Okay, I already feel like the worst mother possible so please don't respond to this post just to harp on me. We have a 4 1/2 month old son and last night was a litle rough. We were trying to rock him and nurse him to sleep at 8:00 last night but something set him off and he was screaming until 10:30! We tried everything and finally I got him to sleep by hugging and rocking him (and I'm sure he was just purely exhausted as well). When he was asleep I laid him down in his crib to sleep for a couple hours like he normally does. But during the screaming episode and while my husband was trying to calm him down, I had turned off the monitor so I could try to catch a few z's. Here's the bad part, I completely forgot to turn the monitor back on!! Normally when he wakes up I bring him into bed with me to sleep the rest of the night. We woke up this morning and FREAKED out! "Where's Rohen?!?". We ran to his bedroom and he was sleeping peacefully. I have NO idea if he cried (although I'm sure he did because he always does), how long he cried, etc.
I have always been a big supporter of co-sleeping and actually our first son slept with us until a few months ago and he's almost 3. I feel just absolutely awful, I can't even put it into words. My poor baby.
My question is now, how do I proceed?! Is the hard night everyone talks about over so should I continue to let him cry it out? Or should I give into the guilt and let him sleep with me tonight? I eventually want to get this little guy to sleep on his own because honestly I'm exhausted and just don't sleep as well when he's with me but I really just want to do what's best for him.
Any advice on what to do now would be much appreciated!!
OH MY GOSH! It's a miracle! I took everyone's advice and continued with the cry it out process. He cried 15 minutes before his nap yesterday morning and 5 yesterday afternoon. Then last night I laid him down in his crib at 8:00 and he was asleep before I even left the room without a tear! And the best part is, he slept until 8:30 this morning without crying once! (Although I woke him up at 2am to feed him just because I was worried about going too long without eating). Thanks so much for all your advice! This has been SO worth it! I am finally going to get some sleep!!
And someone asked how I got my 3 year old to sleep in his own bed after co-sleeping with us for so long--my husband actually slept on his floor for TWO months!! I DON'T recommend this to anyone, but it was my husband's idea and he's so stubborn that he was determined to keep doing it until it worked. I'm just glad I might not have to go through this again with my second!!
Thanks again for all the words of advice :)
Go out and buy the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child". I resisted the cry it out method for months but in the end I had to give in to get my baby on a good napping schedule. It was the best thing I ever did. The longest my little boy ever cried was 20 minutes . Now he goes down for naps and bedtime with a little rocking and soothing (5-10 min) with no problems. Good luck!
My only question is how did you get your first one to sleep in his bed all night?!?!?!? we are struggling with that.
L.,, you're a great mom. follow your gut this evening, if all of sudden you can't take the crying and guilt overwhelms you then cosleep. Just remember you can't look around the room at a group of adults and say "his or her mom must have let them cry it out!" ----you might giggle and think their mother dropped them on their head but never about cosleeping or not!
L.,
Don't feel guilty about last night!! Your son is fine and was never in any danger or harms way. You all actually got some sleep! There is no reason to feel guilty about that.
If you slept better, he probably did as well and, in my opinion, I would keep going with it. Let him sleep in his own crib. You will be a better mommy if you are rested and able to play and enjoy your children than if you are exhausted and short tempered.
God bless -
C.
I wouldn't worry about it. That was what we finally had to do with DS #2. It took one night for him to sleep through the night in his own room. It's not going to hurt him to cry for a while. Tonight he'll cry for a shorter time, if he cries. GL!
Definitely no 'harping' here! What happened may be a blessing in disguise! It can be a difficult decision to let them cry it out, even if you're NOT a fan of co-sleeping! You mentioned wanting the best for your son, as we all do. Don't assume that co-sleeping IS necessarily the best! There are valid points on both sides, and I really don't believe there is one superior method here. You have to go with what works best for your family. I have yet to see a child ruined or scarred by either method. If anything, I have actually witnessed a slightly higher level of insecurity in some who have co-slept, in terms of having Mom out of sight, during my employment with a mom's day out program. But they ALL eventually grow out of that as well. And again, that was just in some, not all. If your child is loved and nurtured he will be fine! Plus, think about it this way. It may be the best thing for your child if Mom has gotten a better night's sleep and has more energy than for him to co-sleep with you. Doing it now rather than when he's older and really in the habit may be easier on him as well, in terms of how long it takes for him to be done with crying it out. I'm sure the worst of it IS probably over. Whatever you decide to do, he'll be FINE! Good luck to you, dear!
I think by letting him cry it out you did yourself a favor. Unless you are a super heavy sleeper you probably would have heard him if he was crying during the night. I say let go of the guilt and let him sleep on his own. If you are exhausted and not sleeping well when he's in bed with you how are you going to be the best Mom/wife/daycare provider during the day? You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of him. Just think of this as the starting point to a new way of doing things and you'll be fine.
L.,
I have 13 mth old and he has slept with me until a about 3 weeks ago and trust me it is very hard to hear him cry, but trust me I wish I put him in his own bed at 4 mths. cause now he stands up and crys and for awhile he would fall asleep sitting up and that was soooo sad. The doctor also warned me if I don't get him use to sleeping in his crib he soon will learn how to climb out and end up in my bed anyway. So I think last night was rough for you and your hubby, but I really recomend sticking to it, because it only gets harder the longer you wait. I have been trying to get my son to sleep in his crib for months and always gave into his crying but I'm finally sticking to it and he sleeps just fine and he still loves me in the morning even if he had to cry alittle. Well I wish you luck and I hope it all works out for you. And remember babies are VERY smart and your son will learn to sleep in his crib after a couple of days, you just can't give in because he can learn that too.
A.
