A Personal Question...

I'm right there with you...I feel guilty too but whenever I think he may be in the mood I start yawning and tell him I'm going to bed. With all the responses to this though I'm glad we're not the only ones!

I am the same exact way. I thought it was wierd too, I wish I could tell you more, sorry. pass along any good advice that you may get though.

Hi L.,
Have your doctor check your levels. My oldest sister just went through this, it is a saliva test which checks your hormones. Not sure how old you are but she is 42 with 2 little ones. All this started for her after having children.
Good luck to you!

Hello, Hopefully things will get back to normal for you. It is hard with kids and work. Try things like date night or some out of the house alone time. That might help. Good luck. It is hard balancing home life and work life. You are not alone.

You are not alone on this one... and actually I feel less alone just by reading your posting. My drive has been non-existent basically since I became pregnant with my 27 month old daughter ... about 3 1/2 years ago! We have a 5 month old boy now too, which attests to the fact that I do give in to my hubby every now and then. I don't know if this is your experience or not, but I am so preoccupied with being a mommy and balancing that with working part time, that to make time for intamacy is almost "inconvenient." I know that's a terrible outlook on the situation, but I sometimes find myself resentful of my husband for cutting into my time that could be reserved for errands or SLEEPING! I love my husband tremendously and like you, I'm all for cuddling, but he can never be content with just that so it creates tension occasionally. I try not to let him notice these unfair feelings I'm having, but its tough. He knows how exhausting life is for me, yet he still actually believes normal married couples have sex 5 times a week! Yeah that might happen with an infant and toddler around, even if I wanted to! So you can see the dilemma. He certainly isn't fulfilling his quota, I'll tell you that. Anyways, I just wanted to say you aren't the only one. I'm no expert, but I've found that the occasional willingess on your part to "suck it up" for lack of better words, is good for keeping the peace and getting along when you're both vertical. In my experience, no matter how resistent, tired, not-interested I am at first, as long as my hubby makes me feel like its not just about him, I usually end up enjoying myself 4 out of 5 times (no, not in 1 week). LOL

Hey

I can relate to you on this I feel like it might be a combination of things. For me I am a stay at home mom(but work on the weekends) and he works full time (M-F), well after getting up every three hours at night and going all day plus with the cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping, lunch making etc.. I am pretty exhausted and the thought of sex makes me cringe!!! Than another reason I feel is because I get agraveted(sp) because I do all this stuff and he doesn't help out he comes home from work at 3 either goes an takes a nap or plays with our son so i can get dinner started than goes to bed at like 9...Which at that time I just want to chill out and watch some tv so by the time I get to bed he asleep....i feel bad as well and would like to firgure out a way to reconnect with my hubby so if you get any good input pls let me know!!!
S.

L.,
You just described my life! After my first daughter it took 6 months to get over it, after my second daughter it has been almost a year . You are exhausted, stressed, and consistently putting yourself second, third and fourth on your own priority list. It is SO normal, however you might still want to talk to your doctor about post-partum depression (which I experienced when my girls stopped nursing at around 1 year) Sometimes just talking to a good Doctor or a group of moms is all you need to feel like yourself again.
good luck
K.

I am having the same problem and feel just like you. I have tried having a scheduled "appointment" day that we will have sex each week so that I can psych myself up for it but that really hasn't worked. It happened after my son (who is now 4) but my libido came back and since my daughter (who is 15 months) my libido is sooooo gone. I also feel bad for my husband. I have read that this feeling seems to be an epidemic among many women but really hasn't offered a solution that has worked for me yet. I know that having more time for myself and my husband, possibly a vacation alone would help but, at this time, it is not feasable. Good luck and if you find a solution let me know! I hope knowing that your not alone made you feel better. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful!
E.

I too am going through this, except I don't like to cuddle anymore either. It's sad that my husband has to beg for sex w/ me. I'm just not in the mood ever...or if I am I end up pleasuring myself instead of going to my husband. It's been like this for a long time w/ us but I'm hoping that it won't last too much longer with you. I'm a SAHM of three kids (daughter~4yrs, son~2yrs & daughter~1mo).

Just know you're not the only one going through this....good luck!

