didn't even know they were doing it. I had to find ways to get attention. Of our four kids my Aunt said she liked me best. When I asked why: she said I was always willing to help. I got attention. I took advance classes, Finished a 4 year BS degree in 3 1/2 years and a MEd. my brother took 8 years to get a BS neither of my sisters ever got even an AA degree.This is how I got attention.. Tome his wetting is his attention getter, maybe his father was it before and now he has to replance it.
Give him the cleaning stuff and let him clean up his own puddles. Don't yell or punish that's attention which is what he wants find things to praise him for. and pile on the praise

Hi K.. I would like to say "thank you" to your husband first, and also to you!! It's families like yours that we all need to give our support to!!
You definitely have an acting out problem on your hands. As a stay-at-home mom of 6, I can understand your frustration. Two of my children have very different means of acting out their frustration and it took me awhile to realize just why they were behaving the way they were.
My suggestions come from my own experience with those 2. I began trying to have that child spend some time away from siblings. Have a play date with a friend a couple times a week. Just for a couple of hours. Your son is definitely adjusting to dad being gone, coming home, going again(?). But being the middle child, especially if the oldest is a boy (second born, same gender will always look for ways to get attention), he really needs to let people know he's there. Before our #4 came along, we would tell #2, she was the creme in the oreo cookie, the best of the best. Her self-esteem needed lifting. She needed to know that she was just as important as the other two. Maybe spend some one-on-one time with him. I know it's difficult to arrange sometimes. As another thought, do you have HIM clean up the mess?? Consequences . . there's always consequences for our behavior. Take care, I pray things settle down for you.
Our prayers are with your husband and all the others fighting for our freedom!!
C. M

Put up baby gates and keep him with you. If he's not getting enough attention that will fix it. If that's not it, he'll be right there. But anything you do to punish him will only make it worse. I suggest ignoring it, and making sure he can't get to the areas where he does it. And if he does do it, without emotion or judgement, help him clean it up, he should do as much of the work as he can physically do, put his clothes in the washer, and mop up the floor.

It's just like housebreaking a dog, if they are with you they can't make the mistake. And praise all behavior you see that isn't the behavior you don't want to see. Behavior that gets no result eventually extinguishes.

K.
PS) I'm on Tyndall and stay-at-home too. If you are here...maybe we could get together?

Do you have your son clean up the pee that is on the floor or do you do it. My daughter used to throw up from crying while in her crib. She was about 2 1/2 at the time. The first time I made her clean it up she never did it again. Maybe if he has to clean it up and then have another consequence he will stop. If you start a chart wit stars and for everyday 5 days he gets a star there will be a reward of time with you or dad or friends house.

I've read somewhere that kids do this because they are either not getting enough attention or in your case he is unsure about the security of your husband when he comes and goes, so his world in his eyes might be falling apart even though it is not, and this is his reaction to the whole idea.

I am a single mom with four children, three are grown now. This happened to my oldest son and what I did was start making him wear pull up again, boy he did not like that at all. He may be trying to get your attention. My son only had to wear them about a week and that habit stopped. Hope this helps.

Children of this age have very little control over their lives. There are just a few things they can control. Eating and "toilet time" are two that thay can.

Help your child feel like he has more control by letting him make more choices. Simple things like what to wear, what's for dinner, where you should go for the next family outing, etc. Hopefully this will help ease some frustrations.

Also, make sure you make him clean up his mess. The natural consequence for urinating on the floor should be cleaning up the puddle!

Good luck!

K.,recently my 3and half yr old has been acting out by pee in his pant and getting into everything that he can making messies. He was still sleeping in our bed and I spent lot of time with him. I could not get him from the time he was a baby to take naps. Ive been reading a book about postive and negative displain and started aplieing it to him. Also I have on older child in the home that is 16 with her and her daddy we started eatting at the table every night with him for diner and after diner who everys night it is take him and give him a bath and reads to him put him to bed we do not lay down in his bed with him but we set in the room not looking at him tell he gos to sleep if he gets up we don't say anything we just lay him back down . The first couple of night were hard I took those nights it been a little over a week and now he back to telling me that he need to go pee and his behavor has inprove. We also cut down on how much TV he get to which . Him seem to be much happer because each person in the house is spending time with him not just mom. Also it less stress for for me because on the night it not my night I get to relax something I didn't get much of. I hope this is helpful for you and if you would like the name of that book just e-mail me at ____@____.com

You never have to be embarrassed by your child's behavior unless of course it's wantonly rude. Children act out. Its how they tell us something is wrong. They are too young to properly verbalize to you what they are feeling. They just know that they're feeling something. You have to figure out how to pull the information out of them. Lead them into relating to you what is bothering them. Sit down and color with him one day, just the 2 of you and see if he opens up to you. Ask him if he is aware that he has been acting out and ask if what is wrong. It may take time, but it will come out. You have already said what is bothering your son, now let him tell you how it makes him feel. My son used to open up while we played video games. (I've become quite the gamer in my old age.) We've had our best conversations over a game of Mario and we still do. He is 22 yrs old now and when he bought a new Mario game this year, he and his girlfriend brought it over to play with me.

You'll be fine. A good mom always asks.