We have a group of kindergardeners that play together. One of the boys is being me to the other kids. He is hurting them. I had ask him to my sons birthday party a while back. The party is coming up in a few days and I don't know what to do. The mom is angry and can tell the other mom's are not hanging out with her. I don't want the kid that is being mean to kids to cause a problem. How would you handle it. Some of the other mom's said they are thinking of talking to her. I am not sure if they have or even will. I want my son's party to be fun. I do not want to be worrying if he is going to be hurting anyone. Some mom's said if he gets mean they will just leave. New at this Help please.
I would just watch him like a hawk and hope for the best!
If trouble ensues, then talk with the Mom.
I bet it will be fine.
Will mean boy's mom be in attendance (let's call him M)? If so, when and if mean boy acts up, state the house rules to everyone, and get her involved in the consequences. i.e.
M hogs a toy. You state loudly. We all need to take turns and play nicely. If M doesn't relent. Call over Mamma M and say, I think you need to intervene. M is having a hard time taking turns.
If M, and his Mamma can't abide by your house rules you can either choose to say, "Terribly sorry Mamma M, it looks like M is having an off day. We can't have him continue to cause upset at the party, perhaps its time for you to take M home." or you can choose to ride it out at the party, and perhaps not invite M over in the future.
If you've got the stomach for it, I would allow a 3 strikes and your out policy. M, and his Mamma might need a break and a chance to do the right thing. It would be lovely if you can afford them that chance, esp as the other parents are already giving them a cold shoulder.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
Unless you are sending invitations to the entire class and the boy is in the class, you don't have to invite him. You can just invite who you want to invite.
If this child is hurting people, the mothers need to correct him if his mother is not around. If his mother is around, still correct him gently. If she doesn't like it, that's too bad.
It's sad for this child, but if someone doesn't let him know how to behave when he's behaving badly, he'll never learn.
Does the mom know that her son has been mean? Have the other parents communicatied with her about his behavior? If they are shunning her, because of his behavior, Why? Has she been told and just decided not to take action? I think we are missing something.
At the party, he is mean. Your party your rules, put him in time out.. Talk to him ahead of time.. 3 chances and he is out. It should be fine.
Good luck
I would just keep a very close eye on him at the party. The first wrong move he makes, I would be talking to the mom about it. If he can't be nice, then ask them to leave and limit future events with him. The other moms should do the same. Good luck.
He will not be mean in front of mom.
I have been in both situations. My older son's friend was hurting him. I had to end the friendship between the boys. I didn't handle it well and wound up hurting the mom's feelings.
Fast forward a few years. What goes around, comes around. Now I have a loving but challenging 6 yr old. My younger son is impulsive and occasionally will hit his brother or sister. Sometimes other kids if provoked, but it's rare.
Anyway, I would call the mom and discuss what's going on with her son. Be as nice and supportive as you can. You don't know what she is dealing with. Maybe she disciplines and he doesn't respond to it. Maybe she doesn't know he is hurting other kids. Let her know he can still come. If the child hurts other kids at party, he needs either a time out or to go home. she must follow through with it.
He's at your party, at your house. I would watch him and the way he behaves with the other kids. If he acts out of turn and the Mom doesn't see or doesn't discipline, I would step in myself (it's your duty to do so at your own party) and tell him that his behavior isn't acceptable and to stop. If he continues, then I would say, 'come with me, we need to find your Mom' and I would take his hand and walk him over to his Mom and explain the situation calmly and let her know that he might need a little break because he was doing 'xyz' and then look at him and say, "you're welcome to come play with everyone again when you're ready to follow the rules, we love to have a fun guy like you around to play with'. You will know by her reaction at that point if she is going to be overly defensive, or if she is doing her best to discipline him and having a difficult time.
