A Little Bit of a Few Things...

Well, my daughter doesn't listen to me. She is 3 yrs old. She'll be 4 in Dec. She laughs at me when I tell her to stop doing something or she just looks at me & keeps on doing it. I try time outs, putting her in a corner, & I even spaked her butt. But nothing works. She hasn't taken nap, I don't remember when (sometimes in the car). So if you find something that works to make her listen let me know. You're not the only one out there with a kid like that. I also thought there was something wrong, but maybe not. I don't know. The potty thing, I told her that if she wanted to go to Ocean City she has to start using the potty all the time. Well the day came to leave & she still didn't use the potty all the time. But once we got there she started to use the potty all the time. It's been almost 3 months & she is still using the potty all the time. So maybe if she really wants something tell her the only way she can get it if she use the potty all the time.

M., don't be fooled. 3 year olds behaving? where? are they hanging out with mary poppins?? my 3 year olds are smart mouthed ADULTS
:)
seriously, the temper tantrums are still present except with a dose of intelligence, wisdom and quick come backs.
actually just today i had to shake my head how shocked i was.
someone gave one of my 3 year old a candy while her twin sister got a lollipop. the one with the candy decided she didn't want the candy and asked her sister to trade the candy with the lollipop. her sister said no. then the candy one gives it to me and says
this candy is awful i don't want it (we were out at this point), i asked her whether she wanted it. she said NO IT'S AWFUL. i said are you sure because i will put it in the garbage. she said NO IT'S AWFUL. and sure enough i put it in a trash can. she about flipped. and i mean flipped. was she daring me? well i was clueless if she was or not but what came afterwards could not even constitute a tantrum. it was something surreal. i had to put her in the car and drive straight home, while she kicked my seat screamed and kept saying you mami are awful (a whole new level of frustration from her part). didn't lose the cool didn't even talk. came home, opened the car door unstrapped her and asked her to go straight to her room. she couldn't believe it but sure enough she went upstairs. i said come out when you're sorry. i heard her over the monitor mourning the candy. she kept saying i need you candy, come back to me candy
:)
what a love story except that it was about candy. my gosh.
so this went on for about 10 minutes then she came downstairs and made a statement
i don't like candies.
i said fine
she said
candies are so yucky, i only need veggies
hahaha she wanted to make nice with me if she was asking about veggies,
so bottom line, ignore the cries and yells and screams and try to keep it cool. totally ignore. if you get stressed and she senses it she will only feed out of it. if she sees no reaction is coming out of you she'll just 'give up the candy.'

good luck
vlora

M. - take heart you are not the only one out there with a child like this. My 4 year old son is exactly the same way and has been since he was 9 months old. He just made the transition from pull ups to underwear back in May, what finally worked for me was getting rid of the pullup altogether and only allowing him to wear underwear. After a couple of accidents he got the hang of it. As far as her behavior, I run through the same thing with my son. The most important thing is to be consistent, if you tell her not to do something and she does it anyway there has to be consequences to her disobedience, all the time everytime. With her being as high energy as she is a simple time out might do the trick, but she has to sit whereever you tell her for as long as you tell her. I've heard the general rule of thumb is 1 min for every year of age. Good luck.

is your 3 year old the oldest or youngest of your 2 girls? Also, is there anything in the household that has changed recently? If your 3 year old is older, then she may act like this for your attention. Most 3 year olds will digress in their development if there are younger children around. Let her know that she is a big girl now and has to use the potty - let her help you do things and then tell her she's a great helper. you have to build her self esteem up so that she will want to make you happy. Good luck!!!

Hi M.! I can't really give you any help other than to tell you that you really aren't alone! I am a SAHM to 3 kids (almost 11, 8, and almost 3). I always laugh when people say their kids are coming into the terrible twos because it only gets worse from there!! I refer to 3 years old as the threatening threes! My daughters were horrible for me. Perfect little angels while they were at daycare. I would talk about something they did and the teachers would like at me like I had 3 heads. They couldn't believe my sweet angels would do such things. But once they were back in my care, they did everything they could to make me angry. Kids naturally have to see how far they can push you. And for mom, who by now they know will love them no matter what, you get the biggest dose of pushing.

I don't know where you are seeing these three year olds that are behaved and listen when they are told to do something. I haven't seen any yet. My littlest one will be 3 this month and he has already started. I tell him no and he looks at me, grins, and does it anyway. AAAggghhh!!! He hates time out....so I use the corner. He doesn't like it but he will stay there. I only leave him there for a couple of minutes and then talk to him. But he still does the same thing next time around.

I don't have a clue what to tell you about the potty training. But maybe a visit to the pediatrician to rule out any medical reasons for the change would make you feel a little better. I am still trying to get mine to have an interest in using the potty! I am so sick of diapers! But even though he has big boy cars underwear...he wants his diaper. Go figure!

I recently heard a quote...and I can't remember who it was from....that discipline of a child is the long, time consuming process of teaching a child that what is right makes sense. It's a very deep thought but it is true.

Best of luck!
T.

Hi M., My daughter is the same way. If you find something that works let me know.

