8 Yr. Old Is Gaming Addict

I would take it completely away for the entire summer and if he complains tell him to read a book and explain that the "game" is a privilege not an automatic.

Just my thoughts....

Are you monitoring those games? Are they what you want him to be absorbing? If they are OK, let him play, but for only a specified amount of time each day, and DON'T GIVE IN. If he does all the other activities that involve interaction with other boys his age, he should have his private time to do what he wants, but I repeat...don't let him get the upper hand or you are "dead in the water" and he'll end up being an introvert and then you'll have some real problems.

I would keep doing what you are doing.. setting time limits.. That is what I do.. and continue offering other activities like swimming, etc... He may not grow out of it as soon as you want him to.. my kids will be 11 next month.. and we go through the same thing... One thing that helps is that they have friends on the street and they stay outside to play... and they love hide and seek. That will keep them occupied. Also helping me around the house.. chores, making a dessert for dinner.. etc. Stay strong!!

Sounds like your on track to me. You even limit how much time you allow him to do it. These games are like a universal language to these kids, right. lol. My son and his two friends are bad about wanting to stay up all night and play. He did this twice and I put a stop to it. I can't stand for kids to stay up all night and sleep all day. My son went to his friends for 2 nights last week and then wanted to come home because he was tired of it. I've been having my son do a Math work book I got from Quest for 6th going to 7th. He also is asked to read on a chapter book. I've giving him more chores. I have him go to the pool in the afternoons because he used to love to go but now he wants to stay wrapped up in gaming. I did find though that he has been designing his own games too. So that can be a plus. For 7th grade next year he will be taking Technology which they will learn about computer maintenance, webbing and design so maybe its not such a bad thing for their future. I think you are doing a good job already, I don't know how much time you alot for gaming. Most people I've talked to are saw on here is 2 hours. My son probably does two hours in the morning and another 2 in the evening. He leaves for camp next Monday and they can't have any electronics with them and they all have a great time every year and don't miss it one bit, but when he's home he's like your son its always in the back of his mind or something.

Take the games away. If it is a problem, why continue to allow it in your house. Studies have proven that video games can be as addictive as drugs and alcohol. Fox News carried a story about a month ago of a couple who were so addicted to video games they let their infant starve to death.

If you had a teenager who was drug-addicted you would not allow them access to drugs would you? Just because video games are not body-destroying like drugs, many parents are reluctant to reduce the amount of time, or remove them entirely from a child's life.

I would remove them for a month, and then slowly, as you feel he is able, re-introduce them. We have had to do this at various times with our 5 kids, and it does work.

Remember, at the end of the day, you are the parent, not your child's friend. It is not your job to be popular with your child but to set boundaries. Don't worry about the fall out from your decision - of course it is not going to be a popular decision, but you need to nip this in the bud now.

When our 14yo brought home bad grades, he lost his privileges. At first, we limited the amount of time, but he needed to stop cold turkey. Would you give an alcoholic an occasional shot of whiskey when he's trying to quit? He went through withdrawal--very crabby and withdrawn, depressed and crying a lot. I almost wanted to give him a shot of whiskey--lol. In a few weeks, he got it into his head that that part of his life is over. Now that school is out, he plays occasionally when he visits his grandmother. Through our consistence and comfort with the word "no"--and steel armor against those tears--he's learned not to even ask here.

Hi E. - What ever you do DO NOT allow him to get one of the on-line games like World of Warcraft. These are the most addictive games and end up being a nightmare. You cannot take them away as punishment because they can be accessed from anywhere or they can use someone else's password. My suggestion is to have very firm boundaries about when he can play and enforce consequences anytime he crosses the boundary. These games are addictive - they don't even realize it but they are. My son is 13 and would spend hours if I would let him. He is also an amazing athlete which I believe is our saving grace but even so, he spends every second that he is allowed on the computer. I am very creative about planning things that keep him away.I also have parental control set up on the computer that kicks him off after a certain amount of time.

