8 Year Old Going on 18

S.,
You need to snatch her up and let her know that you mean business. I would ground her from the telephone, playing with friends, take away her Hannah Montana viewing priveldges or even television all together. It's best you get a handle on that now or find yourself in a world of trouble in her teen years.She is testing the boundaries and you had better draw the line clearly. Don't think that your 6 and 3 yr olds are not picking up on that as well! Disciplining is a good thing.. Trust me I have a 33 yr old brother with a 13yr old son that was never disciplined. My brother would "talk" to him and now he is out of control. One day my brother asked him to call his cell phone as he misplaced it in the house..and my nephew responded by saying" I'm eating chips right now..Me using my cell phone to call your phone is not my concern.."..Excuse me..? ( I took a deep breath) He better be glad that he has a cell phone and wear True Religion Jeans..Instead of knocking him out...he now resides at his Grand Parents house where he runs the show as well.. I feel that if he was disciplined at an early age he would be more respectful and under control. It comes to a point where it is not "cute" anymore.. Good luck!
Remember the Bible does say Spare the rod and spoil the child.. No I'm not saying to beat her to death but there is a loving way to do it and she will know that you mean business. Too many times partents are reluctant to physically discipline their kids then they cant handle them and want to give them up.. You have to find the balance. Maybe one time will be enough for her to know it's not ok!
I will be 31 on Jan 20 and I have a 5 year old daughter. I rarely have to snatch her up because she knows that when I look at her a certain way she better grab a clue! However I have noticed that she is more mouthy since watching those teenage shows on the Disney Channell and Nickolodeon..If i have to she will stick to watching her DVDS until she learns to decipher what she can and cannot say to me!

I don't have any girls but since I remember being young myself and I'm a girl and can say this it's kind of growing pains so to speak that happens and we sometimes say things we really shouldn't. I think it's a very good idea not to keep on the punishing but to re-enforce by example. I think that sometimes we even as adults say things to the people we love that we wouldn't dream of saying to our friends or any other folks. I can say now that I'm way older I remember my mother saying to me once when I said something that was not necessary and hurt her she said " someday you will remember this and words cannot be taken back I can only forgive you so please stop saying things without thinking about how others feel", she indeed forgave me but to this day I am sad I hurt her and she did lead by example...even after I said things to hurt her talked back what have you she still lead by example. My advise is keep doing what you are doing it will work as she reads the Bible and comes into her own she will understand and look at you her best example of a person that walks with god. It's one thing to read it, another to do it and another to teach it by example. Blessings to you and your family.

S.,

It sounds as though you have gone too far with reasoning with your daughter. When I was growing up with my mom, if I breathed to hard after she told me something, I wore her hand print on the side of my face to school that day. Not saying that you should "slap" her. But sometimes the only thing that children understand are "scare tactics". The only thing is you have to use your tactics as a preventative measure and not a post reactive measure. That's why it's important to draw the line upon the initial detection of disrespect. I have three sons ages 12, 10 and 6 and I have issues with them but it has never been disrespect (at any level or sort).

God is able to do anything and revive any situation. He did it for Hezekiah in Isaiah 43. Remain prayerful and insist that your daughter expresses her concerns with the utmost respect. May God bless you and yours!

Hello S.

I think you are doing a great job by pointing your daughter to the bible and letting her understand what the Word says about honoring her parents. Even if she does not accept it now those words will be hidden in her heart forever. I think maybe you should take a stronger approach when she mouths off. You said you did not want to upset her. You can not raise a child in fear of upsetting them. You must correct/punish her at the time of offense. Even if it upsets her temporarily, it will benefit her and the entire family in the long run.

Sit down with her and maybe even your entire family and decide on some basic standards for your home and the consequences for breaking those standards. Let your kids help come up with your household "rules." You'll be surprised how much more strict they can be on these things. Again, let them help determine what the consequence will be if the standard is not upheld. Be creative and make it something that really matters to them, but is also appropriate/equal to the offense. If they help set the rules and the consequences, it makes your job easier in enforcing them. Post them somewhere where you'll all be reminded of them and where you can just point and say that we all agreed that "if this, then this." There's no arguing, and you don't have to feel put on the spot. Oh, and don't have a huge list of rules...just a few general ones.

I would suggest reading "Sheparding a Child's Heart." You can find it at the Library. It teaches how to address the core issues of her mouthiness in a biblical manner and how to reach the heart...not just the actions. I could go on and on about what the book says, but it would be better if you read it yourself so that you get a balanced picture.

Well, since you are taking steps to bring her up in a Godly manner, work with her on repenting when she uses a disrespectful tone. Remind her sweet lips. You were right not to react in anger. She will be fine. Just keep encouraging her, praying for her and with her. If you don't have the power of a praying mother,wife,child series-I'd invest in it. It's great.

I am having the same problem with my 8 yr old son. He has started rolling his eyes. It doesn't matter what I say, he rolls his eyes at me. Talk about setting a parent off the deep end. I have been talking to him about it just like you did and I also have been praying with him about it. We have just started this in the last week because I didn't know what else to do. If you find the anwser let me know.

Hey, S., this is your sister-in-law L.. I can't wait to read the responses because I need the same advice too. My son is doing the same thing! He keeps saying things like "prove it" and "make me" and just being ugly. I don't have advice, I just wanted to let you know I'm right there with you!

