Should I allow my 6 year old to go to my grandfather, his great grandfather's, funeral when he just lost his grandfather, my dad, 3 weeks ago and just went to his grandfather's funeral 3 weeks ago? My dad went in for a heart cath on 11/2/10 and had a heart attack while the doctor was trying to repair the blockage and he didn't make it. My 6 year old and his "pap-pap", my dad, were very close. They did EVERYTHING together and they LOVED each other very much!!!! My son is still dealing with the fact that he will NEVER get to his "pap-pap" again and still begging for his "pap-pap" to come back from heaven to get him off the school bus and wants to go to heaven to see his "pap-pap." Recently my grandfather, his great-grandfather ("papa Mike") passed away on 11/22/10. My husband and I are trying to decide if my 6 year old should go to his "papa Mike's" funeral, when he just attended his "pap-pap's" funeral exactly 3 weeks ago.
yesterday was my grandfather's funeral. I chose not to take my son with me ti the funeral. He went to work with his dad and made a little money. I did talk about my grandfather passing away to him. I told him that his "papa mike" and his "pap-pap" are now in heaven together and they love him very much that they are now his gardian angels and will be loving him and watching him from heaven. I know I made the right decision because I took him and my cousins girls to chuck e cheese after the funeral and we happened to pass a cemetery and my son told my cousins girls that his "pap-pap" is in that heaven and he was going to bring him back. I couldn't let him think that he was at heaven because my grandfather's funeral was in the same place my dad's funeral was. We just keep talking about all the good memories he had with both of them and I keep lots of pictures around. Thank you to all the wonderful advice and warm concerns. I don't even know you but I appreciate each and everyone of you. Thank you sooo much and God bless. Have a happy, wonderdul, and loving holiday. J.
I am so sorry for your loss. In my opinion, 2 funerals in such close proximity is too much for a 6 year old to handle. Go with your gut feeling- take care, Molly
What a difficult situation to go through for your little one. It breaks my heart just reading about him calling his "pap-pap." I think you should spare him of going to another funeral. His young mind is trying to make sense of things right now. He does not need more pain and confusion. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain of your baby.
If he did not know your grandfather well leave him with a friend while the funeral is going on. His loss of his own grandfather is more than enough for him to deal with.
This happened to us 6 years ago. My daughter placed photos of "Opa" with her son in his room. She let her sons have a bit of his ashes in a tiny bottle when we scattered his ashes. This I would not have done but it did comfort the boys. The older one was a teenager and he knew about death but the younger one was 9 and that was really difficult.
Death is final and it is a pity your son has to learn this lesson so early.
I'd say leave him home for this one, it's too much too close together. Only you know your son the best. Do what momma's instinct is telling you to be the right thing in this situation.
Hi J.
I think you did a good thing about bringing him to his grandfather's funeral because they had a close relationship.
I think the fact that you are asking for advise on the second funeral of your grandfather shows that you have reservations bringing your son to this funeral.
Go with your gut instinct, maybe a second funeral might be too much for him.
Sorry for your loss,
B.
It is so hard when mutiple losses happen so close together. There is no right answer to this, except that you know your son, and go with your gut instinct. If he does not attend the second funeral, though, I would make sure that he knows he can talk with you about both losses. This has got to be hard for your whole family and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Was he close to his great grandfather? Did he have a relationship with him like he had with your dad? IF the answer is "no," then I would say leave your son out of the funeral. He is so young to understand what death truly means and despite what people think, children have a very hard time dealing with death. My grandmother died when I was 9 and I was very close to her. I fell into depression after her death. The adults in my life should have known to do something for me but at that time, nobody did anything. I cried all the time and begged God to take me so I could be with my grandmother. Don't underestimate the grief your son is experiencing. If he continues to cry and have a hard time dealing with the grief he is experiencing, I would suggest you talk to your pastor or perhaps a therapist.
I say, "Yes.". Death is part of dealing w/ things in life. Allow him to be a part of it. Might also want to get a book called, "When a Loved One Dies". This is a CHILDREN'S BOOK to help them understand and deal w/ it. I used to work in a children's bookstore and there is pretty much a book to help kids deal w/ ALL KINDS of life situations. You just have to be aware of them and know what resourses you have.
TALK TALK AND TALK about all of this.........feelings, frustrations, etc. Let him make a scrapbooks about his grandfather(s). Take as much time as you need. When you and/or he feels sad and are trying to deal w/ it....spend some time creating a scrapbook of memories.....pictures, notes of favorite things you did together, funny things he said, etc. It is a VERY healing thing and one that you'll have for as long as you live. Something you can even share w/ other family members who may not know much about him or are too young to have known him well.
Not talking about it and trying to stay busy avoiding or doing other things is the WORST thing you can do. I KNOW.......my mother told me I just needed to "stay busy" when my fiance died and it took me 13 years to finally take time to deal with it.
