I've asked many times how to get my son to transition to his own room (He still co-sleeps with us). I've taken your advice and it always goes well for about a week, and then something happens where he needs to sleep in bed with us again for a night (We spend a night someplace that doesn't have an extra bed for him, or he gets sick). Then a night turns into two nights, and two nights turns into a week, and suddenly he is back in bed with us every single night again.
Well, last week I put my foot down and decided that enough was enough. I'm due with another baby in early Feb and she will be in the bedroom with us (In her bassinet). I don't want 2 kiddos in our bedroom.
It started out well. I sit on a chair in his room until he falls asleep and then I go to bed. At some point during the night he joins us in our room, which I really don't mind as long as he isn't starting out in our room. The first night he didn't fall asleep until 10:45, and then came to our room at 4. The second night he fell asleep at 9:45 and came to our room at 3:30. The third night he didn't fall asleep until midnight and came to our room at 2. Last night he fell asleep at 10, and was in our room a little after midnight. It's definitely going downhill, but at least he is starting off in his own bed and that is my main concern. I think that once he gets more used to his room, he will sleep in there for longer amounts of time.
And now, as of this morning, he is sick! He has febrile seizures so I am extremely nervous about putting him in his room tonight, but I know that if I start him out in our room tonight by next week he will be in our bed full time again.
This happens every single time! I am beyond frustrated right now, don't really have a question, and really just needed to vent. So for the mandatory question, what do you need to vent about today?
Get him a regular size bed and lay down next to him in his bed when he has the need of you all night.
V.,
Put a small mattress or sleeping bag in your room for him so he's NOT IN your bed.
When he comes to your bed? Escort him BACK to his bed. When you let him sleep with you "just because"? It's giving him permission to come back again and again. Both you and Justin MUST be on the same page.
Get a video baby monitor so you can see him. Show it to him so that he can see that he is NOT alone.
What do I need to vent about? The government and it's inability to do anything right, make a budget, not lie to the American people...yeah...stuff like that.
I'm not sure how old he is but some kids seem to just hate to be alone at night... I'd let him sleep on the floor as some people said. Set up a little matt. Then it will get easier to get him back to his room bc he won't be leaving the real comfort and safety and coziness of your actual bed.
When my kids wandered in (bad dream, not feeling good, whatever) I let them stay but told them to go get their pillow and blanket and sleep on the floor next to our bed. I had no problem co sleeping with a baby/toddler but the bigger they got the more space they took up (plus I didn't want to make it TOO comfortable for them, that just makes them want to do it every night!)
I'm not sure about the seizures. Is this something you could have a monitor set up for, so you could hear him if he was in trouble?
I'm sorry it's not going well. And it is never good to have a sick kiddo.
I don't know if a monitor would be sufficient in this situation, but at least look into it. As far as traveling... he does not need to share your bed just b/c he doesn't have one of his "own". That is just an excuse. That's what sleeping bags and pallets are MADE for! Believe me, when kids are little, they do NOT need a mattress to fall asleep and be comfortable during the night. Not at all.
We often put ours on the floor when traveling b/c there was no bed for them. It's simple. Throw down a few blankets (stack them in the appropriate shape/size for max cushiness) and a sheet or blanket on top. Done. Or put a blanket (double folded) down with a sleeping bag on top for him to climb into. Done.
We even did this for ours at HOME if we needed their bed for adult guests!
It really is just an excuse you have used to continue allowing him to co-sleep when YOU are uncomfortable having him in a different room. Really. I am not trying to be harsh. But stop for a minute and ask yourself: did you ever TRY letting him sleep on the floor? Why not? Is HE clinging and crying begging not to be in a different room from you, or do you just assume he will have problems b/c you are not at your house? Kids pick up cues from you, and what you are undoubtedly sending is vibes that he won't be okay on the floor in another room from you. But, yes, he will! Embrace it like a camping adventure.
He's sick for now. I get that. Anytime a child is sick, things can be adjusted. But when he is well (assuming you don't give the monitor a shot) then he needs to immediately go back to his room as if you hadn't missed a day. If you treat it as the "norm", he will be more likely to do the same.
