A Question of Etiquette (Sp?)

I think you are definitely blowing this out of proportion! Unless you have another child soon you will never do anything with those items, so why not let some get some use out of them.

YOou are not being petty at all. Those little outfits are special and are ones that should be kept for the memories. You should go get them. Besides that, she should not have gone over when you were not home. that is rude!

I would just ask for them back, I would say that there were some clothes mixed in that had some sentimental value to you and by mistake you had left them out. I would be mad also. Good luck getting them back.

As a man, I can tell you that we are really dumb with this type of stuff, and I am sure he can't understand why you are so ticked. I also understand that you really are upset.

My advice.... it's water under the bridge. Make sure your boyfriend understands WHY you are upset so that ground rules can be established for future events. Now you need to move on once you make your peace with him.

Her? She's just greedy. I've seen it at least a hundred times... you try to be nice and BOOM - there goes all your stuff. Don't hate her, just be mindful of what you offer in the future and be extremely clear.

Kurt

She probably has no clue that she upset you. She just did what she was told. She was told to help herself and she did. He's the one you should be upset at for putting you in this uncomfortable situation. But he probably didn't realize how upset you'd be either.

Anyways, I would definitely go get the sentimental items back. Just be straightforward and tell her that you hadn't been able to go through the clothes yet and so she needs to give the clothes back so you can pick out the special ones and then give her the rest back. Don't feel bad at all--they're your clothes, but also try not to be angry at her. If she feels attacked, she will get defensive (especially because in her mind she did nothing wrong) and it will damage the relationship and make things worse in the future.

I think you should have your boyfriend go over and explain (with you there too) that he made a mistake and that there are some clothes that you are wanting to keep. I think you should be there when he explains it to her so he can't say that you are making him take the clothes back and are just being mean.

GOOD LUCK!

No you are not blowing this out of proportion at all! You were kind enough to offer to give her some clothes so she should have waited until you were available to show her exactly what it is that you will be giving her! She is rude and insensitive for her to have just taken your son's clothes. Those are things you may want to keep forever, I understand. I would talk to her and tell her that there must have been some misunderstanding and that you would show her exactly what she could have but she needs to bring it all back.
Good luck!

WOW L. GUYS JUST DON'T GET IT SOMETIMES. IM SURE THE SISTER IN LAW GOT THE WRONG IDEA, HE PROBABLY JUST OFFERED THEM TO HER. (guys are not sentimental at all) IF I WAS IN YOUR SITUATION I WOULD CALL THE SISTER MYSELF AND EXPLAIN THE MIX UP TO HER. SINCE SHE'S A MOM SHE SHOULD UNDERSTAND. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET W/ BOYFRIEND BUT YOU SHOULD TRY TO EXPLAIN WHY THOSE THINGS (that probably dont mean anything to him are important to you) NEED TO BE PUT SOME PLACE SAFE AND NOT TO GIVE OUT BABY STUFF WITHOUT YOUR APPROVAL. I HOPE YOU CAN GET THE SITUATION RESOLVED PEACFULLY AND RETRIEVE YOUR SONS STUFF! HOPE THIS HELPS
K.

No, I don't think that you are necessarily wrong to be mad, I would be too. But at the same time, you need to realize that it was all just a big misunderstanding on everyone's part. Unless you and your boyfriend talked at length about having her come over to get stuff that you set aside, he probably heard "Hey honey, I'm going to give your sister some of (your son's name)'s clothes." And all she knew was that you told her that she could have some clothes and then when he talked to her, she probably thought that you had already gone through them and given your boyfriend the okay to let her have them. So really, no one person is wrong here. I understand where you are coming from, because I have kept my babies sentimental items as well. But I also understand where she is coming from. Remember when you were 8 months pregnant... She is probably thinking that she's nowhere near ready (even if she has TONS of stuff it still happens) and when she saw an almost entire wardrobe for a baby boy (probably in boxes, right?), maybe she thought that you were being extra generous.

Nope not at all. Get your stuff back. You can just say he (boyfriend) had no idea that you wanted to keep some of the stuff so please give it back and you will ladly give her all the items that you can, and tell her she will understand when her little one arrives - it's a mom thing> :)
Good Luck and Happy Memorial Day

Well, given that she was told to help herself to whatever, I wouldn't be angry with her for taking them, but I would be livid with the boyfriend. I would very nicely explain to her that some of the items she took with her are very special and were not supposed to be included in the things to give away. I'm sure she will understand why and give them back.

We have passed on a lot of my daughter's clothes to my niece, but I have slways taken out my favorites or special outfits. I don't think it's asking much to have those special things back.

