A Pacifier Addiction!

You seem like you keep giving it up and then giving it back.. You have to give it up or let her have it. You can't say well maybe she can have it at night or at a nap or maybe just tv. she doesn't understand that. What she does understand is she can have it.. so now she wants it back. If you want her to give it up.. then you have to take it away... and don't look back. She will get over it in time. Or if you feel she just isn't ready.. only keep one in the house.. if she loses it or it breaks then that's it.. it's gone forever. Dont' keep 4 or 5 around the house just one.. and like I said when it gets lost.. well that's it.. good luck..

Do not give it back. Then she will know that if she acts out enough she can get what she wants. My son was being funny and spit his pacifier in the toilet. I flushed it away (took it out first without him seeing). I said you did it - you threw the pacifier away and it flushed down the toilet. We had some hard night sleep and he asked for it over and over again - tried to fish it out of the toilet, etc. but he eventually got over it. Now when we have friends with babies over we talk about how he is a big boy and how he flushed his down the toilet. He is finally ok with it. Be strong - it is not fun but it will eventually get better. If you give it back you will eventually have to start all over again.

once you take it away dont give it back it isnt easy but you will be done with it. we took my dau to the zoo and left her bottle there for the baby monkeys.
Good luck.

alright, trying to restrain from 'you should have not...' a 3 year old with a pacifier. true, it's not the end of the world, but it isn't doing much good to her teeth, just one of the things. she's not just strong-willed, she's a three year old strong-willed... so you will have a hard time giving in, then taking it away for certain times etc.
ask yourself: are you done with the pacifier?
if yes, take all of them, in a plastic bag and out of the door. no paci left in house. none, not even for things get awful. and they will get awful. but don't give up. she will ask for it for a few days, even weeks but if it's done then let it be done. a three year old won't care much if paci fairy needs it, or if mickey wants it. she wants it. why are others more important than her? so take it. don't talk about it. she'll cry, console her but don't try to explain except 'you're a big girl now, you don't need it.'
i hope you get this thing going soon
good luck

Both of my children were completely addicted. We did cold turkey after explaining that it would be a certain day a certain time (sounds like your Easter experience) Both children 3 and 1 1/2 were so sad, angry, etc. The worst of it lasted only 2 days. The older one had trouble going to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and when he was awake did not really know what to do with his mouth. He kept put his hand in it, or fingers - thankfully, he did not end up with another sucking habit - he was just working it out. Within a week we were good, and I kept telling them how proud i was of them - they weren't babies anymore.... Even months later they might start crying and say that they wanted their pacis back, but it wouldn't last and they and their teeth are so much better for it. You have already gotten through the worst of it - don't give up! Do it for them. Good luck.

I agree with Stacy do not give in. This is the part of parenting that stinks!!!! Try to just distract her and when she talks about it just ignore it and change the subject. If you give it back she is never going to give it up. I had a little girl who is in my daycare had it until she was 4 it ruined her teeth and her speech has suffered as a result. She does not need a pacifier. Try making a new and exciting bedtime routine so taking away the pacifier can become a distant memory. I know it's tough to listen to but that is part of her plan to wear you down. It's nice out go to the park let her run around and get fresh spring air and get tired enough to fall asleep without her pacifier. Good luck and hang in there.

We just got rid of my son's "paci" 2 weeks ago and and he is 3. We planned for it for a while, talking about it and why we need to get rid of it (teeth/overbite and he had a chapped spot from it) He used it only at night. So finally one day he said he was willing to give it to the paci fairy. And so I took it away and he got a gift (something (a toy) he really wanted) in the morning when he woke up. All fun until nap time. He cried and it broke my heart, the way he just looked at me like he was sad that comfort was gone. He didn't want to nap and carried on. I told him he didn't have to sleep but that he had to lay there and rest...so he did and finally fell asleep. 2 weeks later and naps & night time sleeping are not what they used to be (takes longer to get to sleep, he looks at books in his bed (keep the door ajar and hall light on) to unwind and sometimes it takes him an hour. He sometimes fights me on naps too but we haven't missed one yet...It was much better after a few days and now 2 weeks later better still. He asked me for it back but I told him then we'd have to give back the toy and call paci fairy back...so he held strong. Sorry for the length of this. Bottom line, you are right...you should not give in at this point b/c it will take you twice as long next time . Just find ways to help her re-learn to sleep like small toys, animals, books, etc...hang in there and good luck

