9 Month Old Throwing Tantrums

Hate to break it to you but nine months is when it starts! If the situation is not dangerous I would really try to discract with a good new toy before you remove him to ease the transition. Also try to remove some of the things you have to say 'no' to, might be time for another level of baby proofing. But do say no gently but firmly and he will learn over time.

Oh yes- mine was and still is the same! I was shocked it happened so early. I stay at home too, and it seems like when he is bored it is worse. This winter has been very very long. He started right around 10 mos. He has always been a very needy child, not in a bad way, but wanting constant interaction with me. It seemed like it started happening as he was getting a little more independent and able to do things for himself. Now that the weather is starting to warm up I suggest taking him out as much as you can. If nothing else, he will be more distracted and less likely to do it, so you will get some peace.

J.,

I recently came across a book at the library written by Patrick Cotter, Ph.D. called The Manipulative Child. Please do not let the title of this book throw you off because the information inside is so valuable for any parent. This book is a research study focused on manipulative children. However, the chapters provide so much information on how to raise a confident, socially adept, emotionally controlled, self aware, and positive self esteem.

Anyway, one of the methods discussed on helping a child with emotional control problems or 'temper management' is called SPRd.

Stop - Immediately remove the child from the area with the stimuli causing the child to be upset

Pause - Put the child on your lap, next to you in a room, or in a chair for 10 -15 seconds with absolutely no talking. Not even nonverbally.

Redirect - Make a very brief statement like, "We do not throw our toys." Now, let's go help Mommy make the bed. Just make certain and make it brief and then, let the little one back into the mold of the family with no other altercations.

Every single time the child throws a fit, even if it is right after the first SPRd, do it again....and again....and again....

Once you have this mastered, the child will learn to control their temper and start to respect boundaries and rules.

I finished this book about 5 days ago. One example happened today...My son is 19 months old and refused to pick up his toys and put them away. I did this method for 45 minutes, each time he screamed and threw toys, and cried, back to the corner floor we went over and over again. Finally, I told him his little bear friends would be so happy to play and have the blocks back in his little red wagon that he gave in and it was done. The rest of the day he played like his happy little self again. It worked at Kohl's the other day too. He threw a fit, we went to the bathroom twice with an SPRd, and the tantrums went away.

Good stuff. Hope this helps. Read the book! You will love it.

http://www.amazon.com/Manipulative-Child-Resilient-Resour...

My daughter started her temper tantrums at age 9 months as well. She would arch her back, stiffen her arms and make little fists and scream. To this day (she is 10yo now) when she throws a fit she still dos the same body maneuvering. We find it almost comical. She is a very strong willed child. My advice: stand your ground and don't back down. Do not give attention to the fit. Even at 9 months, they need to know the fit will not work. It will never bring what they want. What makes it comical for us is that my daughter's fits have never gotten her what she wants and she still arches her back, stiffens her arms and will yell. At some point they will get it. My daughter knows it has never worked for her, but she will tell you she hopes one day it will and that is why she keeps trying!

Don't give up. Be firm. My sister has even used time outs at that age successfully. Of course at 9 months it isn't very long, but it is the process of "if you do this, this is going to happen". Toys get taken away and you do't get my attention. They will learn at a young age what gets our attention.

A great book to read is called "Have a New Kid by Friday!" It is great that you are recognizing this now and are wanting to be proactive. Stand your ground and be firm. My daughter knows if she does throw a fit, she loses out tremendously, but she still keeps trying every so often to see if I am going to keep the same rules in place or to see if she can push my limits around. All kids will do this. Just be consistent with what you do. They need it.

One of my kids started throwing there head down on the floor or against the wall at that age. I asked his doctor about it because I was so concerned about him hurting himself. His doctor assured me that he would not do it hard enough to hurt himself & to just ignore it. It worked he never hurt himself & became tantrum free rather quickly. Hope this helps.

At nine months I would try telling him no! and redirecting his behavior. If that is not working then let him throw the tantrum and just ignore it. When our sons were young and had a tantrum we applied two swift firm swats on the behind and let them go about the tantrum while we ignored it. My middle son had done this similar acts as yours and our methods were not working as well as we hoped. He just kept getting crabbier and crabbier. We were scheduled for a dr. appt and he had double ear infections. After the antibiotic his mood improved and when he had a tantrum again the method worked and tantrums stopped.

Hi J.
Is he walking yet? From your post it sounds like he is almost or is walking now. If he's not walking yet, he sounds like he's close. He may be feeling frustration if he is close to walking. He just wants to "get there" if he's not "there" yet. Once he's up and walking and cruising well on his own, I bet he'll chill out some. A tantrum happens to any age, even adults have tantrums - some show it more openly than others :) You know he's trying but if he can't do it, he cries or throws a fit to let out frustrations. The best thing that you can do is just be there for him. He can't really talk about it yet but you can still give him words of encouragement through his transition - whatever it may be. Patience is definitely a virtue - as I've learned. Try and stay positive and encouraging (even though you can't stand it anymore) and he'll see your reaction and he won't feel defeated.

Good luck, I know it may feel rough, but it will pass and then other transitions come along. It's definitely a learning experience

Best, P.

My, now 1 year old, threw the same tantrums when she was around 9 months. It was very stressful because I couldn't seem to fix the problem or even understand what the issue was. I did a lot of research and found that I wasn't alone. A lot of mothers said that this was not just your child being angry, but more being annoyed with not being able to comunicate needing something. The advice I got was working on some sign language to better comunicate. I started working on- eat, more, all done, help, yes, no, hi, bye. She, to my amazement, caught on very quickly and now very rarely throws tantrums! I hope this helps! Good luck!

