My 6 year old son has had problems in the past about personal ''belongings''. Last year, his teachers spoke to me 3 different times about his innappropriatness in the bathroom with other boys. He has done little things...like pull other's pants down, but when it happened with my (then) 2 year old nephew, it caused lots of friction with family. The school counselor recommended seeing a psychiatrist, just to be sure no one has done something like this to him (he has bi-weekly visits with his dad and who knows what he's around). Turned out the situation never came up again and deemed plainly curiosity.
To be proactive, I asked his first grade teacher this year to have him use the bathroom by himself...in hopes of not presenting an opportunity. It has been about 8 months since the last incident, and today I find out he had his pants down in the bathroom telling everyone 'look at me' (I'm waiting to hear back about how long it's been since he was using the bathroom by himself).
We've tried so many different punishments. Ignore, shame, reasoning. Nothing seems to stop it completely.
Anyone have suggestions?
it doesnt sound too sexual, sound like goofy boy stuff to me! However, it CAN be a sign of something sexual being done to him, so maybe a trip to the pediatrician to examine him and a gentle sit down with your boy. Hes 6, and understands right and wrong at this point
Hi K.,
This is a tough issue, because there is a fine line between normal curiousity/typical "boys will be boys" behavior and serious inappropriate issues that need to be dealt with. I don't know which category your son falls into, but I agree with "Everymom" below in that it would be a good thing to continue to be proactive about this while it is still in your control. We experienced this with two brothers in our homeschool group, and it ended up getting ugly because what started out as just silly, boy stuff turned into kids abusing other kids. DSS got involved and several families in our town were affected by it. I would definitely say keep an eye on whether there's a pattern following visits with Dad, or any other pattern of when this stuff seems to happen. But it also wouldn't hurt to have your son see a counselor. It's so hard to be objective yourself because you're worried, or embarrassed, etc. and kids pick up on that. I would say a certain amount of curiosity is normal, but at 6, your son is old enough to know that he needs to respect others' personal space, so I would think that there is some kind of issue that should be dealt with, and a counselor could help figure out what that might be, and help come up with ways to help before it becomes a really big deal. It sounds to me like you are handling it right and trying to stay on top of it. Keep up the good work, and I'm sure it will work out.
My son is 5 and obsessed with his "private parts" as well. Not only does he talk about private parts-both boys and girls- he constantly is touching himself, he says "it gets big"-- and he thinks its very funny., I dont know what to do about it, Im just hoping the obsession will stop before it gets out of hand,and hopefully before Kindergarten starts. He will pull his pants down and say "look, Im funny" and run around the room- Im thinking its for attention!?!? I really dont know either, is this even "a stage"?
I know this may seem basic, but has he ever been asked why he's doing it? I think a lot of times we over analyze our children with out first acknowledging the intellect and awareness they hold. His answer with some simple probing may provide more info than you may have guessed.
K.. i would take him to they msccp. in brockton. if he was justa baby i would say its ok . but he is kind of to old now to be doing this . could it be that something happent to him at school? they msccp is on north main st , i would call them and arange fora intake. that is where i go with my girls. and they have helpet mea lot. they can get moore out of him then you can . mayby he will tell them something . that he does not want to tell you . the connnnnselors are just ggreat . if you want there phone no . please e mail me back and ill find it for you
B.
Hi K.~
I would definitely find out what's going on at Dad's house. The saying "boys will be boys" applies to the "grown up" boys as well. He may be doing similar things at his dad's house and dad might find it amusing so just reinforces the behavior. Since it's not something that seems to be happening on a regular basis maybe it's just for attention when he's feeling a little neglected.
I would go ahead and talk to a therapist. If nothing else he or she can offer you support and offer suggestions in a non- threatening environment.
K.,
Before you get a less understanding teacher or another student becomes uncomfortable with his behaviors and another parent gets involved, please seek counseling. It may be that he behaves inappropriately at his dad's and gets a lot of laughs. However, he is young and REALLY needs to learn about boundaries before he crosses any more of them. Limiting the opportunity for inappropriate behavior is one piece but addressing the behavior is the other. There are lots of pediatric psychologists who can work with your little boy, your doctor probably has a referral list at the office. You need to get on this issue NOW before either the school or someone else makes a call that takes it out of your control. Wishing you good luck.
Hi K. -
I have two "Crazy" boys too - ages 8 and 7 years old. Love them to pieces - they are crazy but are so much fun!!
I would suggest finding out from the school how long he's not been going alone (get all the facts first) and it wouldn't hurt to make a special appt with the therapist again and let him/her know about it.
It's probably him just being a 6 year old, but I would definitely be cautious just in case. Having and ex-husband myself (I've SO been there!!), I would DEFINTELY get in tune to what's going on over there and who your son's around, for your son's sake, and make sure he's not in any danger there, knowing he is probably not in danger.
Good luck to you and please keep us posted!!!