I would not allow your son to have his own computer anytime soon and when he is on the computer have it in the middle of the house - like in the living room (it is much harder to sink into their own little world when people are walking around and talking to them etc...).

Good Luck!

Dear E.,

I applaud you for setting time limits. My girls got one hour
a day - period. The same with their computers. Everybody wonders why kids are so overweight these days - hello - when they sit in front fo the tv & computer all day what do you expect. When I was twelve I was playing Hide & Seek & catching lightening bugs. Now their having sex & experimenting with drugs! My son-in-law is badly hooked on
video games & it has caused alot of problems in their marriage. He has stayed up for 72 hours straight before. He
doesn't help my daughter at home or with the kids. There is a
wonderful world out there - explore it sometime. As long as
you stick to your guns it will be fine. Good luck!

C.

I think you've made the right choice to limit the amount of video games he plays. Children need to get out and run around and explore their own backyards - especially at 6 and 8! I have 6 boys and all love electronics, but some more than others.

So this is our summer plan. No "screens" before 5 pm on Monday through Friday. The weekends are free. When I say screens I mean TV, computer, game cube, game boy, Wii - anything with a screen! Yes, they gripe. And when the neighborhood kids come over, we go through it all again. But if I hang tight, I will look out a little later and see them throwing the football or collecting bugs in Ziploc bags. It's worth it!

Oh yes, I cn remember putting off buying our first gaming system -- it will be a battle for sure, but stick to your guns -- a they get older there will be more activities to take up their time - but you will find the weekends filled with friends who all get together and game! I would definitely not allow any violent games in the house -- at all. Get your children excited about reading the types of books that are about quests and dragons - etc... there are some really good series out there -- do the reading outloud together - putting on different voices for the characters - visit the local library weekly - try cub scouting - my sons started at the age of your sons and made their Eagle rank by the time they were 15. It took them on campouts, introduced them to new hobbies, it was a wonderful experience. Find a good troop, maybe one sponsored by your church or school. Set up a reward system for the number of books read over the summer, get some models to build, etc.. get other moms together and go on outings - take them to Brenham to the Blue Bell Creamery they do tours, google things to do around your area and plan out the summer. My sons did sports year round, soccer, baseball, swim league anything to fill up hours and make them tired!!
Remember you are "The Mom" and you know what is best - be strong over the issues that you feel are important - and flexible on other issues. You are your children's first educator -- plan, be involved, put in the time. Good luck!!

Hi E., I have an 8 year old as well who is addicted to gaming. Summer is a little more lax than school year but my husband and I get him to read and do some math every day before he is to play any thing. #1-Set a timer for his daily allotted time to play ( I make riding in car not count in this time) #2 No computer in his room or gaming system. #3 My son sees a therapist and he say let him earn his time by better behavior or chores.
Does he have any friends in the neighborhood? Play groups are great at a park or pool.
I dont work in the summer so I can be more active.
Best of luck!

S. B.

Hello E.
You just continue what you are doing by trying to expose him to lots of thing as you are doing now.
I just want to give you some encouragement. I had a son like this who went on to stay up ALL NIGHT yes all night, and he became a self-taught computer specialist.
The first thing he did was figure out how software was made and would sit up all night producing his own software for his younger siblings - such as maths tests and other games!
Today, he is earning a fortune and btw has a very high IQ.
I hope this will be the route your son takes!!
Jewel

