A Little Help from the Other Half the HUSBAND!!!

hi C.
well i would say first of all communication is the key to everything. and like you i stay at home and watch children for a living my day doesnt stop even after the kids leave. and i have 4 of my own. and no it isnt fair that he plays football and you get to sit on the bench. i think if he is able to have an terest than you should to sports or otherwise. i would make a list of things that are bothering you and then talk with him about them. the reason for the list is so you remember everything you want to talk about and dont leave out anything. as for me ive been on both side of the fence ive worked for 10 years outside the home and now ive been home for almost 3 years in may and love it. the only part that sucks is no adult conversation except when my husband gets home and by then im usually to tired to talk. well hope my advice helps. W.

I know exactly how you feel.
I think our husbands just dont realize that we need time for ourselves too.i dont think its fair that hes doing all the playing,i think you deserve something for yourself
i know you love your kids but eveyrmother needs some time off even if its a couple of hours.
have you tried tlaking to him about it?

My husband and I work the same way you do. He does as he wants and I scrounge to save. No I do not think that is the way it should be. I think if you have a way to talk about it with him, that would be great. I am a housekeeper/nanny to two children, and I take my daughter with me to work, so it's pretty much like being a SAHM only in two houses. Don't take your place in the home lightly. You are contributing major strength to your children and giving them confidence that many children in this age do not have. I don't know why us wives give our husbands chances to do whatever they want while we wait behind, but that's often how it works. The relationship ideally should be equal. No one should have their fun while the other sits around and waits. But I think it happens that way quite a bit. I hope I encouraged you at the SAHM bit, and then hope you can be strong and talk with your hubby about your needs. Feel free to PM me if you ever need an ear!

First off WOW all those animals to take care of how do u do it? I have 1 cat and 1 dog and thats alot of work oh and not to mention my 13 month old son. My husband does help out here n there, he does most of the cooking, I am a SAHM, I do the cleaning, laundry, shopping. I also work parttime out of my house doing Medical Billing.

I say if after all is said n done with hubby if he is gonna be the bread winner of the family I say let him do what he needs to do to let that happen. When the time comes you will have your turn at the fun. Be happy for him stick by him and let him have his fun now. When he has everything done that he needs to get done and you know the time is right for you to have your fun, just let him know you need your fun too.

Hope that was helpful

G.

I wish I had advice for you. I'm interested in seeing what responses you get. I work full time, have 2 kids, and do ALL of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, bills, groceries, scheduling, pets, etc... Needless to say I have NO free time at all. My husband has the gym, nights with the guys, concerts and 70 hour work weeks. I don't know what to do about it either.

I understand that feeling. My husband is also in school, working on his engineering degree. Since you said you have an open relationship I would say sit down with him and talk about what's bothering you. Explain how you feel to him, and listen to what he has to say. Tell him how his football makes you feel like it's ok for him to be involved in something but not you, because you "can't afford it."

Explain to him that it is hard work to take care of the house and the family you two have created together. Explain that you are happy to do your part because you know when he graduates that everyone will benifit, but that doesn't make the feelings go away. You can't help how you feel, and I have found in my own experiance that my feelings have always been right on. He may not even realize he is contributing to you feeling like you're needs are not as important.

Also keep in mind that once he graduates he will most likely recieve a position with good pay which will allow you the freedoms to do more things you want to do and that is definatly worth waiting for.

In summary, my only real advice would be to talk to him about how you feel and see if the two of you can come to an understanding and solution together.

~ T.

I would start journaling your hopes and dreams so that when you do get the opportunity you can still have a list. Next, I would be vocal that after May, it's your turn. Your education, your sports, your time off.

I have an easier time doing this stuff because from the time I got with my husband he's shared the load 50/50 and I think that any relationship that doesn't share the load equally is not really good for the wife.

Communication is KEY. Talk to him for sure, explain how you are feeling, andhow the things that are happening in your life make you feel. Explain that you aren't placing blame, you want him to know how you feel, and how your life has become in the six years you guys have been working to get him his degree. (he did the schooling, you did everything else) If you do;t talk to him, he reallu has no way of knowing how you truely feel, and keeping all this inside won't do anyone any good. Perhaps he has no idea how you truely feel.
My advise is to get a babysitter, go out some place where the two of you can talk that is out of your element, like a hiking trip or park you've never been to, perhaps a bed and breajfast even. That way you won't have the normal everyday distractions around to interrupt your much needed conversation. Don;t start the conversation with "we need to talk" just have normal conversation about whatever and then sort of steer the conversation in the right direction, that way he won;t feel put on the spot or feel like he needs to be defensive, and really take the opportunity to let him know how YOU feel, not what he does that might be right or wrong, let him know whats going inside you head and in your life. Good luck, and remember, conversation, communicating.... key!

oh lord.. DO NOT WAIT TO TELL HIM.. Ive been there and done that.. it sucks.. my hubby is in the navy and everything DID revolve around him. Tell him what you think and how you feel and make time for yourself. Do something that is just for you. You deserve all you can just like he deserves things as well. its not selfish.. sometimes us wives have to have our own things. We are not all just mothers and wives.. we are women as well. We deserve to go and do things that are just for us. so all in all.. TELL him!