7 Yr Old Girl Taking a Shower with Another 7 Yr Old Girl

i can't imagine what the problem is.
what a weird country we live in, where anyone would raise so much as an eyebrow at this.
:( khairete
S.

Well J., we belong to a swim club, and the girls often showered together after swim practice, up until about the age of 10/11 or so (puberty?) at which point they became much more private. I never read anything into it, my girls were pretty good at letting me (an each other) know if they weren't comfortable with something :-)

Not a problem. My best friend and I would often shower together at sleep-overs. It was never sexual at all.

I took showers with my best friend at the age of twelve. No big deal. Naked does not automatically mean sexual.

I took showers with my best friend when we were 15! We were at a beach house with one shower, it was easier to shower together.

I don't know... really, we took family showers up until I was seven, my sister and I took baths up until we were 8 or 9 or so. And at big parties with lots of friends, the girls all just took showers together-- I think the eldest of us was 9 and the youngest was 6 or so-- we didn't think much of it.

That said, I do think todays parents are much more conservative than they were than when I was growing up (or my parents were pretty relaxed about it, I don't know) and I would go with what works best for you and your family, J.. If you feel that this is your comfort level, it's okay to let your daughter know that.

But do be aware of this-- all of us also took showers in PE and in gym and we all saw each other naked and hung out in the locker room. It's going to happen -- you and your wife might want to consider how to teach your daughter what is 'acceptable' and what isn't. You don't want her to not shower because she's worried that you and your wife think that group showering is bad. I know your instinct is 'protect my kid', you just also want to make sure you don't make that sort of situation harder for her as she gets older, so be very thoughtful in how you approach this; you might make her feel bad when she really didn't do anything wrong in her heart, y'know?

Geez, they are seven! Why not. Not a problem for me.

If my daughter and her friend are comfortable with taking a shower with one another & I know that the friend's parents have no issue with it either I'd allow it. My daughter is 9 and I doubt that'll come up for her but I don't view anything wrong with it.

Back when I was that age I occasionally showered with various family members and friends as needed. It wasn't something that scarred or harmed me.

To each his and her own; there is no right or wrong answer in this example as far as I'm concerned.

I think it's fine. I remember taking a bath with my best friend when we were 12, believe it or not, and it wasn't sexual.

My daughters have always done "Bathing Suit Baths/Showers" with their friends. That's where they both wear their swimsuits. They would come in from playing in the sprinklers or swimming and be cold, sometimes covered in dirt or grass and this worked out perfectly. You can suggest that. :)

If both kids are comfortable with it and are the same gender, I don't see a problem with it. Nudity is natural and our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. I can understand wanting privacy and that's ok, too, but I don't think any lines were crossed.

I know times have changed but I remember taking showers with friends all growing up. I never once thought anything bad about it. And i know i was way older than that. I honestly don't know if I'd let one of our girls shower with their friends though, because I'm aware that other parents might have a problem with it. But my nearly 7 year old step daughter takes showers with her 4 year old half sister all the time.

I really think it's up to the individual girls.

If you tell your daughter "you can't shower with Jenny, because it makes me uncomfortable"...isn't that a bit like saying "put on your sweater, because I'm cold"?

Empower your daughter with tools of good reasoning to think for herself and decide how she feels about this showering stuff. It won't be the last body/privacy-related decision she faces.

ETA: Your house, your rules. But empower her to make the decision in general, for times when she is at other houses etc.

Have you ever been in the women's locker room? We shower together long past the age of seven! I just returned from a week at camp where we had communal showers.

I don't have kids, but I have a 2yr old niece, so I'm always interested to see what the moms on this board have to say about these types of questions.

That said, I just want to comment about some of the answers so far, regarding girls/teens taking showers communally at gym class/swimming practice/etc.

Locker rooms & other communal showers typically are much larger than a bathroom. So even though there may not be complete privacy (although I know many that offer separate shower stalls for people who choose to use them), there is not as close of a proximity as two girls showering in a residential bathroom tub might experience.

Althought I want to think of 7 as an innocent age, nowadays many more girls are entering puberty earlier, & parents may need to start discussing modesty & privacy much sooner than our parents did for us growing up.