Hi E.,

I know where you are coming from! Just last night, I had to put my foot down becuase I attempted to give my kids a little freedom and would go to bed while they stayed up. I remember staying up late and sleeping all day during the summer when I was young too, so I wanted to give it a shot! Well, last night I just about had it. We had gone to the library a week ago from Monday and they had not even opened their books. So, last night, I made a special rule. Everything, TVs, games, music, DS games, everything, must be turned off by 9pm no less than 3 days per week. They can still do what they want, but I prefer that they attempt to get some reading in. So, last night we tried it out and it worked pretty good. My thoughts are that my kids are not use to being home so much that they were actually needing some change and this did help them. They didn't argue, they did sigh some, but overall it was pretty good.
As far as the games go, you need to put strict limits on it or their world will revolve around these games. I have heard my son from across the house getting upset because he has lost a game. That was my que to walk over there and make him give it a rest for a few days. Just enough for him to pull his mind back and realize that time from those games is not the end of the world. Perhaps your son could use some vacation from his games. It would not be a bad idea to take the entire system out of his room. The idea is to occupy him with other alternatives, like going outside, or take him to the library and let him pick out his own books. He might think its lame to have to do this durng the summer, but once he gets there he will get into it. Maybe he needs other challenging activities to attend cause the swimming and tae kwon do are not interesting him. He needs to find that special activity that pulls his interest and mind to thinking about it and practiving it even outside of class.

Good luck!!

try taking it away for a week tell him its a test to see all the other things he can do and tell him if he cry an wines about it you will add a day everytime he does 8 yrs need to be creative,and playoutside ride bikes ,play with there friends not fight cartoon guys in a little box ,rent him good kids movies to watch ,give him some chores to to just see how it goes
L.

You MUST read the book Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax, MD or go online to http://www.boysadrift.com/. It discusses the dangers of letting our sons spend too much time on these games. They get detached from society, so you are definately doing a good thing by making him do other active activities no matter how much he complains. Another good thing is to make him play outdoors which promotes creativity. I am a mother of two boys and a special education teacher of Emotionally Disturbed childrem (most of whom are boys). You must take an active stance against this and be strong for the wellbeing of your son. GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi
I read an idea in a magazine a few yrs ago this woman used it to get her kids to read but it could work for anything. For every 30 min her kids spent doing reading ( in your case swimming or tae kwon do) they got 1/2 that time to do with as they chose. SO if he goes happily to swimming for 1 hour then he has earned 30 min of gaming time. or you could adjust it to be equal amounts of time.
hth
J.

i feel your pain my son is 7 and is the same way..the only time he likes to be outside is if we are swimming

I think that is great that you have him enrolled in other things to keep him busy. Allow a certain amount of time with the video games. When that time is up, shut off the game.This make take awhile,but he will get used to the idea. My son was 13 when I had to do this as he was spending too much time playing XBOX. Now he shuts the game off on his own and goes and does other things. With your 8 year old,it may take more time,but it will be worth it to put limits on his time playing video games now instead of later.

Sounds like you're doing great. Keep up the good work!

E.,
You are on the right track by limiting his time and redirecting his attention. This may sound extreme but then sometimes you have to take drastic measures. When my daughters were approaching their teens - I noticed that they were spending too much time in front of the TV. It was affecting their attitudes, grades and social activities. We actually cancelled our cable and sold our large screen color tv at a garage sale. We purchased a smaller black and white screen TV so we could watch news programs. The results were immediate and AMAZING. We started going to the library. They started reading more. Their grades went up. They cultivated more friendships. And they turned to sports. I am happy to say that all of my four children went to college. Three of the four graduated. Three of the four own their own business.
Now, one of my daughter’s has a 14 year old son who is very much like your son. He lives and breathes computer and xbox games. His father also shares this passion which makes it even harder to limit the exposure. My daughter does what you do. She limits his game time and puts him into other activities. He loves bowling and fishing! He has summer jobs cutting lawns and doing yard work. They spend time at our swimming pool. The entire family goes camping and they leave all the electronics at home (except for the cell phone). This generation needs to learn how to cope if the lights all go out. It distresses me to see that when the grandkids visit me they have to have several electronic gadgets going all at the same time or they can’t function. It is too much outside stimuli. They need some quiet time so they can hear themselves THINK! Where are we going to get the next generation of great thinkers and problem solvers if all we do is stimulate our brains with xbox games and MP3 players? I’ve also noticed that my grandkids are far more impatient and hyper than my daughter’s were at their age. Everything has to be faster, louder and bigger than real life.