I had my first child last August and this hasn't happend to me at all...so sorry I can't offer any advice. But when I read your post the first thing that popped in my head is that maybe you are suffering from a little depression. Have you thought of that/talked to a doctor? Good luck!!

Oh trust me, its not just you. ;)

Can I just say you are not alone! I feel like I'm the one who typed this message...I do not look forward to sex at all, and when I finally give in, I'd rather be organizing my sock drawer! It's a horrible feeling, because I feel so inadequate, like I'm a bad wife. But I think it's alot to do with how demanding children can be, and recently it's been worse, because our son is just going through a phase...He clings onto me like he hasn't seen me all day and it's been like that all week...So come bedtime, you can imagine I don't want to be touched at all.
But I want to ask you something...Do you feel unappreciated? Overworked? Underpaid...lol...In all seriousness, I am sick of feeling like I do so much and my husband is just so unappreciative. I have to beg for backrubs, I never get flowers (haven't since my son was born 11months ago), he bitches when I don't cook (which I usually do everynight and not just pasta, but full course meals, with meat and sides, the whole deal), and when I want him to spend time with me and the baby, it's like pulling teeth...Which I think fuels the fact that my libido is gone...Besides his paycheck, I feel like I'm doing this alone. I think subconciously, I believe he doesn't deserve it...?

you are definitely not alone. I'm feeling the exact same way. I ADORE my husband, I love him with all my heart... but I have NO libido. I have NO desire for sex.
My poor husband is the most patient man in the world.

well, though I am not sure there is much you can do to change it, I do feel that maybe on a subconcious level, the trauma of childbirth may be still very fresh, and along with the body repairing and resetting itself, the mind must also. I have heard that walnuts increase womens' libido, it may be worth a try, I would research if there are other dietary means of increasing libido, but I wouldn't advise taking pills promising such, rather I am talking about purely just different kinds of food that might get your blood flowing ;) it's also a fact that the more sex you have, the more sex you'll want to have. The only other thing I would suggest is doing some reading on sex - whether it's an informative medical style, erotic fiction, or how to book, just getting your mind thinking about it more and maybe introducing some fresh ideas may not be a full solution, but should get you started. Hope this helps, I know how you feel, I get in the mood very seldom these days, but then again, I haven't tried to do much about it yet, being a SAHM, I don't even get a chance to THINK about THINKING about it ;) I wish you the best.

I've been there and I know exactly what you are going through. With kids, your life goes through so many changes and the priorities get all shifted around. You have so many more responsibilities and people depending on you for different things, that intimacy is just one more thing robbing you of time for yourself (even if it is just time to sleep or even pee in peace!) Luckily I have a fabulous husband and great communication. That doesn't mean he necessarily LIKED waiting for me, but with open communication it was much better. I made it clear that he was not the reason and that I had no interest in other men. We tried to shift some stuff around so that I was able to feel more like my own person. I started my own home based business, started going to the gym and pilates classes and just making more time for me. It actually helped me appreciate the time I had with my kids and husband more, because it wasn't so abundant and less like work.

We also did a vacation, just the two of us. I stressed out so much in advance, thinking I wouldn't want to be intimate because nothing seemed to change yet for me. While we were gone, though, the day-to-day responsibilities melted away and we got right back into our intimacy. It was sooo reassuring! So be patient, talk to your husband, and don't expect it to turn on and off like a switch. Good luck!

You are not alone!!!! I am going through the same thing. I even talked to my doctor about it and she said not to feel bad, that it is completely normal. By the time I work all day, get home to make dinner, clean up the dishes, do laundry, play with my 22 month old, and get her to bed- the last thing I feel like doing is being intimate with my husband. It has caused some stress in our relationship, he feels I am unhappy with him, I just try to explain that I am exhausted and I just want to be left alone!

Tell your husband to hang in there you'll get it back .... promise. Your trying to balance it all. To much on your plate. If you don't have to work and can stay home that might work.

If I were you, I would have my thyroid checked. TSH levels. Good luck.

Hi L.,
I have been there as well..Here are some of the things that I have done and it worked!! Pick a night that the two of you can have a date yes I said date lol you do not need to go out for this..after the children are in bed make a very romantic dinner that you both will injoy..I had my bed in plastic and some warm baby oil on the stand..back to the dinner I had candles witch help to set the mood ;) low music going in the background after dinner we did some slow dancing with the feeling here and their:) took our time..When we did enter the room both not just one of use both were in the mood he was shocked to see the bed covered took the babyoil and had put some on the bed we had oil everywhere..Needless to say the date went off like a bomb now we sometimes just do this just because...

