Potty Training Regression (?) - Vancouver,WA

My daughter did this...(well in her panties, not on the carpet), but, doctor said that with a major change (like a new baby) they can regress. Even if it is knowingly. So I started potty training over again...and it took a couple months, but we are back to normal now!

I personally would make sure that you don't scold him to much for doing this...sounds like he is just acting out his frustration with the new addition in this way. Make sure you make him clean up his mess and not just do it for him. I have found that it helps a lot. He will soon learn that it is no fun having to clean up the mess himself and go back to peeing on the potty.

It sounds like your son is "pissed" (pun intended) about sharing his attention with his new baby sister (that I'm sure he didn't ask for). ;-) He's calling out for attention, good or bad, and I'm guessing that he knows that you will have to stop what you're doing to clean up his mess.

I would recommend two things:
1. I know you said you're a single parent, but have you had any one-on-one time with him since sister was born? I suggested that to a friend, and she said it's helped tremendously with her toddler who's a bit jealous (understandably) of baby brother. Could someone watch the baby for 1-2 hours while you have some alone time with your little guy? It's amazing how quickly you'll get to see what is on his mind lately while you two are having fun. Something as simple as getting a scoop of ice cream or playing on the swings with only MOM would be a big deal to him right now. :-)

Also, is dad in the picture at all? Can he have a special "boys day" out where they get to do some fun activity that they don't normally do? Many times there are free activities going on in communities over the weekends that are perfect for toddlers. I get a few email newsletters of what's happening for families around Seattle. Maybe you have something similar there. If not, check the local paper or the city's website.

I'm sure you and your little boy would cherish the time and he would feel listened to and hopefully will act up less. Plus, you can casually talk about things that upset him while you have fun so he doesn't feel like he's in trouble.

2. What are the consequences of him doing this? Does he have to "help" clean it up ? Does he get a time out or a toy taken away? Let him know ahead of time what the consequences are, be consistent and stick with it. Don't spring it on him right after he pees, decide now what the punishment will be and let him know the new rule. Also, make sure you're not giving him a lot of attention during the punishment. You want to focus your attention to his good behavior (even if you feel like you're being over the top) and minimize the attention of the bad behavior.

I wish you all the best. :-)

I can't really add anything to what the previous 3 posters have already said. I think they're right on the money.

On the comment though about having your son help clean it up, I wanted to make sure you knew about a product called "Kids'n'Pets". It's an enzymatic cleaner that is not only wonderful, but easy and safe for smaller children to use. I only discovered it after we got a new puppy...& I wishI'd known about it before...so I thought I'd pass it along. It's sold on Amazon.com, and many grocery stores.

~z

I have raised 6 children and am now raising other's children in foster care. Try not to make a fuss about the "accidents". Show him where the towels are that he can clean it up and keep a bucket that you can help him put a little sanitizer in with warm water to finish the clean-up. His job. Putting the equipment away should also be 'his job'(with a little supervision). Praise him for doing such a good job on the "accident" and let him know that "accidents happen" and you appreciate that he is Mom's big helper. He's probably looking for a little special attention and will get past getting it that way when he finds that his resposibility for it is more work than he was looking for. Give him little jobs around the helping with the new baby and praise him for being such a big helper. He'll soon forget about his past behavior and soon move on to some other way to get Mom's attention. Sometimes more irritating, sometimes less. Always looking for your love and time though, because you are his favorite MOM! Good Luck, I.

I agree with Veronica and Donna. This behavior is related to the new baby. Being "pissed" is so accurate. My 7 yo foster daughter would sometimes show her anger by squatting and urinating on the floor. Fortunately she only did this a couple of times. However she then began expressing anger by hitting me.

I agree that your son is letting you know that he needs more attention. I use the word need rather than want because sharing time and affection is a necessary part of growing up healthy.

Because you are a single mother I'm sure you're stretched about as far as possible. However, it's as important to spend some fun time with your son as it is to change your baby's diapers. Finding the balance with a toddler and baby is difficult.

