8 Year Old and His Father's Family

I don't get why your mad at her. Did she have a bad attitude? From the written words she sounded very sympathetic, like she understood he may not want to be there and didn't want to force him there. Honestly, I would encourage him to talk to her (encourage him in a non-confrontational way) but don't force it. I would not force my child to see them (her dad's mom has seen her once, because of money issues, and her dad's father has never met her). I would encourage him to see them and maybe meet up in a park so it is a stress-free environment. I'm sure she would compromise if she wants to see him. Have a casual talk with him about why he is scared of going over there. Why does he not want to go? I know you say it's because of the crowd but still talk to him about it so you can subside his fears and he will feel like you understand and that trust will be there the next time you go. The next few visits for quite a while should not be more than a few hours. Expecting him to visit for hours and hours with adults he doesn't really know probably won't work.

Update: Oh Wow! Maybe you need to have a talk with his grandmother about her expectations. She can't just expect him to want to be over there all the time and be her best friend when they never see each other. Maybe having a talk about how he is nervous to be around her because of how she came off last time is in order. If she doesn't understand and compromise on stress-free environments, then he doesn't need people that are going to make him uncomfortable around. I'd be mad at someone too if they had a nasty attitude with my child. As for you, maybe in time you will get less angry at her for it, I would be upset too. Can you talk to her about what happened without it turning into a fight?

I'm not really sure why you are angry at her..... she didn't force him to stay when he was obviously not comfortable.... she probably felt that if she tried to even hug him, it would make it worse. If I was in that position, I would have suggested that he go home, also....

I think you calmly need to tell her what happened.... she was wonderful at saying he didn't need to stay, but I think she really does want to connect with him in some way. She doesn't know him that well, and doesn't know why he doesn't even want to talk to her now. Your son is probably embarrassed about what happened last time, and wants to avoid that in the future, too.

Some kids are overwhelmed easily in large groups, especially with people they don't know. That is basically what happened to him the last time.

I think you need to start over and suggest to her (and him) that it just be a couple hours each time, but this way she can start getting to know him. Also, remind her that it really needs to be just the two of them, not a bunch of other relatives.

Emphasize to him that she is his grandmother, and unfortunately, she hasn't had a chance to get to know him, but really does want to be able to be a grandma to him. Suggest to him that he just go over for a couple of hours..... maybe that way she can tell him stories of what his father was like when he was little? Maybe he would enjoy learning about his dad that way.

Maybe for the first couple of times, it could be you, your son, and his grandmother doing something that you know your son would enjoy... playing in the park, maybe, or something like that? That way he can start interacting with her again, but with you nearby.

D.:

It sounds like you are upset with your son's Grandmother and I don't know why...It does not sound like she was rude but sympathetic towards him...your son not liking large groups was in flight or fight mode - he fled...

it's hard for a person to come into a child's life mid-stream...i don't know if she has any other grandchildren or not but Thanksgiving - ANY Holiday for that matter can be stressful on kids.

I would not force him to go - however, I would do my best to make sure that he gets time with them - they are a part of him...if they want to take an active interest in his life - GO FOR IT!!

Slowly get your son accustomed to groups of people. If you knew this about your son - you should have better prepared him BEFORE you go to her house on Thanksgiving....however, i would have encouraged him to at least walk in the door...if he's not up for it - then okay - but at least he can say he tried....be polite to his grandmother and say "I'm not ready for this - there are too many people." He's 8, not 2. He can use his words. Help him.

I hope you are able to work this out!!

Yes, I would make sure to invite them to your home and plan outings where they can spend non stress time together. His grand parents can just be those kind of people who don't "get" kids. One of my friends in--laws were like that, once her kids got to be teenagers they became best friends. But as for when they were little? No way, they just didn't have a clue.

I understand the stress it can be to be left in the care of some one who is nearly a stranger and have all those other strangers to deal with. He needs to get to know grandma and grandpa outside of large family settings. So he can eventually go with them again and get to know his cousins and other relatives.