It seems to be after we all get married that we forget the little things that turned us on before the marriage,and need to find it and bring it back to our marriage..All those things that we did back then work well so why not not use the same tools in the marriage right...Most important is to have fun with it not treat it like a job!!! I could go on about different things to try but give it a try and see what happens ;) been married for 18yrs going strong GOOD LUCK to you hope this has giving you a little help of ideas...

S. :)

I am there too. I have 3 kids 9,6,almost 3. He is a Iron worker and when he comes home I have supper made then clean while he just watches TV. He is in bed at 7:00 and the kids are up later than him. By the time I Cook,Clean,Homework,Pickup kids from playdates take them to CCD, Read Stories, change the baby put them all to sleep at different time. I am not really interested. Im just aggravated because I got no help. As I fly by him on the couch during his snoring time. The only thing I want to do is sit and relax. Never mind satisfing him. I want my own time. He actually wants me to wake him up to have it because he is sleeping while the kids are up.LOL isnt that funny

Hello L.! I actually have the opposite problem, I want it all of the time now, and my husband doesn't want it at all! It makes me feel really bad though because I hate how my body looks after I had my daughter, and I think that he is repulsed by me... Be glad that your husband still thinks you are beautiful! Maybe you should try to approach sex differently, and make it fun instead of another chore... Like, say you are taking a shower at night when the babies are sleeping, take a shower but when you come out, have some sexy neglige stashed in your closet or something and totally surprise him when you get out of the shower and are dressed up for him! or something creative and crafty like that. You have to feel sexy though, it helps you out too! Plus planning a night like that will give you something to look forward to during the day... Its hard to get into doing it sometimes, but whether anyone wants to admit it or not, sex is a BIG part of marriage... So have fun and good luck!!

HI L., same here my friend. It really stinks doesn't it? Do you take any time for yourself or for you and your Husband? I've heard from my GF's that it's really important that you do this because what happens is we've forgotten our old selvs and we're in "Mommy Mode". I don't even feel sexy anymore. I just joined a gym recently and I make a point to hang with my GFs more. My hubby and I have been going out on dates, the baby sleeps over someone's house. Good luck. It's hard and you're not alone. ; )

Wow. I feel the same way. I have 2 children also and I recently had my 6 week check up and the doctor asked had I tried having sex and I was like.. no, never again as far as I'm concerned. I used to love being intimate with my husband before the kids and now... I just want to be left alone.

Hi there! My son is 13 months old and I feel the same way! I have NO libido... I used to have a pretty high one now nothing. I mean nothing. There isn't ever a moment I am like yeah I want it.... I thought it was just me! I don't have any advice I just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!

Hi, L.

I had that problem too. I felt like I just don't want to be bothered by my boyfriend. I'm not sure why I am and why I did feel like this. My(GYN) Doctor said that happens to some people that they lose there libito I guess? But, It took along time to get back I mean along time, I was missing out on alot. If you know what I mean. LOL, I had a c-section with my first child then just a vaginal birth with my second child. they are now 9,14yrs old. I too don't mind to cuddle and stuff but I feel like if we have intimacy and things I don't want to get pregnant, yes I know use protection. He's the only one. I also feel like if he starts to touch me I'm like oh god what now.. I AM CLUELESS WHY?? May be hormones have changed, the body has changed. ?? C.W

Hi L.,
consider yourself lucky that your husband still wants you and lunges after youlol. My bf of 4 yrs won't comenear me won't take any interest in me at all. I am not saying i am looking for it 24/7 buta 2 months dry spell is long enough. When i dop ask him for it it feels more like a booty call which is reall sad. I have never met a man with no sex drive at all. We had a son a year ago andhe used to be on antidepressants which is a side effect but he has no excuse now and its really sad that when i try and bring up the subject he tunes me out and says he doesn't wan to to ahve this conversation. So i know what your feeling becuase i was like that for a while but its not healthy to haveo sex at all. Any advice you can swing my way would help. Lol

