8 Yr Old & Communication

Probably in his mind the problem was already solved, why involve anyone else, even parents, in a possible already embarrassing situation. Perhaps he didn't want you to jump to any false conclusions or over react. He's a boy and boys often prefer to keep things to themselves - especially when the issue was solved and over in his mind. Relax. Being a Mom, I know that my boys sometimes felt that I over reacted to something they felt was petty and that I tried to solve too many of their problems. My youngest who just turned 25 still says to me at times, "Mom, you're being way too helpful." Relax, and enjoy the closeness and ability to sommunicate that you do share. Who knows, maybe your innocent son feels that he did something that may have triggered the attack and that he deserved what he got. If someone probes too deeply maybe he thinks that he will be punished too. There are too many possible issues that there is no way to track down each one. Just let it go and relax.
Carol B

Aboout me: I'm a mom of two sons who are now 25 and turning 27 next month. They still tell me only what they want me to know, even though we are quite close and talk quite a bit.

Well your not going to want to hear this and I'm sure it will be an unpopular answer but here goes.....

Boys will be boys.

It probably wasn't important to him, and he really forgot.

I was in the same situation when my oldest son was about this age. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong, after all we encouraged him to share everything and that NOTHING was off limits to talk about. He came home one day with a huge bruise on his upper arm (which I wouldn't have seen if I hadn't gotten a phone call). He went until bed time at which point I said I got a call today, would you like to tell me what happened? He was clueless and I actually had to remind him about the bruise on his arm....it was huge (at this point I asked to see it)! He honestly didn't remember because it wasn't important to him. I have three boys who are all forgetful about things like that....boys will be boys and it's no big deal to them. If it is you will hear about it.

Ask your husband how it is to grow up a boy and he will tell you it is a physical way to grow up. As a mom it's hard to hear this BUT it is fact. I've talked to many other moms and for some boys it starts younger and others are a bit older but boys are rough and tumble and as a parent all you can do is set boundries for them to follow so they understand that rough is okay but hurting to hurt isn't.

Like I said this won't be popular but it's the truth.

hello I think the school needs a good stern set down. They are NOT doing their job. First and formost your school should be in a safe enviroment and it sounds like that is not so. Also I would demand to know what if anything was done to the boy who assaulted your son. Has charges been done. That needs to be done. I think one reason he was not forward in letting you know what happen this boy may have and probably did tell him if he told he would be sorry. This is a bully situation and schools need to be on top of taking care of this otherwise it will continue. The only way it won't would be for you to move. Switching schools would not work if you didn't move because if this boy knows where you currently live it will be right outside your door the next time he is assaulted.

Being the oldest child, he may have felt a little "embarrassed" about the situation since he was the one injured. The oldest sibling (I am one) tends to feel like they are the strong one and the protector. I too have a very open policy with my kids. I believe if they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to hear the answer. If we don't give them the answer, they will look elsewhere and I want them to have my version before their friends'. He is only 8, so he may truly have "forgot" or just chose to forget. I would just keep those lines of communication open! Maybe, you could just check in with him on the situation with this boy every couple of days. I am dealing with the same thing, but my son is 12. Some days I get the whole detailed report, but other days I get the short version. Either way, I know he's still comfortable talking to me about it. It's harder to read an 8yr old on something like that. They don't take fights as seriously as we do!

He probably didn't want to bring up something he thought might upset you or else he was embarrassed that he had been picked on by another boy. Maybe he just wanted to forget about it? I would have done the same thing when I was his age. It's probably normal for him to keep things to himself. It’s good to have open communication, but it’s not really open if you have to pry information out of him. Maybe he doesn’t want to share everything about his day with you? Maybe some things are just private to him? I think you’re doing the right thing by telling him he can come to you, but you also can’t force him to come to you with everything. He has to want to do that on his own.

Hi there,

I am not sure we can say that your son did not feel like he could talk to you or your husband about the school incident.

Many reasons why he didn't want to share:

1. maybe doesn't want to lose his friend (the one who tried to choke him)
2. maybe is afraid of the the boy who tried to choke him and doesn't want to have any other similar incidents.
3. maybe the boy threatened him not to tell his parents.
4. maybe he felt embarrassed that he didn't know how to defend himself.
I have two boys and they tend to hide similar incidents from me because they know that I might call the parents or meet with the teacher etc... in general they hide it when they are scared.
I usually know from the school and they act as if nothing happened because they are scared to tell.