HI K.,
I'm in the same boat with a very strong willed 3 year old boy. I always try to give my son choices when it comes to the things that really matter to him, and so far it hasn't led me wrong. You can always try calling the Easter bunny and asking him to return the pacifiers, explain to her that although the Easter bunny will return them she is a big girl and really doesn't need them anymore, and you won't be buying anymore. Then snip off the tips of the pacifiers when they are returned to her. She won't like the feel of them, but it they are still available. Chances are after a few nights she'll just give them up because they become harder to keep in her mouth. Either way, I have never seen an elementary schooler take a paci to school with them, this too shall pass! :) Good Luck!

I never took my kids' binkies away from them... they gave it up on their own.
My niece was one who did not want to give it up... her pediatrician told my sister she wouldn't take it to college with her, and to let her have it. She didn't even take it to kindergarten with her.... she gave it up before that.

If it comforts her and soothes her,.... big deal...is it hurting her in any way? Will it matter when she's 20 years old that she still had a binki at 3 or 4 years old? If the answer is no, then let her have it. She'll give it up when she's ready to do so.

I was having major problems with my son's binky use; well actually it was more along the lines of a binky addiction!! My friend absolutely raved about the cut method, and all of the psychology behind it. She found it on www.bye-bye-binky.com , which is great that it was also free. We went with it and OMGosh... worked so beautifully for my son with NO tantrums, not even one! Thank you God. Five days later he did not want anything to do with his binky. What a relief it was to all of us to finally be done with those darn binkies. Highly recommended! I am also interested in others experiences.... B.

I suppose it depends on your reason for wanting to get rid of it? This will always be a sticking point with me, because I had a paci until I was three--at which point my mom "lost it" (only in the past few years did she admit she took it away). I still remember vividly searching high and low for it before bed, missing it terribly. So I don't think I could ever take a paci from a child, but that's just me personally. BTW, sucked on the thing ALL the time, and I never had braces, and have perfect teeth. Today, they are designed to be even more tooth friendly.

I have a friend whose son had a pacifier issue. We have the same pediatrician--he gave her some unorthodox advice--told her that her son will give it up when he's ready, and that we all have coping mechanisms. Some of us eat chocolate, others drink beer or wine. Well, many children soothe with pacis. I think my son's friend finally gave them up at age 4. She created a "pacifier fairy"--the fairy takes your pacis when you're ready and leave them under your pillow. These pacis go to babies who need them, and the fairy leaves a present for you in place of the paci you leave. She said it took awhile, but he slowly left pacis for the fairy, and was proud of himself each time he did so.

So I'm afraid I don't have any great words of wisdom--just maybe a different perspective. Good luck whatever you decide!

K. - Don't turn back. If you give it back to her you will be teaching her that all she has to do is cry or whine and you will give in! It is setting a bad precedent to her. She might hate the Easter Bunny but it's better than her controlling you! If you give in, that's what she's doing. Good luck and stay strong!

DON'T GIVE IT BACK!!!! You've come this far, you need to put your foot down. I took our son's away cold turkey right after he turned two, and we never looked back!! It took only a few days and he stopped asking for it. I couldn't stand the fact that he started demanding for it, that was the end of the road for us!!! And he had a blanket and still does as a comfort zone so it is good she has something else. I actually wish i took it away sooner, before he started demanding it.....it's funny we were just looking at old pics and we saw one with a binky in his mouth....i asked him what it was(he just turned 3 in jan.) and he forgot!!! Be strong and don't give in to her, that will only prove she can get what she wants! Good luck!