My 7yr old has had the smart mouth off and on since she was 5yrs old. That along with the attitude is enough to push any mom over the edge!! I don't discuss it or try to reason with her any more at this age. She is old enough to understand not to talk like that and old enough to know that there is a punishment for doing it. 1st time is a warning, second time is time out (standing at the wall with arms straight out, like an airplane for 7 mins). She will normally say she has to potty but I don't let her go, I've told her before if she has to go that bad then to pee her pants. If the arms come down, time starts over. Normally after this, her attitude has changed and we don't have to go to the thrid time- bar of soap or a dab of hot sauce in the month. She gets to pick, which normally doesn't happen because she is begging and pleding not to have it happen so I or hubby picks one and gives it too her. I'm sorry, but there are no amount of bible verses that is going to change the behaviour of a child. She needs cause and effect. Mouthing off is the cause, the effect is the punishment. IF you don't get it under control now, your other daughter is going to start doing it too because she sees her sister getting away with it. And then before you know it, we will see you on a show like Super Nanny not knowing where you went wrong with your kids.

Good luck!
S.
www.shariegraf.scent-team.com

I have been going through something similar with my 3 1/2 year old. This may hurt a little because it hurt me when I first read it but your kids learn more from you and home than you think. You need to get the book 'Scream Free Parenting' It is a wonderful book and it sounds like you are doing all the right things but this will open your eyes to a lot more that you did not realize you were even doing.

I hope this helps.

"a litle child shall lead you". don't control and structure their lives so much and then be shocked when your daughter who loves you points out a little hipocracy. She's still on your side, not with the enemy.

Hi,
Been there, done that! I have three girls, 16 - 11- 8.
I call it talking back. The 16yo went thru it at age 6. The 11 y/o did it at age 9 and we are nipping it in the bud with the 8 y/o right now.

I am a devout Christian and have taught my girls from infancy the scriptures, to be Christ-like and there role in the family.

This has been VERY EFFECTIVE... When it began, I am patient and explain that they are being very disrespectful, share scriptures. With all three I had to take it to the next level. I sat them down and firmly explained that I am the Mother and they are STILL AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE CHILD! Talking back is UNACCEPTABLE! Talking back means saying anything except for "yes, Mommy" when they are given something to do. I'm not asking a question so I don't want their opinion! Then we have a practice session. I tell them various things (Ex. "Brush your teeth" "get your shoes on", "clear your plate" "be quiet") and they respond "yes, mommy" each time. Explain that she has to say it loud, pleasantly and clearly or do it again (no attitude, rolling of the eyes, sucking teeth or mumbling). This conversation can not be fun, sweet mommy time. I am very firm, maintain eye contact and cont ask it they understand and they have to respond "yes mommy". There WILL be tears... My 11 y/o had the nerve to ask what will happen if she talks back. I told her, there is no need to make up a punishment because she WILL NOT cont to talk back!

During the day, if she is fresh, firmly say "Excuse me, how do you respond to mommy?" She will then have to apologize and say "yes Mommy". Now she will try to mumble or say it with an attitude but I make them repeat it until they say it pleasantly and respectfully.

I only had to do this correction for 2-3 days with all three girls. I don't make them cont to say "yes Mommy" but they hardly ever talk back anymore and if they do, a simple "Excuse me" evokes the "yes mommy". Even now, if I say excuse me the oldest, she responds "yes mommy" automatically.

I hope this helps!
D.

PS. All three cried and told me that I was being mean. I just asked them why they are crying. I should be the one crying because my baby that I love so much and do everything for is disrespectful to me and hurts my feelings. She treats her friends, teachers and others so nicely but treats me so mean and hurts my feeling, so I should be crying! Not you... This really shocked them, they felt bad (and they SHOULD) and they tried harder.

Does she by any chance show any bodily signs of puberty? I have three daughters...oldest is 20 and youngest is 11. All three did the very same thing that you are referring to, starting at the onset of puberty, peaking at around age 15, and then disappearing between 17 and 18. They would not realize just how sassy their comments were coming out of their mouths. Even a simple reply to a simple question would seem to me to be dripping with sarcasm. They were NOT this way when they were younger.
What has worked with each daughter is to help them to even notice how they were saying things, which I honestly do not believe that they were even aware of the changes in their conversations. I wish I had a dollar for every time I had to do it, but I would say something like this..."It is not WHAT you are saying...it is the TONE that you are using. What you just said is unacceptable. It would have have been better had you said it this way." I would then mimic how they said something and then repeat the very same words in a more acceptable format. After a few years, they finally 'got' it....or the horomones leveled off...whichever, I am happy to say that it did indeed pass. (still going through it with my 11 year old, and am doing the same thing with her that worked on her sisters.) I think that what happens is that they try to find their 'voice' as young women and don't always manage to pull it off with tact. They want to be able to express their thoughts and opinions and haven't mastered being able to do it quite correctly. I didn't want them to surpress their opinions or not be able to state a complaint, so the goal was to teach them how to do it within proper guidelines. I am betting that you have seen adult women who never did master the right way to say things. Either they remain silent and keep way too much inside...or they come off so aggrestive in their tone that they are labeled as cold and mean. The hardest part that I found during the process was not to respond in like manner. Very few parents will say that they went through the teen years with their children without having to deal with some issue or another. Hey, and we thought the terrible two's were tough! Just as it can be frusterating to deal with a two year old, it can be equally frusterating to deal with an adolescent. Matter of fact, I've heard the theory of how similar the adolescent years are compared to the two's. I think that when a parent responds with the same type of voice or even sarcasm, it sets the stage for the shouting matches that occur in some families at the 14-16 age range.

I know that eight seems young to be considering puberty, but the time scale has been pushed back. One daughter started her period at 9 and all three had chest development much earlier than I ever did.

All the best!!

have you tried reading a couple of stories in which the kids are going throug the same issues if it would help? Ask your librarian or store bookseller and see what is available! There are lots of manners and approriateness books for children her age! Best wishes and keep at it! It will work itself out if you keep trying!