As a mother to an 11 year old, I can wholeheartedly say I understand your concerns. I also had the same problem when my son started expressing an interest in video games and now breathes electronics. These are the rules I placed out for my son:

1. insist that his grades maintain As and Bs which means staying on the Honor Roll throughout the year. (if your son cant make As and Bs find an average for that class subject and make him maintain that grade average (my son's weakness and he struggles with it constatntly but he understands if he drops to a C in it where he was making Bs then the games drop). If your son grades drop tell him so do the games until he brings the grade average back up. (no if, ands, or buts)

2. He must remain active in one sport (stress to him being overweight is a serious issue with our children and he needs the sun and fresh air everyday). While its proven that video games help with hand-eye coordination having health problems because of lack of exercise will defeat that purpose. Besides children need to learn to interact with other children from all backgrounds -- this instills a sense of learning to respect each other which seems to be somewhat lacking in our youth today.

3. He must pick up a book and read at least 30 minutes each day (I sometimes have my son read aloud to me to be sure he is grasping the story). If he's not a book-reader have him read every other day but make sure its a chapter book so that you both can follow the story. If that's not suitable then read a newspaper. In otherwords have your eyes follow the flow of something other than that animated person on your game.

4. Limit game playing to 2 hours max. Usually by this time your child will have gotten tired of playing the game and will turn it off to do something else.

While the above may be hard for your son to tackle at first (and you too) if he sees that you are firm about the usage of electronics (and you seem like you are on the right track) he will buckle down and do what he needs to do to be able to play his games. Best of luck to you and hang in there.

Keep doing what you are doing. He needs exercise, he needs fresh air, he needs social interaction and you are insuring that he is getting all of that. You absolutely have to limit the game time. I know it can be addicting and you are right to be concerned. What kind of gaming is he doing? Is it wholesome kind of stuff like Poptropica.com where there is a bit of history/learning adventure, or is it purely entertainment? Guiding the kinds of games he is playing is as important as reducing game time and fostering family activities. Good luck, despite what he may say, you are a good Mom!

i agree with the other advice, but also if you aren't doing this already, only let him play games that are educational too! puzzle-type games are good for the brain also (just don't use it as an excuse to let him play MORE often...an hour per day is more than enough!)

My children are only allowed 1 hour a day for games. Some times they don't even get that. Although they do have their own systems in their bedrooms, they must ask permission to play. If not, I take away the power cord. You are doing the right thing. Give him limits. You are the parent. We need more parents that are willing to step up as you have. Kuddos! Keep up the good work!

I am definitely with taking the game away....
He is 8, he will get over it.... Children should have less than 2 hours a day on any screen - TV, games, etc....
IF he can't appreciate the time without complaining then take it away for the summer and when school start, limit him to when all homeowrk, bath time out side time is done then he play with it...at most 30 minutes... or limit it to car rides...I get tired of seeing kids come over to play at each other's houses and all they do is play these games...all games need to be left in the car unless there is no one to play with then maybe they can bring their game in...they need to socialize, play outside with other kids....

Good Luck,
L.

i suggest you use a new product called Plugstop. It is essentially a way of keeping kids/teens off games consoles, computers, tv etc by locking the plug. By doing this you can limit the amount of time spent on consoles and other electronic devices. http://www.plugstop.co.uk/
Hope this helped
V.

I am going to suggest something and am not sure if you have gotten one like this yet...Take the game away, when he freaks out, tell him you will keep the game until he learns not to complain when doing other activities and starts enjoying what time he does have on the system AND enjoys time spent on other things. Let him know you mean what you say and tell him he will get his game back as soon as he has proven himself to you, be it 1 day or 1 month. Keep up the good work and I hope you can make him understand there is more to life than video games. I have always taken this aproach with almost everything with my kids, almost 13 and almost 10, and it seems to work around here. Best wishes.