Hi K.,
My pediatrician said to cut little nicks in the pacifier, slowly over time. I did it for about 4 days, cutting one nick each day. The pacifier slowly became less satisfying for my son, and he gave it up easily after that. I remember it being pretty easy, but I'm not sure if that was because of my son or the method itself. Good luck.

Toss it and don't let the paci become a topic of conversation, let alone negotiation. She's three and sounds like a very bright and articulate child. I would suggest having one final conversation about it, let her get upset, acknowledge that she's upset and then don't make the paci a topic of conversation again. When she brings it up, remind her that you have already had this conversation and that the she is a big girl and change the topic. Remember that you are the parent and there is no need to negotiate with a toddler. If you start this pattern now, imagine the negotiations when she's 16!

This will probably go on for a good month or so, but don't give in or you will be starting all over again and it will be much worse b/c your daughter will know what behaviors result in her getting her paci back.

My son is only 11 months, but I am a child psychologist and have worked with preschool students for years. This is the advice that I gave to my sister-in-law who was in the same situation. It was difficult for her, but it worked. It also stopped both of my nephew's from attempting to negotiate items once their parents said "no" b/c they understood that the final answer was final.

HI K.. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO 3 AND HAS A STRONG ATTACHMENT TO HER PACI. IT SEEMS TO BE HER COMFORT ZONE AND SHE USES NOTHING ELSE. I HAVE TALKED TO MANY OF PARENTS, HER PEDIATRICIAN, AND TO PEDIATRIC DENTISTS THIS IS WHAT THEY ALL HAD TO SAY. IF THE PACIFIER COMFORTS YOUR DAUGHTER THEN LET HER HAVE SHE WILL NOT HAVE IT AT 5. THE PEDIATRICIAN SAID IT DOES NO HARM AND CHILDREN THIS AGE ARE LEARNING AND SENSING SO MANY NEW THINGS SOMETIMES A COMFORT ITEM IS GOOD FOR THEM. THE DENTISTS BOTH SAID THAT SHE COULD HAVE HER BINKI UNTIL SHE WAS 5 OR 6 THAT PACIFIERS ARE NOT BAD FOR THEIR TEETH THEIR FINGERS AND THUMBS ARE. IF YOU FORCE THEM TO LET GO OF THE BINKI TO SOON SHE MIGHT GO TO THE THUMB SUCKING. your DAUGHTER SOUNDS LIKE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS MAYBE JUST LET HER HAVE IT. if YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT HER HEALTH OR TEETH TALK TO YOUR DOCS BUT SHE WONT HAVE IT FOR LIFE. SOMETIMES I THINK WE TRY TO MAKE THEM GROW UP TO FAST INSTEAD OF ONE THEIR OWN.

K.,
Please don't give in to your daughter this time. You've come so far. Hardly seems worth turning back now. She thinks the Easter Bunny has it so that's it. It's gone. If it shows up again, then she will question your control (or lack of) when it comes to getting what she wants. Don't let her win this one. Its been dragging on for a long time already. Try not to dwell on it and hopefully she'll forget about it too. My daughter was 3 when she finally gave her pacificer up. It was a struggle. We talked about when it was going to happen and then we went to Build a Bear and she said goodbye and gave it a kiss and into the bear it went. The first few days were rough. She wanted me to tear open the stuffed animal and get it out. I held my ground and am so glad I did. After a few days, she stopped talking about it and all is well. Hope things smooth out for you soon. Hold tight!

Have you tried any of the books about giving up the pacifier? I spent about 1 month reading a bunch of books with my daughter right before she turned 3 and then we talked a lot about the pacifier fairy. The fairy came on the night she turned 3 and took all of her pacifiers to give them to new babies and then left her a big kid toy (we got a train pop up play tent).

Good luck

I went through this with my daughter (2 1/2). She used a pacifier in the van, for naps, and at night. I tried taking it away from her gradually. I started with not giving it to her in the van...unless it was an hour trip.

I had trouble with naptime. Bedtime was out of the question for the first week. A friend of mine told me to put a hole in the top so it lost suction. She was pissed and would throw it across the room. I'd give it back to her and she would throw it again. I kept doing this for a couple of days until SHE decided she didn't want it. I had to be stronger willed then my daughter and not give in.

