6 1/2 Year Old and Discipline

I think what you mght have to do is switch to a weekly reward system.
I have several friends who do this.
For instance, don't take a toy or video game away just for a day.
That's not working. If your daughter loses one of those things, she loses it for the rest of the school week.
Talk to the teacher and have her send home a weekly report. If she gets a good report on Friday, she gets her toys or her video games back. If not, she can try better next week. That will certainly get it through to her that it's not just a whoopsie for a day thing. And, if she gets a good report, think of a reward that she will really like such as choosing a movie for the whole family to watch on the weekend or something like that.
As for sports, I was very strict with my kids about that. If they weren't keeping up in school with their assignments, etc......no sports. That might sound mean, but to me, school comes first. My kids didn't have to get straight A's or anything, but if they were goofing off in class or not using their time wisely, juggling school and sports was a privelege they had not earned.
I have a friend whose son did something really, really disrespectful to the teacher in class and he was given after school detention. His mother marched right in and pulled him out because she didn't think it was fair for detention to interfere with his karate class.
I, personally, don't think karate should have interfered with his detention and being disciplined for something he'd done that was very inappropriate. The whole thing completely undermined the teacher and the child didn't learn anything other than he didn't have to worry about getting in trouble at school because apparently karate was more important.
My kids were both bery involved in sports and they knew from the time they were very young, like your daughter, that the first thing they would lose would be a practice or game or tournament. It was something that really mattered to them and they didn't want taken away so it was good incentive to be on their toes at school. I had to take away a coulple of games from my daughter, but I never once had to do it with my son. He learned from her mistakes and knew I was serious.
I know your daughter is only 6, but the weekly report thing can be very effective and it's good to implement these things when they are young as opposed to trying to get them straightened out later after bad habits have formed.
That's just my opinion.
Your daughter may be acting up at school because whe likes the attention, because she thinks she's being funny, maybe she's bored.
These are certainly things to work on and get to the bottom of with the teacher. You might even need to let your daughter know you will be checking in with the teacher on a daily basis for a while so you can figure out what's best to do.
But try the Friday reward system. If she gets a good report, she can help make homemade pizza and pick a movie and you can celebrate a good week. If she doesn't get a good report, you still love her, talk about what she can do to do better next week.

I hope you get some good responses.

What are her teacher's thoughts on this? If this is just starting, was there something at school/home/friends that has changed where she might be reacting? Is she struggling with something in school or bored? We have had similar circumstances, and it was one or a combination of some of these issues... I think if it continues, perhaps consider talking with her teacher about a behavior plan at school, so she sees everyone is working together, and she gets positive and negative reinforcements. Good luck!

Kristina's thoughts of working with the teacher and gaining his/her insight and support are excellent. I also love Shane's ideas for the positive reinforcements, and Nancy's idea from family therapy and responsibilities is on target as well. Nice everyone.

Hi P., May I also suggest making the consequences as natural and logical as possible. Anything that happens at school where consequences are given by the teacher are natural and we can support them, receiving back-up in not having to be the heavy all the time.

I do always want to examine any potential recent stressors she may have experienced as well as I would certainly consider (even though it sounds like you are paying her a lot of attention) she may still be jealous of the younger ones who probably need to command more of your time. To this end, I would look to reinforce her for being the wonderful big sister. Include her in "teaching" them whatever she is mastered (how to pick up toys, "reading" them a book, and so forth). Good luck! S. A. K., MFT, Family Therapist.
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It sounds like you may have some strong-willed kiddos like I do (I knew I was at my wit's end when I called my mom and cried to her that nothing was working to keep my son from climbing on things...including into my younger son's crib-not removing the child, not consequences-usually losing toy/dessert/etc, not verbal warnings, not yelling, not polite asking, not explaining things to him, not time out, not that unmentionable thing (i.e. open handed swat on the bum), not even learning the hard way (i.e.letting him fall from something not high after climbing on it- and being asked to get down- with minimal comfort when he falls and starts crying)-sound familar to you too?

What was her suggestion (my mom "raised" a lot of kiddos in her daycare so I trust her opinion tons)? Love and logic! Check out www.loveandlogic.com and see if there is a conference near you or watch for another webinar (I just took the webinar in the beginning of May)...but in the meantime, see if your library has any of the books...it is pretty over the top (everything starts with a sing-songy "uh-oh"-though I took the specific 0-6 class so I imagine there may be other things they teach for the older kids in their normal siminar- though with her being on the border, I would suggest hearing the 0-6 class) but I thought "no way is this going to work", but it did!!! My 2-yr-old went from climbing on things to just having me sing "uh-oh" and he climbs right back down- it even helped with his potty-training-went from 1 or more accidents a day to going on 5 completely dry days with him going by himself even-no more nagging from me!!!

It is hard for me to always remember to us "love and logic" techniques because I am so used to the other more common techniques for discipline, but I am really working hard at it and our house is becoming more quiet and less naggy- and the love and logic techs are so simple and they do make sense! I love it! Maybe try it too! Gotta love strong-willed kiddos!

We were in family therapy for a time to blend 2 families, and the therapist never recommended taking things away as punishment because you can have the response you're getting---"I don't care--take it all." Then what? The solution she recommended was a jobs chart for each child, and to add things to each child's list of responsibilities for punishment. Sticker charts are very motivating at this age so she can see her progress. Stickers when she does a job, rewards when she has a good week. Extra chores when she breaks the rules. Ask your daughter to participate in making these rules, so she can't say "that's not fair". Example: act up in school=pick up dog poop in yard for 3 days, don't do homework=put dishes away for 3 nights. Chores on her level, write everything down so there's no argument. This puts everything down in black and white, and she can see her responsibility for each decision she makes. Goood luck.