S., ignore those people in your family who try to blackmail you into having more children, or tell you that you don't talk enough to your daughter, or tell you that you aren't working hard enough with your son. They are poison to you. We all understand about your daughters. It is a very sad story. But it is not your fault. The ones who try to put the blame on you are very selfish people. Put them aside and don't accept their words.
Your brain knows that your son is normal. You have said it. But you are letting these people who try to make you feel guilty push you into treating your son like he has special needs. Don't let them do that! Ignore the websites that say to help your child crawl and stand up at 9 months. You actually know that they are wrong. You know that you cannot believe everything you read on the internet. Instead, read reputable books - and NOT the ones for special needs children.
Go back and read the posts on your earlier threads that explain how to deal with your son. It is very different than dealing with your daughter. You learn by doing. ALL of us were first time mothers at one point. Most of us didn't lose a child or have a child who we are losing, as you have. It is a terrible experience you are going through. But if you treat your son like something is wrong with him because he doesn't develop fast enough, you will make him feel like he can never make you happy. And you will make yourself miserable. You already doubt yourself and doubt your baby. Don't do this to you or to him.
Please go to the reputable books for NORMAL baby development. They will tell you what to expect. If you are feeding him on a sheet or bed, you aren't reading the right books. If you are pushing him to do things that he is too young to developmentally, you aren't reading the right books. The What to Expect series is very helpful.
We want to help you here, but you have to also help yourself. If you don't understand the books you read, ask the librarian for a more simply written book. Perhaps you could find one in your native language. More than anything, stop listening to the people who blame you for your children's problems. They are not helping you.
Original:
Honey, I kind of want to cry when I read your questions. I feel like you don't really listen to our advice about your baby.
PLEASE, I beg you, read about child development. You don't understand what your baby is and isn't supposed to do. The library has books. Amazon.com has books. Barnes and Nobles has books. Please go get some books!
Very few nine month olds stand or walk. They usually are crawling. You have to WAIT until your baby is ready to do these things. They are developmental milestones. The brain has to be ready to do it. This has NOTHING to do with fear. You are putting grown up ideas onto a baby. You have to learn the difference in a baby and an adult, mom.
Right now your baby is learning to do some really HARD things! He is learning to eat food. Learning cause and effect. Learning how to move from one place to another. Learning what texture is - hard versus soft, rough versus smooth. Everything he puts in his mouth teaches him this.
He is SUPPOSED to put things in his mouth, mom. It's his JOB! It is YOUR job to make sure that what he puts in his mouth is safe. Yes, he will put his hand or arm or even toe in his mouth. He will put your finger in his mouth. If he has teeth and it hurts you, you take your finger away, for heaven's sake. And yes, he will happily put his mouth down on his food if you are not putting him in the high chair.
Stop putting food on the floor for him. Put him back in the high chair even if he doesn't like it. The reason he is in a high chair is so that he has the opportunity to learn to feed himself. Also, babies make a mess when they eat. He should not be allowed to eat anywhere else in the house. You don't follow a baby around trying to put food in his mouth. You put him in a high chair, put a little bit on the tray, and let him try to figure out how to eat it. You use a spoon to give him baby food. You help him drink a little out of a cup by holding the cup. He will throw things because that's what babies do.
You mention a calcium tablet - why are you giving him a calcium tablet? Did the doctor give them to you? Most of what he should be getting is formula. Eating is only for practice right now and getting used to different textures of food. He needs formula most. Make sure he gets his formula.
Please go find a baby development book, S.. Birth to one year old, and one to two years old. Read the birth to one year old book first. And please stop wishing for him to do all these things he is not ready to do. Trying to make a 9 month old stand up will only hurt his legs. Stop doing that!
Dawn