In this day and age it is tough to get around all the electronics. My daughter had started asking to play on the computer all the time and complain when it was time to get off of it. I warned her a couple of times, and then we had no computer/tv week. It was a hard week in the beginning, but by the end she had found other things to do. We just finished that a couple of weeks ago. Now she asks only once nicely and accepts the answer she is given. I don't know how long it will last, but it has been a nice couple of weeks since. :)

i know that every child is different. But if it bothers you if he plays the games too much - just dont buy those things for him. My kids grew up in the initial stages of the video games, but i could see quickly how they could dominate a kids life. I never purchased any of the Nintendos or games or gameboys, and advised family members against purchasing as gifts for my kids. i told my kids if they wanted them, they had to buy them themselves.

So, my son won a Nintendo from selling the most Boy scout Fair tickets one year. It came with 3 games. i never purchased him an additional game. He actually saved money and bought one game and used to go to the video store to rent games occasionally, but never really wanted to use his own money.

Yes, my kids played the games at their friends houses - but when they came home - they never seemed to do it there. When they got into college, my son purchased a used Playstation once and played it for a while, but never really wanted to spend his money on the stuff.

So - this is how i recommend parents handle the video game issue. it sure eliminates the problem of having to punish them all the time for playing it too much. It puts the control in their hands and lets them decide how bad do they really want it.

good luck!

about me - a 53 yr old working, married mom of two grown kids.

E.,

I don't think there is a cure for gaming. My husband is a gamer and has been for as long as I can remember. Our boys are still little and I hope not to have them as hungry for games, but this is the age of electronics and there are plenty of learning games as well as those that will rot the brain. It sounds like you have your situation under control, but here is a suggestion that my husband said he and his brothers had to do. For every hour of game time they had to go outside and play or run laps around the house for and hour.

I would pull it out of the room and maybe have one day a week that he can to his heart's. Every other day of the week needs to be gaming free. I would use it as a reward. If he does his chores, homework, activities he gets to play on Friday after school, for example. Because it is an addiction, I doubt that an hour here or an hour there will work very well and leaving it set on the shelf is just a reminder of what he can't have. It will be a constant battle.

Your son is in trouble. I know no one want to hear that, but are you aware that there are starting to be "detox" centers for computer and video games? I read an article about a year ago where a scientist did a study on the brain activity during games and other activities...guess what he found? The savage and emotional part of the brain is the part that is exclusively used during electronic games...and the more that part of the brain is used, the less the reasoning and math and music part of the brain get used...they aren't using their brains when they play, they are using their emotions. Our family faced a devistating blow a few years back, the biologicle mother to my 4 step sons just walked out...stopped changing diapers, stopped talking, wouldn't do anything but play on the computer. She and the whole family had gotten sucked into this mess...and they lost their mother to a video game!!! We had to detox the whole family in the coming years...it takes a lot of work and serious determination. If I were you I would completely get rid of the games for a time...put them in storage, or sell them...and for many months limit T.V. too! My children are soooo unhappy and unpleaseable when they have had too much electronics in their little lives...even the 15 year old is NOT the same person when he's had too much...it is very much like a drug. And like a drug, they crave it and their minds will become lazy to the point of the reasoning part of the brain actually becoming smaller with decreased use!!! According to this article the best thing parents can do is put their children in music lessons...read to them...and make them play outside on a regular basis...these things all stimulate the reasoning and thinking and artistic parts of the brain.

Hi E.,
You are doing the right thing by enrolling him in some other activities. I would continue to enroll him in activities until you find one he enjoys. You do need to limit the time he plays games and maybe only let him do it after he has played out side or gotton some kind of excercise and people interaction.

B.
www.MyToxinFreeHome.com