I would be enraged as well. While there are many outfits that you dont need to keep there are definitly those special few that you would like to keep. I know that my mom saved about 3 or 4 of my outfits for me and to see my first daughter wearing them was a great moment. I think the best way to handle it would be to give it a day or two to calm down and just explain to your boyfriends sister, "hey im glad you could use several of my sons old clothes however there were a few specials one that my boyfriend didnt realize i didnt want to give away. I would really like to stop by and get them when your available. " That way you dont come off bad and you still get your stuff back. Good Luck =o)

Oh my gosh! I would be enraged too. On the sister's defense - she MAY have believed (via your boyfriend) that she had the OK to take everything that she did. He was definitely presumptous (to say the least!) to give your things away like that! I too, have precious pieces that I am saving, and would be upset.

Aside from scolding your boyfriend, it seems that the answer is simple. Simply let the sister know what happened. Maybe say, "I am glad that you took me up on my offer to use some of my son's hand-me-downs - I'm so glad I can help you. But, I have to confess that I wasn't expecting your brother to give you everything he did; he must not have realized that there were actually some sentimental baby things of my sons, and so I'd like to go through everything with you. How does Sunday sound?"

It's much better to come off with the facts that you are helping her, and that it was an "accident" regarding her brother. I'm sure (as a mom/woman) she will completely understand the sentimental aspect to your things ;)

Best of luck!

You specifically told her that "you" would go through his things first. So if you explain to her that you had not had the opportunity to do so yet and that there a few key/special items that you would like back for memorabilia sake; I’m sure that she would understand. Men don’t understand these things so you can not blame him too much. They just don’t find value in the same things that we do. I know that if my husband’s sister told him that I had promised her something, he’d point her in the right direction and say “Go to town!” Your husband’s sister is in the wrong and should not have helped herself without you being present. As a woman….she should know better.

I would go over to her house and let her know that there must have been some kind of mistake on your boyfriend's part. Let her know that you would like all of your son's belongings back and when you get finished going through them, you will get back to her. I don't understand how any woman or any soon to be mother would even do this without asking you if it is okay first. Obviuosly men don't care about this stuff but we women do. It was a total invasion of privacy.

I think it's totally understandable that you would be upset. Alot of guys really don't understand the sentimentality that alot of women have for things that serve no FUNCTIONAL purpose, but they still have alot of EMOTIONAL meaning for us.

That said, "exploding" at him was probably not the best thing. If you didn't discuss with him beforehand that you wanted to keep the more nostalgically significant clothes, there's no way he could have possibly known to keep them. As far as he was concerned, your son had grown out of them and they were no longer useful at all.

His sister, on the other hand, is far more likely to understand. Give her a call and ask if you can come over to her house & talk, and explain to her that there were some clothes she took that you didn't intend to give away; tell her that among them were his first outfit, holiday clothes, etc. and explain why some of them are special. I'm certain she'll totally understand and she'll have no problems giving those ones back to you, especially since she probably hasn't had a chance to get particularly attached to any of them.

Because of that, it's probably a good idea to explain to him that you DO get nostalgic attachments to things, and even if he doesn't get it, ask him to respect it in the future. Some of us moms are very very lucky to have partners who understand things like that, not all of us are. Just be patient with him, he'll get it.

L.,

I would hope that she just did not think about what she was doing, but I understand how you must feel. I would also hope that when you tell her you want the items back she will understand. These have sentimential value to you and if it was me I would insist she return the items. It is also some of your boyfriends fault for telling her to take what she wanted. I hope it works out for you.

Hi,
I just wanted to say that she was being rude and disrespectful towards you and your belongings... You were doing her a favor but giving her some of the old clothes, I still have pretty much everything from my daughter's first year... It is really hard to let go of some of those items... Anyway I hope you can work it all out....

I am M., I live in glendale and have a 4 yr. old daughter.

No, it was not her place to go through your sons closet and take what she pleases. You told her you would go through the clothes and give her what you didn't mind getting rid of. If she had any manners she wouldn't have gone through the clothes without you regardless if your boyfriend said she could. You have every right to get all the clothes back and tell her that she took things that you were not willing to give away, and that after YOU have the chance to go through his clothes then and only then will you give her what you don't mind getting rid of for her to chose from. Since it was your boyfriend who let her take the stuff then he shouldn't have a problem getting it back whether or not he gets the fact that those items hold a special meaning or memories.

I would call her, or go to her house, and explain that some of the items were of a sentimental value, and those were thing that you were not going to be giving her, and ask for them back. Tell her you are sure it was a mistake.. blah blah. But if you are nice about it, I'm sure she will give them back.

