6 And Soon to Be 5 Year Old Still Sleep with Mom & Dad

I heard this from a friend recently.... Her son was having difficulty with staying in his bed, he would cry and cry. She "bribed" her son to stay the whole night in his bed. If he woke up in the morning in his bed she would put a nickel in a jar. When the total was big enough he could then buy whatever he wanted with the money. She said it took a few nights but pretty soon he was sleeping through the whole night in his room.
Good luck.
A.

Hi C.,

I have a 6.5 year old girl who did go through quite a spell of "nightmares" or similar night disturbances in hopes of getting to sleep with us. What we did is put a loft bed above the foot of our bed and she's been happy as a clam up there. She just really doesn't want to sleep alone. We also have a 17 month old son who co-sleeps with us. Then add the dog and the two cats and well, it's pretty cozy! I have a spare room that we use if Mom and Dad need some "alone" time.

I'd say if you don't want them in your bed with you to make it a point to set up sleeping bags or pallets on the floor for them that way if they have nightmares they have a place to sleep. Remember that while they may seem too old to be doing this there is most likely an underlying reason why--nightmares, or as the pp said the want to not sleep alone? Know that it won't last forever and while it may be bothersome rightnow it will come to an end.

#!, get your husband to a doctor to have his prostate checked (or to check for diabetes). If he is getting up even 3 or 4 times per night, he is not getting good sleep, and his health is seriously at risk. First and foremost, he is at higher risk for stroke, high blood pressure, obesity, depression...and the list is endless.... He is a zombie, no doubt and barely functioning...he will feel so much better when he can sleep!!

#2, if your husband is up that much, perhaps the kids are hearing him? or at the very least, he should be noticing that they are in bed with you. Enlist his help and keep putting them back to bed in their rooms. Is there something that is waking them up consistently (besides the flushing toilet), like a street cleaner or the paper boy or dogs barking? Perhaps some quiet background music in their rooms would keep them from noticing outside noises?

The bottom line is that you have to keep putting them back in their own rooms....

If they truly are consistently having nightmares (or night terrors) you might want to talk to their pediatrian about that.

I know how you feel my kids kept doing that for a long time and then when I broke them of that they would sleep together even though they started out in their own beds. I tried everything to break them of that habbit because my son who was in preschool moves around and would wake up my daughter who was in 2nd grade. I know it sounds silly but the only things I could get to work was to hang Chistmas rope lights in their room instead of a regular night light but the most important thing for them was I bought them each a dream catcher I used to think because they were crying they must be having bad dreams but after a few days of having the dream catchers in their room and telling them what they are for they almost never wake up anymore, maybe once a month at the most. When they do have a bad dream I tell them that their dream catcher must have been full and we take it outside and shake it out. I think sometimes you have to find what works for you and your kids and sometimes it's something you would not normally think about. Good luck!

Why worry about it? They want to be with you. You are a source of comfort. My folks woulnd't let me sleep with them and I spent many a scary night by myself. Not with my kids. My 5yo and 7yo sometimes join us. Fine.

if you don't know then don't worry about it.. it isn't hurting a thing.. but if it is a big deal..
then put up a reward chart and they get a sticker for every time they stay in their bed and at the end of the week they can choose a prize from the treasure chest..
my friend did this and after one week with no prize her three year old was back in her bed.

What is so wrong with it if you don't even notice they are there? I bet once you stop making such a big deal about how they should not be in there, they will stop coming in!

Don't make your room off limits, it only makes them scared that you are shutting them out. They can't verbalize this, but they feel like you are withholding love, even if that is not your intention. They are just trying to hold onto it!

Make up a space for them to sleep near you that is acceptable like the pp said, sleeping bags at the foot of your bed or next to it. If you let them know you care and they are welcome, it won't be such a big deal. You know how kids don't want something until you say they CAN'T have it!

You could also try to see if there is anything you can do to make their rooms more welcome, a special night light, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.

Try letting them camp out in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve! Set up sleeping bags and make it special. We always did that when we were little!

If it really bothers you during the week, how about letting them sleep with you on the weekends and holidays? Maybe they would look forward to Friday night when you all go to bed together. It might help them stay in their rooms on school nights. Just make sure you don't lock your door again! That is really scary to a kid, to not have access to a parent! I hope you can find a happy solution. They are still young and they won't be in your bed forever! I promise!

We had problems with our 2 yr. old and ended up putting a child door latch on the inside of his door so he couldn't open his door. I've also heard of putting a sock with a rubber band over the door knob or even installing a locking bathroom door backwards, so you can lock them in. This sounds mean, but it is for their own good and your own good. Of course you should temper it with positive affirmation. You can do a sticker chart and when they've accumulated so many stickers for staying in bed, they can pick out a toy or candy from the grocery store. Whatever works to positively motivate them. You may have a coupld of rough nights ahead, but the end result will help all ov you sleep better.

Reward systems work pretty well, also the "special" nights-I remember growing up and on Friday nights us kids could "camp" out in the front room on the hide-a-bed (and not wake my parents for sat morning cartoons)....

Is it possible for them to at least have a spare sleeping bag in each other's rooms? Some kids share rooms and they seem to need mom and dad less because they at least have each other and that may be the first option you give them...

But all the other advice sounds really worth looking at. My dd is almsot 3 and co-sleeps with us after 2am... I'm due in April and will see if she will prefer her own bed when the baby is sharing mommy's room or not. I know that 95% of the world co-sleeps and in case of fire or breakin, I feel a bit better having her in our room to grab and go... but you need to find the solution that works for YOU-good luck!

We got a clock for our 8 year old that projects the time onto the ceiling and made it a rule to please not come into our bed until after 4 am so we could have enough sleep to be happy parents. He soon learned to roll over and fall back asleep.

As you can see, it took us a while to come to this solution, but it worked like a charm.

You've had lots of good suggestions, I'll add a couple more. It's often good to remember that "offer a preferable alternative when you are trying to extinquish a behavior".
Also when my daughter came in sometimes frequently, i offered the option of staying in her own bed or sleeping on my floor, but not in my bed.
Good luck with finding the alternative that works for you.

Hi C.! I have 4 kids and my youngest (our first girl) was pulling that about a month ago. Like you, I'm usually out of it when they come into our bed, but for a couple nights you and your husband will have to make a special effort to "light sleep." We kept putting her back into her bed whenever she came in (sometimes 3-5 times a night). After realizing neither mommy or daddy were going to let her stay in our bed, she decided to stay in hers. This didn't work overnight; in fact, it probably took a good week of her trying to get us to give in. We were exhausted from it, but it has paid off now and she just turned 2 and sleeps every night, all night in her own bed. It is wonderful! With the holidays and you probably having some time off, it would be perfect. Good luck!!