And Cheryl was correct. He needs to be walked back to his room every time he comes to yours during the night. If you really want him in his own room, you have to stop sending mixed signals that it is ok for him to be in YOURS. Do not carry him back. Take him by the hand or turn him around with a hand on his shoulder, and walk WITH him (he needs to be walking not riding) back to his room/bed. Retuck with a minimum of attention and leave. You will have to do this several times the first night. Maybe as many as 5 or 6 times. But the next night it won't be as many. And after a short time it will be the odd occasion once a week when he'll try it and you just walk him back again and that's it. Do not give in even once. You aren't doing either of you any favors by allowing him to continue. He isn't getting good sleep, either, if he is continually getting up and coming to your room each night.
It will be a rough week or so... but then it will be GREAT. Stick with it. No mixed signals.
You just have to be super strong and remember your husband can also help with this,
EVERY time he comes to your bed, you or your husband have to walk him back to his bed.
I know it is exhausting.
I agree that if he insists on sleeping in your room, tell him to bring his pillow and blanket and sleep next to dads side of the bed on the FLOOR. IF he gets into your bed, you or dad are going to walk him back to his room.
You are pregnant and need your sleep.
We used to tell our daughter she was just too big to sleep in our bed, there really was just not enough room. Of course we have a queen sized bed.
Do you still have a video monitor in his room? That way you can hear and see him in case of the seizures.
Do not let him in your bed again - EVER. If you are worried about him, then you sleep with him. Sorry :( It's a tough thing to do your your little guy.
Well you are sending him mixed messages. You tell him he can't sleep in your bed but he's there every night anyways.
You need to set a new routine with your son. Tell him that since he's 3 he'll be staying in his own room to sleep from now on. Read him a story, give him a hug and a kiss and leave the room. You might want to get him a clock for his room telling him to stay in bed until a specific time. I do that with my grandchildren or they'd be up a 5am. lol
There's no reason why you should be sitting there until he falls asleep. What's happening is that you are there when he's drifting off and then when he wakes up it's "where's mom? she was sitting right there a minute ago". Remember little kids have no concept of time so he doesn't know if he was sleeping for 10 minutes or 4 hrs.
Of course this means that when he does wake up you or your hubby have to take him back to his own bed. That'll happen a lot at first and taper off as he gets with the program.
And we all through parenting was so easy .....
The best advice I got when I was preg with my first was DO NOT rock them to sleep and put them to sleep in their own bed. I did this from day ONE and they both slept through the night for 12 hours straight. They are now 14 and 11 and have always gone to bed on their own when they are tired and I have never had to drag them out of bed in the morning. Yes, I'm a lucky mama! I hope you learn from your son and don't do the same with your daughter. However, this is what you need to deal with. I would let my son come in my room but sleep on the FLOOR next to my side of the bed. DO NOT make it cozy for him, he can bring in a blanket, pillow, animal, whatever, but he can't wake you and must sleep on the floor. Both of mine did this when they were about 3 and quickly grew out of it. Or you can sleep in his room. But there is NO way I would let him back in your bed. You are confusing him. I hope you find something that works for you, I would be beyond frustrated also. Good luck.
Instead of waiting for him to come to your room tonight, you plan to sleep in his NEXT to his bed, not in the bed with him.
This waking and coming to your room is nothing but a habit that can be easily broken if you just get up and walk him back to his own room.
my son co-slept with me until recently (he is 5.5). My son's bed is in my room even though I have a two bedroom duplex. I am a single mom and this works for me.
Even though my son's bed is in my room, he still gets up every night to try to come into my bed. I stay firm on saying "not now, i will let you know when you can climb into bed with me." I get out of bed, pick him up and tuck him back into bed then kiss him good night. Most nights he stays in bed until i wake him up for school.
On occasions when he gives me rough time to go back to bed, I go lay with him for a little bit to ease his mind and to settle him back into sleep. then i kiss him good night.
On weekends I sometimes allow him to sleep with me as its something we both agreed on. Now that I have a boyfriend, sometimes this is hard to do but I always promise my son that the night my boyfriend doesn't stay with us, he is welcome in my bed (maybe one or two nights tops). This has worked for us since I put him in his own bed full time.
It has taken me YEARS to finally put my foot down and stick with a plan. Instead of putting him in bed with you during his febrile seizures, put him on a twin air mattress. Its still allowing you to keep an eye on him, yet out of your bed. State to him why you are doing this (to keep him on track on staying in his big boy bed).
Over time, with reassurance and trust...he will stay all night. My son has nights where he sleeps without any issues, other nights (depending on his day) he will wake up one to two times to try to come into my bed. If its past 4am i will allow him in my bed, as we get up at 6am and it doesn't disturb too much of my sleep, vs coming to my bed at 1am. Do what works for your family.