I agree that it's important to not shame or berate him. I also think it's a good idea to have him clean up the mess. That alone is discipline enough.

Find ways to praise him. Does he help with the baby? get diapers, clothes,or anything she needs? Carry out the bag of used diapers?
Do the three of you spend some cuddle time together? Have you just sat with him and told him that you know it's difficult being a big brother and then told him some reasons it's fun to be a big brother. There are some books entitled "I'm a Big Brother" in one way or another.

If you don't have anyone to watch the baby so that you and your son can have some alone time you could plan some fun activities for when she's asleep.

You're probably not getting enough sleep and are feeling overwhelmed. If you can plan some time to be alone with your son life will be a bit easier.

R.,

I agree, I don't think this is a regression, but it is a way of acting out because of the new baby. I would have him clean up his own messes. Give him a washrag, point to the spot, and tell him to clean it up. That's what we did with my son when he did that a handful of times. He hated having to clean it up.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

My two-year-old, who has been potty trained for six months, has tried this a few times. I laid down the law and let him know it was entirely unacceptable, because it is. They will test and test things trying to determine where you stand, until you let them know where you stand (if you let him get away with it or are soft on the issue, he will keep on testing). Our son has stopped, because he didn't like the consequences.

R., I think you've already answered your question. Your little man is suddenly no longer the center of your universe. Often - and understandably - siblings are sort of moved aside when a new baby comes along. As frustrating as it is, please try to be patient. Are you able to spend any one on one time with your son? Especially without a father always there, it can't be easy. I really hope you can remind yourself that every part of a child's development is temporary. One day soon, you'll realize that there are no more pee stains on the carpet. I promise. You must be exhausted with two little ones. I commend your effort and your chutzpah. PS: I've know very few children who don't have potty mishaps after they're supposedly potty trained.

Good suggestions - I just want to encourage you to talk with him about his feelings, letting him know that his feelings are normal and that you understand, and talking with him about what special things he would like to do with you, and then make sure you give him lots of quality attention.

Have you considered maybe putting him back in diapers? In his mind perhaps he is equating diapers with attention in a way. You know, the "baby" gets a lot of attention that used to be all his and she has diapers, so maybe he is "asking" to wear diapers again. The thing is, is if he has been potty trained for awhile, he will most likely quickly realize that he doesn't like them anymore. At that point you could kind of negotiate with him in a way such as "well, if you don't want to wear diapers like the baby, you have to start going in the toilet again, not on the floor" That way, you aren't belittling him by saying something like "you must be a baby then" which, in some ways is probably actually what his goal is, but he is past baby and into toddler stage now. Know what I mean? Hope that helps some.

Just make sure to spend sone one on one time with him. It sounds like he's trying to make sure that he gets enough attention -- even if it's negative attention. Let him know he's still very, very important to you. Take him on a special outing, leave the baby with dad, and listen, listen, listen to him. He'll let you know what's going on.

Hi R., My youngest is 4 and he does the pee thing sometimes too. No new siblings, no changes in his life, just decides to pee somewhere new. I like these suggestions of keeping a child friendly cleaning agent on hand, making him clean it up himself and then praising him for a good clean up job. I think this will work like a charm on my little guy and I'm going to try it. Thanks for asking for advice on this subject. B.

Well bringing a baby in the house is a huge change for a lil kid. I know when we have sudden changes in our house, my son will start acting out hard core. This is his way of acting out. Something I learned with my son, is that its a control issue. He feels out of control and this is something he can control, when and where he goes potty. We have been here and done that a couple of times and each time he starts peeing everywhere, except the potty. I know shes young, but maybe give him big brother stuff he can do, Let him pick out his clothes to wear, just give him control over lil things so that way he will feel more in control of his surroundings. Just keep reminding him that its ok that hes upset, but big boys go potty in the toilet. Good Luck