A Question for Moms Who Work Outside of the Home

I am sort of an equality girl but I realize that 10-12 of "work" work maybe simply isn't the same as your 6 hours of "work" work plus 4-6 hours of child and home care. But mathematically, they do look equal and your husband is probably not looking any further than the simple mathematics of it.

I am the primary earner in our family and kinda get peeved that I am putting in the bigger hours at work but don't get the benefits. I don't get more "pin money" and I make dinner and I do the laundry and I do the dishes and I take out the garbage...Maybe 70-80% of the time. Once in a while (now in fact) I let the house go to heck, keep myself and the boys fed and clothed...Until hubby breaks down and cleans up. Hate living with the mess but hate even more feeling resentful.

I'm not sure what the question is- but my husband and I both work outside the home. We share the responsibilities. Since your husband works more than you, or longer hours (at least it sounds like it) I would think that you would take more of the home responsibilities. Yes?

If you can't afford to stay at home, then what if you start a home daycare? You are a teacher anyway, and you said you taught preschool. Sounds like its' right up your alley.

I used to be a SAHM, but I recently went back to work part time and I also work from home on my days off. My husband works full time (plus some), also he has an hour commute each way. He is gone 12 hours a day. Do I expect him to do house work once he gets home? No, I don't. I am home more, so I do it. Even if I worked that day, I still come home and do the dishes, laundry, dinner etc. Once my husband gets home, I don't expect him to do anything if he is too tired. I am lucky though, because he usually pitches in without me having to ask him to, but it is not expected of him. Now, the weekends are a different story. I do expect him to help on the weekends when he is off work, and he happily pitches in.

I had a few friends that were SAHM's and they would whine and complain that their husbands didn't help out once they got home from work, and I would think to myself "are you serious??". Maybe I am old school, but I think if you are a SAHM then the house IS your job. But you also work outside the home, as do I. I just feel like he works longer & more hours than me, so therefor I do more of the "home" work. But this is what works for us, and every house and every marraige is different. If you want him to help more then have a talk with him. Do it when you are both calm and in a good mood. Don't accuse, don't say "you don't" this or that...say "when you do X, it makes me feel X". If you make him feel attacked or accused, he will shut down and not listen. Good luck and I hope he listens to you and gives you what you need :)

It's time for the "WE" talk..........the we talk is that WE have a son, a house, jobs, etc..........and only ONE of us seems to be doing most of the WE things........So, either your husband is ignoring your request for help on purpose, or he really doesn't get it.........

You need to sit him down and talk to him..........tell him you understand that he works long hours at a job he enjoys and is working hard..........BUT, you are working too and you are still doing (name all that you do when you get home) and there are days that you are tired, sick, or just would like to get a beer, eat dinner and "de-stress" too......This is a partnership, not a sole run company, and if he doesn't start doing his share, you might just have to fire him!!!!!!!!!!

With that being said, there are ways to help yourself.......first off, don't worry about the house chores as much......do them in spurts, or space them out over the week, try to do a little every day instead of everything every day. And if the house is messy, then hubby can help clean it or not........if people come over, and the house is a mess, well, they should be there to see you, not your house..........on weekends, you can spruce up things as time allows.......

You need to make your husband understand that HE has responsibility in the raising of your son as well, so that includes having a nice home, helping him (son) with homework and showing him how a husband should help and treat his wife.......if not, your son is going to think this kind of behavior is OK and this is the way you treat your wife, you come home, grab a beer, get your supper and that's all you do!!!

Good Luck and take care..........Let us know what happens.

Tell your hubby if he wants all of the household stuff done, he needs to find a job with benefits so you can stay home...otherwise, he needs to pitch in--tired or not. We're ALL tired. My hubby works his butt off in sweltering heat (this week 114 where he works) for 10-12 hrs per day and still cooks dinner, does the trash, helps with laundry. I work PT and he still helps.

My husband works three double shifts a week, and two to three single shifts. Every night he is home, he makes dinner. Every week, he takes out the garbage. With reminding, he does anything else I ask. I would be so hurt if my husband ever said anything like that to me. Even when he's not pulling his weight, he always sympathizes with me and apologizes for not helping more, and this applies to times when I am working outside the home and times when I am not.
Are you two getting any time alone? Even when the kids were little we stayed up late, turned off the tv and talked, sometimes until 2am. Now we can go out whenever we want (our oldest is 16 and will stay up until 11 if we ask, so we can take a walk or something). It sounds like you two need more time together, date nights, a weekend away, something!