I think this is more common than most of us know. When you have babies and your body changes, that's hard enough to deal with, but if you breastfeed, it becomes an issue of not feeling like a sexual being anymore because your body has been so functional! At least this is my experience and opinion. I think women would rather choose sleep much of the time because we are so starved for it, and we are always on the go doing things for the house and family. That being said, it is important to connect for the health of the relationship. We have to make time specifically most of the time - it's not romantic and spontaneous but at least we make the effort, and we're always better for it. If things don't improve for you, perhaps talking to your doctor is a good idea just to be sure nothing is out of whack. Again, I really think this is quite normal, so don't worry! The question is, what you do about it and when. Good luck!

I was releived to see this post and all the people who feel the same way as you and I. pheww....its reassuring to know that i'm not the only one out there. I too hate to cuddle. ugh!! the thought of being touched makes me cringe. Its been like this since my son was born 6 years ago. Most of the time I 'just go with it' because I just don't want to hear "is it me?"...its not, i love my husband i just "don't want to"....

Boy, do I relate to this....but bottom line is this,...you need to start to fit in "mommy and daddy" time. You deserve to be able to be intimate with your hubby, "date night" is what we have at my house....either the kids go to bed early, or they get to spend a night at their grandparents...so we can have some adult time...know what I mean? it's hard though,you feel like you're doing something wrong, by not spending ALL of your waking moments being mom,employee, and trying to toss in wife, well...you can't put your marriage on the back burner...kids do come first, but don't put yourself so far on the back burner....You'll do great!

Hello,

I too am going through this. I have found that we needed to make more "us" time. Have a babysitter come and babysit for a few hours. I have found that we have reconnected our love. I also blame the IUD that I have, I have periods for like a month or two (light spotting really) So that kind of ruins the mood even if I am in the mood. I plan on having it removed soon. I also think that working and "TRYING" to keep the house nice and clean is also a stress that makes you tired. Not having enough energy doesn't help the sexual drive if you know what I mean. So I hope this helps in some way.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you....other than the fact that you're TIRED physically. If you have a choice to not have to work...save the job for later or try some type of job that you can work out of your home. After pregnancy, your body goes through some major work of it's own with hormones getting back in order. You need to set aside time for YOU even if it is an hour and half nap each day your hubby gets home from work...or try and coordinate it with the children's naps. (Yes, even your four year old.) It does amaze me so many mom's today do not "make" their children nap when it is such a good thing. Believe me, it does not keep them up at night. It does the opposite. Their little bodies need rest for rapid growth. It does everyone good. Also, don't forget to include the "payday date". That's when you have a sitter every two weeks...on a payday and you and hubby go to a show or dinner or bowling and spend time with each other. This is important too. Once your well rested and you've invested into each other...your libido will come back...but REST is the first priority. Take care.

L.,

I can totally feel your pain! I am in the exact same boat. I just turned 40, have two kids 9 and 11 and been married 20 years. I haven't really been interested in that for awhile now. I too feel bad for my hubby! I think he's given up on me in that respect! I am thinking maybe I should make more of an effort. Or maybe we need to get out of the house and go away (even just in town) to a nice hotel. Maybe just not being home would help. Worth a try!!

L. L

I know exactly how you feel! My hubby is very understanding as well, but I feel awful turning him down. I need my personal space and personal time, and I don't get much of either, and I think that's a big part of it. I've been to counseling by myself for years and my husband and I go to counseling together a couple times a month, and although that makes us feel better and closer to each other, it hasn't helped my libido. My sister has the same issue and she hasn't made much headway either. I wish that we weren't so pounded by the outside world about how we should look, feel and act, and I think that sometimes I expect too much from myself, thinking that I should be supermom during the day and sexy wife with plenty of libido at night. I'd love to hear if you make any headway with this issue. Good luck! Sorry I don't have better news....

Holy cow, do I understand. I've been married 7 years and have 3 sons. I'm pretty sure I still love my husband. There certainly isn't anyone else I want to be with, unless Vin Diesel counts. I just can't stand it when he tries to touch me in an intimate way, and has caused a huge gap in our relationship. We tried counseling and that helped in some ways, but not with the intimacy. I live in New Gloucester, if you ever want to talk or anything just send me a message.
K.