-Absent Father--son's Father in and Out of His Life!!

You child's is crying out for his father's attention. The boy feels abandoned by his father and for good reason.....his father has not done right by him.

It sounds like the father of your child's wife is a decent person and also a mom. Perhaps the three of you can sit down and make some regular arrangements for the sake of the child.

I don't think your boy HATES his dad....I think he HATES feeling like he doesn't MATTER.

I wish you all the very best and will pray that things work out for the best interest of your son.

Blessings.....

Heartbreaking.

My father was an alcoholic who was prone to breaking promises. Many a "visit" went unfulfilled.
I'm sure it crushed my mother to see that.
But I can tell you this much--she never spoke badly of him, always reassured me that he loved me.
I don't know what to tell you except to be honest with your son.
Maybe don't mention the visits until it is really going to happen. Then say "Frank would like to stop by with something for your birthday. Is that OK with you? If so, he'll be coming in an hour."
IF he doesn't show....apologize FOR him... Tell him "Buddy, I know this hurts and I'm sorry. Maybe you & I could have a movie night?"
Tell "Frank" that he needs to do what he says and if he's going to set up shop crushing your son's heart--don't bother.
I'll also tell you this, whether his father is a no good so-and-so or a pretty decent guy, and even if your son says he wants nothing to do with his--he knows he is his father--his blood. Encourage some type of relationship....
Oh--and with the paternity test in the bag--you'd bet I'd be petitioning for child support asap. That man SHOULD be supporting a child that he helped to create. It certainly IS the LEAST he can do.
Good luck!

I would say your first step would be going to child support enforcement and making him pay the child support owed to his child. That way he may decide to start taking more part in it or at least he will be helping raise him. Even if he never sees him again he will at least have some part in his support.

That said, I would think that now that he has a child he may be finally realizing what it is to be a parent, to love that child and care if he is happy or sad.

The new wife sounds like a possible keeper too. She may be like my ex's wife, she's the best thing that ever happened to my family. She raised him into a pretty decent human that I call friend now.

You are in a tough place. Your son says those things more out of sour grapes. He doesn't know if or when he can have a relationship with his dad so he says he doesn't really want it. All kids love their parents, both of them, regardless of what they do.

The problem is the hope will always hurt. I wish I knew how to make that pain less but I don't. There will always be hope regardless of what your son says.

Actually there is a way to make the pain a bit less and it doesn't require regular visits. Just get it through his fathers head that if he says he will be there, he will be there. If he doesn't know for sure keep his mouth shut.

Sorry, I don't feel like I am very helpful.

Don't absent parents suck? My oldest son's father is like yours, but at least mine had the decency to move out of state and not bother with contact. Out of sight, out of mind.

I would be very tempted to stop play miss nicey-nice and tell him that because he hasn't been able to maintain regular contact with your son, he won't be seeing him again. If he has court ordered child support, push for enforcement but make him fight you for visitation and then only comply as much as the law requires. I would certainly do this man no favors.

Protect your son's heart as much as you can - don't tell him about expected visits in case his father is a no-show. Cut communication off so that he doesn't have the chance to tease him with the thought of a visit that doesn't happen. Yes it will suck for your son, but who needs to be rejected and ignored repeatedly?

My SD's absentee mother does the same BS only in a way it's worse because they lived together until a year ago and she is old enough that her mom calls or texts her directly, talks a good game about how great her life is (gee it must be great to abandon all of your kids and move in with your new boyfriend and his kid) and then falls off the face of the earth for weeks or months before popping up again to wreak havoc.

Perhaps some counseling for you and your son would be helpful - you can both learn to deal with the rejection and cope with the irresponsible father as best you can.

@Robin FWIW I read the "he hates him" comments differently and that it's the son say that he hates is bio father and wants nothing to do with his bio father. Can you blame him? Kids can definitely articulate feelings like that all on their own.

been there, my daughters father was like this im kind of wondering if we dated the same guy lol hes seen my 8 year old maybe 10 times and thats being generous... like your son she never called him daddy. i was lucky enough to meet a wonderful man and at day 2 i knew i wanted to marry him so we started talking about him adopting her. she was finally adopted after 2 years of legal hell. the adoption was finalized on her 7th birthday :) now with all that being said i know about the child support issue IF he will sign over his rights to you he will owe you child support until the day the rights are signed over. have you had an amount made up by the child support office? they can garnish his wages you have to tell them tho that you want them to go after him. if he will not sign over the rights and thats what you want to happen get a lawyer and go for an abandonment case. im trying to think of anything else but if you have any questions abotu what i said feel free to message me. but no i would not let your son see him its not helping him clearly and he doesnt want it so dont force it