We have been Binky free for four months now.
Good luck,
Nanc

Hi K.,
I was in the same boat as you with my little guy. He is very strong willed. I stuck to my guns and to my surprise the battle didn't last nearly as long as I anticipated. Hang in there. Giving it back now may send the wrong message.

Good Luck!

If you give in now, you'll never get it away. You've done the hard part, now stick to it and it'll be over. If you give in, she'll know that if she cries long and hard enough, she'll get her way every time.....that's not a message you want to send to a strong willed 3yr old.
Try to really make her proud of being such a big girl and leaving it for the Easter bunny. I'd emphasize what a "big girl" she is and how fun and wonderful it is to be a big girl.
Good luck. Throw it away, so you can't give it back.

Our youngest was 3 & 1 month when we pulled the plug. It was a complete nightmare on everyone's end. She would throw herself down on the floor, kick, scream, yell - but we had to do it. Our oldest was 6 months when our pediatrician told us to get rid of it & although she didn't have the same attachment to her pacifier, our trouble with her was the night time bottle. The way we looked at it was however far we had gone would just be down the tubes if we gave in and not only that, even 3 yr olds catch on real fast! It's a hard thing to do, but try to do what you feel is right. Good luck!

Hi K.: I have an almost 7 yr. old who still sneaks and takes' her sister's pacifier. Until you get rid of them totally, you won't win. I won for about one year. I finally took the pacifier away from the older one at 3 yrs. and them I had my second when the first was four. Like I said I catch her with one sometimes. I would not bother with cutting the pacifier, whenever they rip in my house, daughter just comes and asks for another one. I would hold out a few more days. My older daughter did carry on for about week after I took it away all together. I did the same thing you did, first took it away except for naps and bed. Finally I had to bite the bullet and take it away totally. She'll get over it, stand strong Mom and good luck.

Hi K.,

Be strong do not give it back. My son (I'm almost ashamed to say) was very close to 4 years old when we took it. For a few days he moaned and groaned and then he was done. You will be glad you did not give it back.

All the best!
C.

Let's put this in perspective... It's a PACIFIER and she's 3!!! So many people are acting as if it is this horrible addiction that she'll never get over. Let's get real about this... I've never seen a college kid with a binky, or a high schooler or a kindergartner for that matter! ( I taught KDG. for several years and never had a student with a pacifier that I know of) I happen to agree with the "unorthodox" advice of the pediatrician. It is her way of relaxing like an adult might have a glass of wine. She WILL give it up when SHE IS READY!! By taking it away before she is ready, you are making more of an issue of it than it is or than it has to be.

I had a 3 year old who wouldn't give up his binky...he used it only for sleeping and it was not allowed out of his bedroom, we were strict about that and I believe 3 is old enough to understand that sort of compromise. I took him to the dentist to be sure it wasn't doing any long term damage to his teeth and was assured that a binky alone would not cause long term tooth damage or the need for orthodontia, that is caused by many factors, most out of your control. My son's speech is and always has been excellent so that was not a concern of ours. Usually a pacifier only causes speech problems when a child is allowed to have it constantly in his mouth and learns to "talk around it". However, any long term speech problems will not be caused by a pacifier alone. Believe me I thought our boy would never give it up and thought for sure he'd be the first and only to be packing it up to bring to college!! Some days it bothered me but mostly I tried not to let it. Well, our stubborn 3 year old just turned 4 and on the night of his birthday party, he threw his last binky in the trash can and hasn't looked back since. We did tell him the binky fairy would come but instead of coming to "take his binky away", she came after 7 binky-free nights to reward him with a prize. I thought this would be less traumatizing plus he would actually have some success before receiving a prize!!
I think you have to do what feels right for you and your little girl. I know others feel you are relinquishing some parental power if you give it back to her at this point but I have a strong feeling that giving her the paci back won't cause her to walk all over you for the rest of her life! In parenting I always think of the old saying "Pick your battles" and this was one battle I felt I didn't need to fight. Also, if you do choose to fight it at this point and you don't give in and she continues to struggle for another month over it, did you really win knowing how much trauma it has caused her? This is a HUGE DEAL to her but is it really that big a deal to you?
If you do choose to give it back, I would sweetly explain to her that the Easter Bunny realizes she is not as ready as he thought she was and he would like to give her paci back until she is ready...maybe next Easter. This may just take the pressure off and she might surprise you by giving it up on her own in no time. If it takes longer, again, I doubt she'll be putting it in her backpack for high school!! I would also be very firm at this point on keeping to use ONLY AT SLEEP TIMES and it never leaves her bedroom.
Good Luck to you and enjoy your little girl... they are little for such a short amount of time!!