I agree with Carlene that this is a bully situation and the other boy needs to be disciplined more stricly!!!

You would know best if he was telling the truth when he said he just forgot. If that is the case, and he really wasn't too upset about it, I wouldn't worry too much. It sounds like the school handled the situation appropriately. Maybe your son didn't want you to worry. Just remind him that if something is bothering him or he is upset or has been hurt, you want him to share it with you. Just try not to over-react, because then he might be afraid to tell you things because you get so worked up. Also, I think boys let stuff like fights roll off their backs much more easily than girls do. I would encourage him to also share with the boy who hurt him how that made him feel and that it wasn't okay to do that to him, if he hasn't already. Be well, R.

Ok, so I am talking wearing both a 2nd grade teacher and a mom hat. Don't stress. He may really have forgotten. Or, it really was not that big of deal to him. You handled it perfectly.

Hi A. =)

I'm a mom to 4 boys (incluing twins who are now 9.. I remember the 1 yr old stage! off subject... just want you to know that it DOES get easier) Anyways, boys are so different from girls. I have 2 stepdaughters who just talk and talk and talk. You hear all about the drama going on with girls, but boys are just different. I feel like I have a great relationship with my boys. My oldest is 11, and although we talk all the time, he does not always tell me about important things going on in his life at school. (when I say "important", I mean social things that are important to children) I usually find out later from my twins who go to the same school. I've asked my son why he didn't tell me this or that, and he said that he felt wierd talking to his mom about it. He said that he has no problem talking to his father about it (we are divorced), but just wierd about talking to me about some things. I just try to emphasize to him that it is important that we always communicate. I told him that as he gets older, it will be even more important. I let him know that as long as we can always talk, I will always feel like I will be able to trust him... especially as he gets closer to those teenage years. But if he purposely keeps things from me, I may wonder what is really going on. He acted like he understood, and all I can do is just keep talking to him. The best advice I can give you is just keep doing what you're doing. You sound like you're doing a fabulous job! I love the way that you said you role-play situations and talk about how to handle things. I think I'll try to start doing that with my boys. You're doing a great job Mom... just keep it up and try to keep encouraging that communication. =)

Watch your son and make sure his behavior doesn't change. If he becomes withdrawn around others, or if he doesn't want to go to school, or if he starts to act out, those would be signs that he is bothered by things happening at school. It really could be that he's not upset about the incident. Talk to his teacher, too, and make sure she doesn't see any problems. (Although bullying happens when adults aren't around, so she might easily miss it.)

I have 2 boys. The only way I ever heard about school things was when they had friends over. Eavesdropping is fair game, as long as you aren't hiding! One trick I learned; when I drove the carpool, I set the speakers to play in the back. They didn't realize how well I could hear them!

Wow-this is a tough one. Could be a lot of reasons for the "forgetfulness". I would suggest a couple of thing. Perhaps-the boy was bullying your son and he's afraid,or, perhaps your son started it and didn't want to get in trouble. I would keep an eye out for signs of bullying and have a conversation about that as well as fighting.
May want to involve the teacher-find out more about the other boy and that may help you determine what happened.
Hope it helps!
M.

hi... I don't think that you are over reacting... my sone will be nine in november... he about 8 years of age started to not want totak about anything with me... he jokes around and things of that nature but when it comes down to something you as a mother would think he would want to talk about he acts like it never happened or it was not a big deal. my take on it at first was omg... what did i do wrong.. he won't even talk to me about something important... but then i assesed the situation... and figured out that he is getting in the be cool stage... and not even that.. well maybe i didn't think anything but he is a male and at some point they hold stuff in. I have found out that if its something he feels personal.. if his dad goes in his room with him and starts to talk with him and tells him a related story about himself when he was little.. it lets him have an oppertunity to talk about it and he gets it out rather than holding it in... and believe me he has had to make up some stories just so our sn could feel like he is not the only one who ever went thru something like that. hope this helps

This sounds a little like my youngest (who is also 8)

He may have been embarrassed about what happened and may have just wanted to forget that it happened. Or, even though the boy was disciplined at school, your son probably did not see the discipline occur and did not to hurt the boys feeling by telling on him, or make him made about telling on him.

(I say this b/c on of those reasons would have been why my daughter did not want to say anything to me)