L. R.

Hi M.,

My daughter is only 16 mnths old, but she has behavior that sounds similar to your little girl. I struggled with her not listening to her dad and me. She also has tantrums that can last up to an hour when she doesn't get her way. She does take naps, but she tries to stay up late and she will play from sun-up to sun-down if I let her. Please don't be offended but you may want to watch calling your daughter "crazy". I try not to brand my baby as a "crazy or bad". I think those are names that we should stay away from as moms because as the child gets older they can affect them in a negative way. I think these type of children are simply " high Spirited" because they are "super smart". They get bored quickly and must always be challenged. My baby keeps me on my toes. She is happiest when I keep her busy and stimulated. Also it is a must to be stern at all times on your discipline and "DO NOT YELL AND LOOSE CONTROL". I notice that when I yell, my baby acts out even worse and I end up feeling guilty and imcompentent. Just be consistent, put her in time out when she acts out. And keep her busy with games and books and educational toys. Get down on the floor and play with her, hug her often and give her lots of encouragement. I'm sure you already do lots of these things, but I know how it feels to seem like things are getting out of control with these types of kids. Remember you're the mom. She's just fighting to have control, show her that you're the boss, but love her to pieces in the process. I'm no expert, I have only the one kid, and I have lots learn. However, these are the ways taught to me by my mom and with time, it's works. Good Luck to you and your little angels, and remember stay in control! Every time she gets off that potty, make her get right back on it and reward her when she does good.

Hi M.- You are not the only one. I think it is the age, but I have felt the same way about my daughter. if you can't convince your 3 year old to nap, how about "quiet time." I always tell my 3 yr old daughter that she has to go to her room and have quiet time. She can talk to her animals, read a book, etc, as long as she is quiet. Most of the time she falls a sleep. She started resisting a bit this week and we started a sticker reward system. Go up when I tell you and don't scream and you get a sticker. 3 stickers equals a reward from the prize box ($1 or less items). Some times it works. The other thing I would suggest is move her bedtime up if she isn't getting enough sleep. As far as the potty training goes, we went through this. i was desperate so I asked her daycare director, who is a mom of 4. Her advice sounds crazy, but within a day it worked. Here it is: take the diaper off if she is wearing one (but I said to her, we tried this and she peed all over my carpets and furniture), her response, restrict her to the kitchen until she will go to the potty. She will get bored quickly. I was skeptical, but I tell you, 10 minutes later, she stormed into the bathroom, dragged her potty to the kitchen and went, "there, I did it, can I go now?" We let her keep a potty in the living room for a while (hey, you have to make some compromises for the stubborn ones), and I found that her reward that worked for her was a small piece of a tastycake. So after struggling with training for well over a year, she was trained in 3 days. Her teachers were amazed. Good luck!

i am not sure if i can give you any advice, however i can promise you that all 3yrs DONT LISTEN. trust me. i have one of the most independant kid that i have ever seen. i will say that around 3ish (she is almost 5) is when we started implementing hot sauce. some may disagree with my method, however its better then spanking, and not all kids will adhere to "time out" (she didnt, and wouldnt). we still use it to this day as a last resort. needless to say we dont dump the bottle in her mouth, we just put a dab on our finger and slide it into her mouth. when a reasonable amount of time passed, we then give the much wanted water.

i didnt have the potty problem however maybe letting her sit in it for a little bit would put her back on the right track.

3 is such a hard age. you cant yet reason with them. i will say this, what you do know sets the tone for the future, so when she doesnt listen or yells at you, how you deal with that may determine how she respects you. now is when you have control, dont wait til she's 13.

M.,
I just got back from OC with an 18mo old and a 28mo old (both girls). I know how you feel. As my husband an I walked the boards at 9pm, our girls were mercifully asleep, after many hours of "uh-uh-no-no," "stop," time-outs, thrown food, melt downs, and giggles and dancing, and running in waves. As we watched everyone else out with their toddlers, we were wondering why ours had melted down so early, and misbehaving so badly. (By the way, they were in the room asleep with Nana watching - no one needs to call CPS on us). My point is that people on the outside of your drama are probaly looking in wondering how you keep YOUR cool. Just remember that she is testing out her independence, not crazy. Children don't know it, but they like routine and discipline. They like to know the boundaries, and what to expect...then they like to see if they can bend them a little. Don't feel guilty for setting them. Potty training, well my two year old just likes to strip, not actually go potty, so I'm no help there.

Good Luck.

S.

I'm laughing because I was born on the 13th! Nothing wrong with that :-). anyway, I feel your pain. My difficult daughter is now 8. At least 5 times a day do I want to pull my hair out! Sometimes its impossible to get through . With a 3 yr old you can shrug it off to , 'she's only 3'. But when an 8 yr old acts like a brat what do you do? It's frightening to even think about puberty!

Sounds like one of mine. One thing that I learned is that the more control you demand, the less they seem to cooperate. Potty training is one big thing that she is able to control, and she knows it, and knows it bothers you. Stop for a while. Start allowing her to make somedecisions. I don't mean anything unsafe, or anything important to her health and well-being, like bed time...Things like what outfit to wear, even if it is hidious to you, give her a choice of activities-would you like to paint today or play with play doh? The more she feels she is able to control, the more co-operative she will be. It will take time and patience on your part, but is well worth it. Do not base her achievements on any of your friends children. She won't go to school in pull-ups!