Hi J., I am the mother of 4 wonderful children, 2 of which are twin boys. Right now is when your son is testing his limits. It's up to you to set those boundaries. It won't take him long to realize what throwing a fit will do for him. Either it will get him his way or not. If it's more trouble than it's worth to him or it doesn't accomplish anything, he will eventually stop doing it. I know that it's hard to do, but if you don't want him throwing all out fits at Wal-Mart in a couple of years because he can't have a toy, then now is the time to put the brakes on. Don't give in to tantrums. You may thiink he's to young to understand, but he's really not.
The best of luck and may God bless!

Oh well, they do that. It's best to just calmly acknowledge their anger like say "I know your mad because I took that away but it's not safe. Not a toy!" We always used "not a toy" so the little caveman would understand the rule. Watch the "Happiest Toddler on the Block" DVD for great ways to deal with this normal stage of development. Also, I recommend a playpen when things get too hairy.

Your baby is growing up quickly. It takes a few days to get used to these big developmental changes. Becoming a disciplinarian is not easy but very very important.

I know 9 months seems young, but babies are really smart, and he's simply responding to a limitation or boundary. This is a great opportunity for you as his parent/teacher to teach him how to respond to boundaries. Think about how you want that to look like when he's older. Do you want him to throw fits until he gets to do what he wants? Or believe that boundaries should be moved if he doesn't agree with them? Of course not! He'll have boundaries his whole life. Unless the item could bring danger to him if he doesn't comply, I wouldn't remove those 'opportunities'. Teach him to live with boundaries. Create the situation so that what he gets for defying you is not worth going back to what's enticing him after you've clearly shown him it's off limits. Each baby is different, depending on their personalities. With one, a flick or two on the back of the hand is all it takes. With another, a "no!" is good enough. With another, taking them to their crib or playpen for a little bit is what works. Whatever is needed, consistancy is key! Boundaries are not suggestions. The baby's disapproval is irrelavent. If you are consistant, you will likely have it much, much easier down the long long road ahead, and he'll have been given the gift of self-control. Once you figure out what it takes for your son, it would be great if all his caregivers follow the same boundaries and techniques. By the way, as a rule of thumb, every time your child reaches another level of independence... whether it's crawling, walking, or getting a driver's license, they will likely exhibit some sort of 'boundary testing' behavior. Knowing this will save you a lot of emotional turmoil. It's not personal. The more matter of factly you respond, the easier it will be for him to follow suit. Your strength and decisiveness will comfort him. New independence can bring a level of insecurity, and kids feel secure when they know their boundaries. Expect them to test the boundaries at each developmental/situational milestone, and you'll be one step ahead, and more ready to respond without being dismayed.

My 11 month old also started doing this a few months ago. I have noticed she definitely does it more often close to nap time because she is tired. So I know if she does it right around nap time I just pick her up and take her to lay down for her nap but if I know she is rested,not wet,not hungry or sick and she still does it then I ignore her. Your son is doing it just to see what kind of reaction he will get out of you. If you give in to whatever it is that he wants when he takes a tantrum then he will learn that taking a tantrum is the best way to get what he wants. If you ignore him then he will learn that taking a tantrum does not get him anything, not even mommy's attention.

At this age, distraction is the best tool. If he is getting into something he shouldn't, distract him with something more interesting.

If he keeps going back to the same thing, can the item be removed so that it isn't an issue? I liked to try to set up my kids for success, so I tried not to put them in a situation where there would be a melt down.

Also, do these tantrums usually happen when he might be hungry or tired? That can lead to tantrums (even in adults). ( :

One more, I concur that Happiest Toddler on the Block (I read the book) is a lifesaver and frustration easer. ( :

Good luck!

.

It's time to really get serious with your choice of disipline and punishment. At only 9 months he is already understanding what he wants and doesn't, or likes and dis-likes. I've been there, and consistancy works!! Do keep in mind that with a young baby like yours, on-comming illness can trigger this behavior. Since you are home with him, it won't take you long to figure out the difference. One of my boys simply needed extra options for burning his energy. I quickly realized that organized activites outside the home helped a great deal. Welcome to the terrific toddler years!

Just walk away and ignore the tantrums. He's seeing what sort of reaction he'll get out of you, and if he doesn't get one, he'll eventually get over it.

Some good advice is to totally childproof your home so that there isn't anything that he's not supposed to be getting into. It takes a few hours, but put up everything breakable or that you otherwise don't want him in. Put child locks where ever he's not welcome, but maybe let him have one cupboard of "toys" such as clean yogurt cups, a wooden spoon, etc, for him to play with. This way, he has free roam of the house and can learn and explore to his heart's content, without hearing 'no' all day; this is how they develop their senses and entertain themselves and develop creativity. Good luck!

I am a SAHM of a 10 month old boy and he too has fits when I take him away from something he shouldn't be in. My son is very curious and I try to let him do as much exploring as possible but I do set boundaries and if/when he crosses them I explain to him why he shouldn't be where he is and once I remove him from it I immediately distract him with something else. It doesn't take long for him to forget what he was doing. I try to stay consistent with his "boundaries" and use a firm "no" as well as explaining why he shouldn't be where he is. I've noticed that he'll still try to play with something he shouldn't but it's less frequent than before.