9 Year Old Excessively Handling Her Food

Does she closely examine anything else besides food? If so, this may be a sensory or obsessive compulsive disorder.

Does she handle food this way at school or with friends in their homes?

When you ask her why she does this what does she tell you? If she expresses concern about the safety of her food or if she says she can't stop doing it even tho she wants to, I'd get a psychological evaluation.

If she doesn't know why she does it or just shrugs, my inclination would be to tell her that this is not acceptable behavior and send her away from the table and the food when she starts doing this. She can return when she's ready to eat, using utensils and without the excessive examination of food. If she's still not able to comply after a few days of enforcing good behavior, I'd talk with her pediatrician or get a psychological evaluation.

I'd tell her ahead of time what you plan to do. I'd be light handed about doing it. No anger, using a light calm voice. I would not allow snacks if she's unable to eat at the table in a reasonable manner. I'd be patient, not expecting her to completely stop at first.

I guess I'm thinking that this could just be a bad habit while my instincts are telling me that this is most likely an emotional issue. Is she showing anxiety in any other ways? Is she sleeping well, getting along with others, worried about anything?

I don't have too much advice, because I used to be one of those kinds of kids myself!! My mom would remind me to use a fork/spoon instead of my fingers, but I always felt more comfortable using my fingers (and still do, but manage to have more socially acceptable manners now...). I would pick apart the skin of all my grapes, because I liked the texture of grapes better without skin. Took forever, but that was my style of eating then.

Your daughter might outgrow this phase, but until then, you can definitely remind her of the importance of etiquette. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but if it annoys you, then give her a gentle reminder. Maybe practice by making a "fancy" dinner night, where you teach your kids the socially acceptable way to eat at a posh restaurant...

Interestingly, in some other countries and cultures, eating in such a way (with your hands) is perfectly acceptable, and even common. You might show her videos of people eating in various ways: with hands and with utensils, and see how she responds. I remember when I saw a program with people eating in India, I connected to the way of eating there very much... it might help her to know she is not "defective" for eating differently, but rather, that she might need to learn to conform so she is comfortable in any possible situation she might find herself in as an adult. Best wishes.

very 1st thought is: she's nine & you've allowed this to continue w/out addressing this medically? It doesn't matter what you think it is or isn't. Have her checked....you're not a doctor!

very next thought is: wow, why would you allow it to even begin....past that very first episode? How did she get so far out of control with this? I know you mention redirecting, etc.....but dang! How long has this been going on?!

That said, I wish you Peace. I would seriously check with other parents/family who've had her during meal time to make sure she is doing this only at home. Just because they have not said anything, doesn't mean they haven't seen it! They may be sugarcoating the whole scenario.

In my mind, I have this vision of her doing this....& you/your husband constantly/continuously "on" her for her actions! I know it sounds unfair....but mealtime must be a nightmare.....btwn her actions (whether deliberate or not) & your discipline. Is this "how" she gets attention from you? AND what's really jumping out is how many times you mention that she is "normal", "socially appropriate", etc.......is she under a microscope with you? As I said before, Peace!

Have you tried letting her pick out her own utensils to use (maybe a fun fork/knife) or even larger or smaller utensils? Or what about allowing her to use chopsticks?

If it's just 'her way', maybe you could make a 'finger only' dinner each week to accommodate her liking.

I'd mention it to the doctors, but i wouldn't be overly concerned about it as long as it's not affecting her lifestyle otherwise.

If you don't notice any other "red flags" in other areas of her life, then it probably is just a weird and annoying habit. I'm sure you have, but I too would be asking more questions to her about why she does it, how it makes her feel, etc. It's interesting. I would also ask, as someone else suggested, other people she dines with to see if they notice this and any other behaviors. Talk to the pediatrician for sure. I'm sure it's nothing to be alarmed about by any means, but it is odd and she is awfully old to be exhibiting these behaviors if it is just her choosing not to have ettiquette.