Hello We have a 7 yr old child which is the oldest and she for some reason feels its okay to act out at school, we have made it very clear that school is for learning not for making friends. Friends are a bonus, My real question is this a stage or is she pushing my bottons? We have tried it all and have not come to an understanding grant it she is not in troble all of the time but at least 4 times out of the month. She makes comments that some of her other friends dont get in trouble if they miss behave but she knows what will happen if she does act out. I would like to thank you all for your responses they were all great and I am thankful for a web site like this to get info. from. See my child is not doing bad accademicly she does make the comment that she does not have enough work to keep her busy and she is in the second grade. She is a sosical butterfly and makes friends anywhere she goes and gets along well with others. She is always talking and sometimes we wonder if she is just talking to talk.
I mean that we send her to school to advance, successed, and to make something of herself no to be acting out. That is our objective that is why we send her to school to learn. Making friends and talking and all that other stuff is for playing time and recess not while in class.
I think she is looking for Attention, maybe it is time for a new mommy daughter activity or an activity with who she is looking for the attention from. Just what I think.
Dont' forget .. one of the most important things learned in school is social skills. Not every child can grow up to be a rocket scientist ..... but almost every one of them will need good social skills to suceed at whatever they end up doing. I am not sure what you mean by "acting out". If she is just talkative and her teacher is a real stickler ... then I would not worry so much about it. If she is purposefully being disruptive to class ... then she is probably seeking extra attention. So finding a way to give it to her (extra one on one reading time with Mom or one of the parents have lunch with her one day a week ...... ) could make a difference. The school counselor is a good source if you feel you are not getting results on your own. Also remember .. military kids have extra stressors ... at the age of 7 they are beginning to understand what that uniform means (especially if you have AFN ) .... your family resource center should have information on talking to your kids about military family life .. and if you are at a DODDS school that school counselor is again a great idea.
My own 8 yr old girl has 3 brothers and LOVES to get out of our house to play with other girls ..... that gives her extra "girly talk time" and seems to help with her attention-seeking actions at home. Good luck ... and remember .... nurturing is far more benificial than punishing (although there is definitely a time for the time-out chair!)
M.,
What is the nature of her "acting out?" If, for instance, she is having conflict with other children, then that is different than if she is speaking out in class, or if she is talking to her friends in class when she shouldn't. Does this behavior interfere with her grades? Is she improving with consistent dicipline? How do you know she is making a "choice" to misbehave and is not making an excuse for something she can't fix without help? That is what kids with some learning issues do, they get frustrated with academics, and they act out in class and then they claim that they "meant" to do that...how do you know which one applies to her? Most kids do not just push buttons for the heck of pushing buttons, they have something to learn or some need that is not being met yet and they are telling you, indirectly, what that is. I would worry that you are not listening to what she is trying to tell you, even if it is nothing, because you are focused on how her behavior makes you feel. It should not be about us, it is about them.
No one can give you advice without more details, except that she is 7 years old, and one would assume, she is in the first grade. First grade is a time where children "learn" the expectations of a classroom and how to adjust thier behavior to fit the situation they are in. It is still new to them, and they don't just pop out of the womb knowing how to do that. Some kids take longer than other kids to get it, and some kids just know how to hide what they are doing wrong better than other kids and get away with things that others do not. Getting into some kind of trouble once per week while she is learning how to navigate school is not necessarily a problem, but if it is, you should find out and get her the help that she needs while it is still just once per week.
Go to the teacher and ask if she is having an issue, ask about academics, and ask if there is anything that is not typical about her. You should have a parent teacher conference very soon, and if it is not already scheduled, then schedule one.
M.
I'd let her suffer the natural consequences. Wouldn't you rather she learn how her actions will affect her now as opposed to when she's older and more likely to make bigger mistakes like flunking out of High School. You've told her that she needs to behave in school or she'll get in trouble. Let her use/ignore that knowledge and get into trouble and realize that maybe you're right. Have you asked her what she thinks she ought to be doing in school? Turn the situation around so that she has to think through her choices. Ask her how she plans on handling the situation. Provide her opportunities to make her own choices, so that later in life she'll have the confidence to make wise decisions without having to ask someone else what to do, not submit to peer pressure.
Good luck!
I have a 7 year old girl... almost 8.
I am very sorry.. but I don't understand.. why school is for learning only and not for making friends and that friends are a 'bonus'????
She is looking for attention, positive or negative. Try finding something positive she can do with you.
We rewarded good behavior at school. Mine acted out every day, all the time so at home on days he got a smiley he would get chocolate milk.
Also when going for parent teacher conferences I always asked how they got along with the kids in the class. If the child is happy, making friends, and feels comfortable they will learn. It's when they have no friends and are sad or upset all the time that they give up on school, then no learning happens.
