J.L.
Kara~
This is long, you may want to print it out... esp for future reference.
While this may seem backwards, sometimes the ones who love us the most point out all the negatives of our situation... it's not because they don't love us, it's because they DO love us. They don't want us to be hurt or disappointed, and they want our lives to be joyful and problem free. So they point out the negatives so we're prepared for them, AND so they know that WE know they want the best for us.
There's one problem with that... when they focus on the negatives, it causes US to focus on the negatives. AND, when we're focused on something, it seems larger than everything else around us.
You can't change many things... that your husband is paid what he's paid so he CAN devote MANY hours to the team (year round-- off season is the real prep time!)
YOu can't change that your family hates sports...
You can't change that YOUR workload is heavy because your husband's workload is heavy!!!
You CAN change one thing... YOUR focus. Focus on the good your husband brings to the table. FOcus on the privileges his income affords you. Focus on these two beautiful children. (Keep in mind, your husband may be standoffish to the 4 year old simply because he doesn't relate to her... YET.)
When ANY family member says ANYTHING negative, do three things:
1. SMile
2. Thank them for loving you so much, and say that you know they're mentioning this because they care so much about you.
3. then say, "From now on, I'm going to be focusing on all the great things my husband does bring to the table. So please support me and the kids by NOT mentioning negative things about him or his responsibilities. (say responsibilities, not "job.")
4. Finish with, "YOu can trust that I won't listen to anyone say negative things about you, either."
Truthfully, you will have to remember to NOT VENT to your family members. I know you can find someone safe to vent to WHEN NECESSARY, but as you focus on the GREAT things about your husband, you'll need to vent less and less.
ALSO-- you may need to remind certain family members several times to NOT criticize your husband. DO it with a smile, gently and firmly. ANd repeat exactly the same steps each time. Refuse to argue-- they may want to argue with you, or tell you it's not healthy, or that they have a right to their opinion.
You can respond with (smiling), "You certainly do have that right... and I have the responsibility to my chlidren and myself to maintain a positive & healthy focus by not being around such criticism. I hope I won't have to avoid conversation with you to keep myself and my children emotionally healthy."
Yep-- this might be hard. BUT-- your chldren and your marriage DESERVE this commitment.
I truly suggest that you find a church home and join the young mom's group there. You can find support from other moms whose husbands' jobs require long hours-- believe me, it's not just coaches!!!
I'm so happy that you're able to be a SAHM-- I wouldn't trade those years for anything, hard as they were!!!!
Please contact me if you need me...
J.
____@____.com