FWIW - I don't think there is never anything wrong with teaching our children to be protective of their bodies. We have seen posts & I'm sure many people know of someone who was, or has children who were, molested by family & friends. It doesn't always happen as an older male on a younger girl.

T.

I would have said no too, J.. Just because the answer is no doesn't mean it had a sexual connotation like some of the previous posts suggest. Things are much different than they were when we were all kids, and even though 7 is young, it's important to teach them modesty, and this is a good place to start. Locker rooms/gyms are way different than a private household bathroom.

At 7 it is probably fine. My kids are different genders (one boy one girl) so around the eldest turning 7 is when we finally stopped letting them have baths together. Up until then (daughter was just turning 4, he was turning 7) we had sometimes still bathed them together.

I have friends with multiple daughters, and they showered together well beyond age 7. They would take turns helping each other shampoo and rinse their hair.

I don't like the insinuation from some responders that just because you don't think this is appropriate, then you're associating it with something sexual. This is a good age to start teaching girls about privacy and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Well me and my close friends showered together pretty old and there was nothing inappropriate going on. If I had a daughter, I probably wouldn't have cared, girls are just different in that way I guess. But what you did was fine also, in parenting I say, go with your gut.

J.:

I don't think it was sexual - and I'm not sure if that's what you thought as well.

My daughter was taking "baths" at age 8 with a friend - we didn't have a pool and the yard wasn't set up for a slip and slide (we were living in Belgium and there is no air conditioning)....any way - I didn't have a problem with it.

Part of me understands - just because there's SOOOO much going on in the world....the other part of me says - J. - take a deep breath man - she's only 7....

Either way - it's YOUR home. Your rules. She didn't flip a nut.

If you feel the need to recap it with her - do. But I think it's past time to talk about it. For her? It's over and done with.

I would not have been comfortable with my daughter taking a shower with anyone at that age.

I don't see a problem with that. I remember taking showers with my friends when I was around 9 after swimming or going to the beach.

My gut reaction is that kids should take private showers when the option is available. Communal showering is common at clubs/gyms and school locker rooms..and serves a purpose for mass showers in short amounts of time.

When our kids have friends over they all shower on their own privately.

You and I know it isn't sexual in nature...but experimentation starts early. I would like to shield my kids as much as I can from easy situations to experiment things they are barraged with on the on tv, MTV music awards, music videos, billboards,a jaunt through the mall, music lyrics, internet and on the school playground etc.

I would have to count on fingers AND toes how many friends I know from growing up and now my adult friends, regarding their children, talk about inappropriate touching,and worse, happening at their friends' homes. Or happening at their own home, late at night when doors were closed and parents went to sleep.

I am glad you didn't flip out...no need to. It is great you casually asked questions and left it at that. We are a lot like you..simply teaching privacy. And I would talk to my kids about what to do when that situation arises again. A simple and kind, "You take your shower first then I will take mine. Let's hurry so we can have some time play before I have to go home." It is simple and gets each girl talking about showering fast so they can move on to more playtime.

You are such a great dad to be concerned so deeply about your kids! And that you and your wife are united in proactively teaching and raising your kids. Pat on the back dad!!

I agree with you and agree with your reasons. I am surprised the parents didn't give you a call if they thought this was no big deal. Oh, because it would be an awkward question for them. They really should have known better. It was a poor choice.

I think you did exactly the right thing. You explained to her about privacy and our bodies. And you didn't freak out when you told her no.

At this point, there's a lot of curiosity and interest in bodies. But there's not enough understanding of what is seen on TV or with other people and not cross a boundary. It's a parent's job to help our kids know what the boundaries are, and that's what you are doing.

I would ask the other girl's mom to tell her daughter, no showering with your daughter. Make it a light conversation and just say that you know the kids are young, but they're growing up fast and you would like to just nip the idea of showering together in the bud, and could she also?

Hope this helps.

I would be uncomfortable with it and not think it was appropriate either. I showered in junior high/high school with other girls but only because we had to!

i don't see anything wrong w/it at all.
my 4 yr old son & 6 yr old friend son take quickie showers (w/our help) when we come back fr the lake, or in your daughters case playing in the sprinkler. i think it's fine, but like you & your wife, i'll go w/my gut on this when it's time. so y'alls decision is on point for you & your fam :)

At that age, can't imagine why it's a problem...when my kid was that age, I would take her friends to the pool and they'd all shower together when done...even without their suits. Very few girls that age show any maturation.