K.

Just wanted to tell you that I hear you! My daughter is going to be 5 in September & just got rid of it 5 months ago! Get this I didn't even want her to have one considering I had my own little "pacifier addiction" The nurses at the hospital told me to give it to her considering she was using me as one when I nursed so I decided it cant be that bad right? WRONG!!!

I told her a few times that I was going to take it but it never worked it just made life alot harder on me when I took it away. So one night it was bedtime & she wouldnt go to sleep so I told her that if she didnt go to sleep I was taking her "Bippy" (her combo of bobo & nippy) as she called it away because obviously that wasnt helping her to get to sleep. So she kept up... & there went the "bippy" right in the trash. I stood my ground it was hard she cried but it was one night she hasnt had it since and there were a few times she asked for it but I just told her youre getting big and youve slept without it for a while now your fine without it. As I said before I too favored my pacifier until I was I think about 3. My parents "gave it to the baby birds". I can kind of remember then telling me in adavance that thats what was going to happen so maybe a tip would be to expalin to your little one that soon it will be time for her to get rid of it and that might set the pace or lets say plant the seed for her to get rid of it. Remember if you want her to get rid of it for everyone else's sake dont let that change how YOU feel about these things. I heard it all believe me I mean she wasnt walkin around with it but she did "need" it to sleep. So maybe if you kind of prepare her lets say for the "BREAK" like tell her maybe her and mommy & daddy will do something special when her pacifier is fianlly gone ask her what she wants & make a deal. I wish you the absolute best with this. Hope it helps
If you have any questions let me know
S.

First off, let me wish you the best of luck!!! You waited too long to do this. I had my son weaned by 19 months. I did it little by little at first always allowing him to keep it for sleep. Afterwards only allowed it for use at night never during the day. Now, I'm not going to say that he didn't whine and ask for it, but you just have to deal with it. If she wants to wake up and kick and scream, let her. In the end, she will give up. She does it because she know's you will eventually give in. As time goes by, a pacifier will actually push the two front teeth out, creating a "buck" tooth appearance. I know you don't want this and have to go for braces later, which I'm sure she'll love. Stick to your guns and she'll eventually run out of her own steam. Hope this worked. Good Luck!!!

i would stick to what you have started. we did the cutting of the pacifier and it worked great. but i think it will give her mixed messages if you give it back to her. give it at least a week before you seriously think of doing something different.

I am curious as to why you feel she needs to give up her pacifier now. She is obviously not ready yet. AFAIK there are no clear heath reasons three is the magic age, so you might consider letting her have it a bit longer until she is ready to cooperate in weaning herself off it.

We went through this too - maybe not as dependant though as your little one. We did not talk about it at all before we did it. She was just over 2 years old and I actually deprived her of a nap, played her hard all day just keeping extra busy. Got her till she was just so exhausted and then brought her upstairs and rocked her in her room till almost asleep - put her in bed and when she asked for it, just said 'it is all gone, you are a big girl' and I left. She was just too tired to think about it or get upset. I repeated this for three days. She asked periodically for it throughout the day and I just simply said it was 'all gone' . I would then immed. distract her with something fun - even just playing in the sink with water. It is hard, but she will make it - so will you!! And worse case - snip the tip off first for two days so it becomes less appealing to her - then take it away and do the sleep deprivation.
Good luck!!