A. I Being Silly?

I have worked with kids with Developmental Disabilities in their homes and in other venues. If I am bringing a child to his home and he goes on in I am still responsible for him until I actually see the adult in the home therefore if he went in I would be required to go in also.

I keep my front door locked. It keeps everyone out until I let them in. So, if you don't want people coming in keep the door locked. he could have rang the bell and then you'd know to go let him in. Problem solved.

if i was responsible for a child and that child barreled in the door, i'd feel obligated to follow him in and make sure that his parents were home and he was okay. i'd probably hover uncomfortably near the door, but it would be weird to stand outside knocking after the kid was already in.
i do see your point, but i also think you're being a bit over-sensitive.
khairete
S.

This is your son's home too, and he let himself and her in. She did not come in unannounced or uninvited. It would find it very bizarre for my child to come in and then the adult stand outside and ring the bell--that is just really weird. If you trust this women with your most precious thing--your child--in a car to ride home without you, how can you have a problem with her walking your son in and standing in your house? You obviously have some issues that you need to work through--contact a good therapist and get some help for this. Trust me your kids will pick up and suffer from your "quirks" just like you say you did from your parents. I wish you the best.

If your son had already opened the door, she probably did not see anything wrong with letting herself in behind him. It would have been nice if she had knocked on the open door and announced that they were back, but (and maybe this is just me), to have the child walk in, let the door close, then stand there ringing the doorbell or whatever and waiting to be invited in by you does seem a little silly to me.

I am sorry but I have to disagree with some of the other posts. I think you have every right to feel uncomfortable with her coming in. As a professional she should have waited at the door. She was acting in her professional capasity and in that she should have maintained a formal aproach with you, which includes waiting at the door to be invited in.
You may have your own issues with your home and how it is kept and who is allowed in or not, but that really isn't the issue her. She should have waited to be invited in.

I think because James went right in and she was with him, she felt that it was ok. Almost like he had invited her in. The question is, what did she do once she walked in.

Did she wait for you inside near the door? I would consider this to be perfectly normal. This is often what I do when I drop my child off or pick her up at a friends house.

Did she follow James to whatever room he went to? I would consider this to be fine also. As in James may have wanted to show her something, or they were having a conversation they wanted to finish. Whatever, there could be several logicaly reasons.

Did she walk right into the living room and make her self comfortable? This would make me feel uncomfortable.

I totally get you, been there done that. but unless she made a face or said something mean to you, just take it as verification that you are doing a good job. If it happens again you might think about what to do or say to get her to knock. but for now, take this as a baby step and be proud of you!

Yes. A bit.
I think if you feel comfortable enough after knowing this woman for "several minutes", that you leave your son with her and agree that she will drive him home, then you shouldn't have been put off by your son letting her in.

It wouldnt have bothered me any if I had nothing to hide but it probably would have been more professional of her to let you know they were arriving early, what if you would have been gone? I'd maybe make that comment to her for the next time "I'd really prefer you call me first in case I'm about to hop in the shower or possibly gone to the store if you are planning on bringing little Johnny home earlier than planned."
I'm not sure if they have an actual protocol to follow when dropping off the child such as "Do not go into the home unless you have been invited". So in her case maybe she is just a friendly person that did not think it offensive to follow your son in. I'm the type that would not have followed the child in, so in her case it just may be part of her personality. You would have to ask her supervisor what protocol is so you will be aware in the future.

I don't think you're being silly at all, but I also hope you won't let things from your past and your own boundary issues make this more than it needs to be, especially with someone who is working so closely with your son.
I doubt she meant any harm by this whatsoever and her first thought was to keep her eye on your son at all times...even though he'd entered your own home. Not knowing you well, she basically had a 50/50 chance of handling it right. You could have been upset with her that she just allowed him to come in while she stood outside.
I would just talk to her. I'm wondering though, why you would feel violated by someone you entrusted your son with. She might wonder that too. I mean, violated is a pretty strong word.
You can tell her that you are uncomfortable with people that you don't know well coming in. You can tell her that she needs to wait outside until you respond to her. You can tell her to let your son go in the house on his own and she can leave.
This is something you have to communicate with her or she has no way of knowing how dropping him off works according to your comfort level.
This is just my opinion and don't take it the wrong way, but you basically need to rely on your son being comfortable with the people who work with him. I think it would be easier for him if you could show an amount of comfort with it as well. Feeling violated when you need people to be pretty closely involved with your son is something you have to work on for his best interests.
Long story, but my daughter developed very close relationships with "professionals" in her life and she saw them as friends and part of her family to an extent. My comfort level with them really helped her. It was tough in the beginning because many I dealt with were only due to the fact that her father and grandparents tried to prove me unfit. My life became an open book and although it was not easy, they knew that none of my daughter's issues stemmed from any of my own issues. They were able to see that for themselves.
I had to let go of feeling like my every move was being judged, because in the end, all the professionals were allies, not just for myself, but for my daughter. And, I was definitely found to be a fit mother.

I would just be open about your comfort levels so that you don't come off in a way that looks like you have something to hide. Which you don't.
You might need to talk to someone about your feelings of violation so you can get past that too.
They are valid feelings.
But, they most likely weren't intended.

If she's great and your son likes her, that's a plus.
Be open and honest.

Best wishes.

nope, i don't think so, i would've felt weird, too. but she probly didn't think she was doing anything wrong either by just following your boy. did she like stand in the foyer or come right on in and sit on the couch??
i'm a case mgr for a different demographic group (elderly), but i always ask if i can come in & sit down. sometimes, the person will open the door and just walk away, so yeah, i kinda come in, but still hesitantly. yeah, a little uncomfortable that would've made me, if i were you. i'd think it'd be weird to turn around and just see her standing there when your little household's giong on, right? you're not being silly, but she probly didn't mean any harm. :)

I would be pissed off if someone I had met only once for a matter of minutes presumes that it was OK to walk into my house. Our homes are our private areas and IMO it was presumptuous for her to assume that just because your son ran in that it was OK for her to let herself in also. She should have stayed in the doorway and knocked on the open door.

Yeah, probably a little silly, but this is a sensitive issue for you. We all get a little silly about whatever our sensitive issue is. As long as you are comfortable with her in other ways, I would try to just let it go.

She just walked in your house..with out knocking? That is rude. She might of thought of anything by it. I would not not do that to anyone.
I always keep my door locked. If you know when she is dropping off your son. Make sure your door is locked she is forced to ring the bell or knock. I think I would tell her once calmly I am not comfortable with people walking in my house. I have other children. What if you where in the bathroom when she came in.

I understand where you are coming form. I dont' think you are being silly. My son was brought home by a lady, his friend's mom, and she just came in, well my German Shepherd bit her.
So now I have Beware of Dog signs. I know it's not quite the same.
No one should let themselves into your house unless invited by you, the adult, even other children.

And she should very defintely have stayed in the foyer and called out to you, announcing her presence.

Either speak to her about it or talk to her supervisor .
And I had to start locking my door too after a neighbor trained the GS not to bite her.