My initial reaction was that it seems odd - I didn't take showers with my friends at that age. However, come high school everyone was showering together in the locker room showers, so in thinking about it, it doesn't seem like a big deal.

Every person and every parent is different.
If that is the way you/your Wife feel, there is NOTHING wrong with that.

My daughter at that age... well they play in sprinklers too. At our house or the friend's house. Fine. And sure, after they may take a shower.... at my house or their house. BUT.... my daughter will say herself... that her friend will go shower by herself in the family bathroom. And SHE will say herself... that SHE will go shower by herself. She will tell that to me or to her friend's Mom, if she is at another friend's house.
AND as a Mom, I ALWAYS... ask my daughter's friends... IF they want to shower at our house after playing in the sprinkler... but that, they will go shower by themselves. Because, that is not my child per say. Although I know the other Mom very well.
And even if my daughter is at another friend's house, she WILL speak up and say "I want to go by myself..." even if both families know each other very well. It is just, her wanting privacy.
HOWEVER, when my daughter and her friends were much younger, well they all went in the shower or tub together... BUT with their bathing suits on. Still. And they'd just rinse off and splash around.
But with their bathing suits on. My daughter at that age already wanted privacy about it.

Again, it is up to you and your Wife.
And then, tell that to the other parent.
I did, when my daughter was younger. But again, she speaks up. And will say her preference. Or she will just wait until she comes home. Unless it is a sleep over or something. But MOST parents we know... have the children take showers, separately. Already. By this age.
But its really up to you.
Don't feel awkward about it.
And then teach your daughter to speak up about it, and say.... her own preference too. Although 2 seven year old girls, don't think it a big deal to shower together. I mean, my daughter didn't think it a big deal at that age... BUT she just wanted her own privacy. So she'd say so.

I've always taught the kids that the bathroom is a private place. So no, I'd say no too.

My 9 yr old has a BF, who is practically a sister, because they've known each other as babies. They still bathe together (playtime in the bath) like they used to when they were toddlers. I doubt that will continue as they age.

When other friends come over (new school friends) those friends do not bath together with my daughter because the familiarity/comfort level is not there. One friend insisted on having a bathing suit during a bath/shower (were they in the tub together, I can't remember) and that was totally fine. She felt the need for modesty. Cool.

I don't see anything wrong with what you've described.

I agree with you. I am not really a fan of it with younger kids either (except maybe toddler aged siblings).

My MIL has allowed it with my daughter and my niece (5.5 years apart) and I don't like it at all. Once I said no then left to go home but hubby was there a bit longer before coming home w/ our daughter. When I called to see what was taking so long, it was because the girls were in the tub (I was furious).

Now that our niece is 12, they don't try it anymore.

My 7 year old and 11 year old GDs take a bath together usually every weekend. I have no problem with it. Now if it were a friend, I think I would be hesitant and would have them shower separately.

I don't see it as sexual in any way, but I remember showering with my grandmother - I was probably 4 or 5, and while it was, of course, very innocent and I adored my grandmother, there's an ick factor looking back on that memory. My memories are the only thing I regret. Seven is old enough to look back and remember and she may regret that memory in the future. But I don't think it's more than just two little girls hanging out together. You could suggest they keep their bathing suits on - that's how I used to shower at the pool with friends.

I do think it odd other parents having girls shower together at their house. I mean, why? I would ask that they shower separately, simply because other people might be uncomfortable with that. I would never want to make a parent feel uncomfortable to have a child at my house. I guess those parents don't have boundaries or thought processes like that.

I think locker room situations are completely different. Those are places where many kids are, and there is the expectation of showering. (There is also the opportunity for privacy, if wanted.) This is two children in a house that is not the home of one. I also would have said no.

I think spending the night at other people's house is more of a problem than showering. I am not worried about what two 7 yr old girls do but my parents were very protective of me and rarely (I can count on one hand) let me spend the night away from home and now that I hear all the things that have happened to other women I am glad. My kids have play dates and do alot with friends but when it comes time to go to sleep I have them at home. I do not like them tired and grouchy the next day from staying up half the night, so it works out great. Just saying that I find it interesting what people think is weird and then allow other things.