I would simply explain to her, that though you intended to give her several items, there are just some that are very special which you would prefer to keep as keepsakes. This isn't being rude at all. Once she has hers, she will perfectly understand where you are coming from, and if not, then oh well, just get your precious items back. You have every right to be upset with your boyfriend, but maybe talking to him about it when you are not outraged would help the situation more. Don't afraid to get your stuff back.

No, I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion at ALL. She is obviously not a mom yet and does not understant that she took things that are special to you. You should absolutely get those clothes back. I can't believe your boyfriend let her do that. Don't feel bad about asking either. Tell her that she will understand after she has her child. My feelings would be hurt if this had happened to me and I would be very upset at my boyfriend. Nobody wants to give away their childs first outfit, or first pair of shoes, those things are precious.

I don't blame you for wanting your son's things. Neither your boyfriend nor his sister were very thoughtful about helping themselves without you being there to supervise. I think the best approach is the direct one. Talk to your boyfriend and solicit his help and understanding so the two of you can approach his sister in an understanding way. There is no sense in making waves if you can avoid it. Good luck. By the way, if your boyfriend doesn't understand your feelings, I would take a second look at your relationship.

Hi there,
You have every right to be upset at your boyfriend. I would be enraged as well. However, I don't think his sister knew that it would upset you to take the clothes since your boyfriend gave her the ok. You should contact her and let her know that you have sentimental value to everything, but specifically certain things that you can't part with. If you don't want to call, have your boyfriend call since it is his sister.

Good luck getting back your baby's things.

N....

I am with you. That was very rude. I also gave some of my daughters clothes to my sister when she had a girl, but there were certain items I did not part with. Like her first shoes/dress/first holiday outfit etc. Somethings are priceless. I would call her and let her know that some of the items she took you were not planning on giving away. If she is a good person, she should not get upset. These items were not hers to begin with. She should just be glad that she will get to keep some of the stuff. Good Luck! I'm so sorry your boyfriend put you in such a bind.

OMG..I would go BALISTIC! You are not blowing it out of porportion at all! She should have known better than to rummage thru those things without you present. You get a hold of her and explain to her what your boyfriend did and that he mistakenly allowed her to go thru that stuff without you present and there are sentimental things that she took and would like back. Hopefully she'll have the good sense, and kind heart to give those things back to you and understand your position. Any good hearted person would understand your position. Bless your heart! Go and get those things back. Let me know how it goes. Best wishes,G.

No, I'd be furious. It's rude to take advantage of someone! I would (very politely, of course) give her a call and tell her you're glad she was able to find your son's hand-me-downs useful... but you hadn't had time to separate the clothes yet and some of the stuff you were planning on keeping near and dear were still mixed in with that pile. I'm totally irritated for you! Hope this works out!! If you need to vent, feel free to email me.

No you are not blowing it out of proportion. Just politely call her and tell her your boyfriend did not know that some of the items of clothing were special to you.. she will understand. GET THEM BACK ;)

L.,

I think the person with the etiquette problems is your boyfriend's sister. You specifically offered to go through the items for her but instead, she helped herself when you weren't around. Your boyfriend should not have made such an offer without checking with you. Most men don't place the importance on certain outfits, toys etc that we, as moms, do. However, that doesn't make what he did okay.

I see no problem with asking your boyfriend's sister for the items back and advise that YOU will sort through things and decide what she can have -besides, they belong to your son, not her child. I also suggest that you do this in front of your boyfriend and explain that you expect his support. I don't know if your boyfriend is the father, but if he is, he should definitely support you and if he isn't the father, he has no right to offer any of your son's belongings to anybody.

good luck.

L.

I thinnk you should just explain to her what happened. Tell her you would like to get back outfits that are special/meaningful to you. I'm sure since she is about to be a mom she'd understand the whole first outfit thing. Luckily at this point she's not attached to the clothes. She probably just took everything (since your boyfriend said she could), regardless if she even liked it. GET THEM BACK ASAP is my opinion.

Tell your boyfriend that I vote he was WRONG lol:)

I would have been upset too, I would definately, ask for the special outfits back. Hopefully she will understand.

I dont' think you are being wrong in wanting the special things back. But I would not jump to conclusions that she took things out of malice. She took things that he said she could. Just call her up and let her know which things are special to you and that you want those things back. You might even offer to take her to the store to get a couple new things that she can keep forever - because they will become special to her like the special things are for you.
Good luck and give her the doubt that what she did was a mistake taht she would not have done if she understood the significance.