5.5 Year Old Constantly Pushing the Envelope

Hi M.,
One thing I did notice about your writing is that you tell him repeatedly, or several times. I for one used the 1 2 3 method with my boys. I never got beyond 2. Because the first time they know you mean business when you do exactly what you say your going to do. example: If you continue to do act out like that, I am going to count to 3. If I reach three we will leave this party, store or where ever you may be. The first time you may reach 3, then leave. No matter if you have a full carriage of groceries, leave, go home and its time out. No need to yell. If your home, stop what your doing , count and put him in time out. Our time out was a small chair facing a blank wall. No talking or asking to get up. If they did, I started over. I did time out one minute for each year. He is 5, he gets five minutes. And if you need time to your self, say 10 minutes. Tell your child you need a time out, put the timer on for you. This way he will know when he can be with you. I also did a reward chart for being a good boy, they love that. It worked well for me. My son was ADD, but it didn't mean he does not understand if you misbehave, you have to have a time out. He understood quickly when he realized I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. I alway think when you try new things, it gets worse before it gets better. But its worth it!! good luck!

Hi M..
I am a mother of a teenaged son who is ADHD and sounds like he had lots of the same behaviors when he was young.For the past 28 years I have been teaching elememtary children.

My best suggestion is to try hard to give positive attention and try to ignore the negative. of course sometimes it isn't possible but do the best you can. also keep pursuing the ADHD diagnosis. I have seen kids who miss alot of beginning learning skills because of the inability to focus. It can also impact friendships. As much as most of us don't want to give meds to our kids, it can make such a huge difference both socially and with learning new skills.

It sounds like you are trying to read...there are many good books.. and the hardest thing is being consistent but try to be strong. also lots of discussions with him about how his behavior effects others...even it he doesn't seem to understand talk about it.

I bet he also needs time to adjust to change..so be sure to give him plenty of notice and a chance to react...my son had a hard time going new places even if it was some place he wanted to go...just work through it.

well that is all I have time for now...I hope it is helpful. There is a book by Mary Fowler about ADHD called Maybe you Know my Kid...I think.. There are many good books and internet information.

Stay patient...

M.:

I have an almost 8 year old who was diagnosed with ADHD and so I understand what you are going through. My question to you is, why won't he be diagnosed until 1st grade? The factors for diagnosing are the symptoms must occur in more than one setting and be present for at least 6 months. Sounds to me like you should haven't wait until 1st grade.

Who tested your son? I highly recommend a neuropsych evaluation - to get an accurate picture. You say his behavivor gets worse in social situations - it could be the ADD/ADHD or it could be sensory issues or even social anxiety - depends on what's going on.

Positive reinforcement works best, it may seem difficult on some days to find even one positive thing, I know! Hang in there, you are doing all the right things. Consistency is the key. It's taken me almost 3 years to get where I am, and it's still difficult at times.

Please don't hesitate to e-mail privately if you have any questions or just need to vent!

C.

Hi M.,
I have an 8yr old daughter who is very spirited and is always challeging a boundery!I also have her being evaluated for ADHD but she dose well in school so they wont diagnos her.But she does have a Language Based Learning Disorder which she curently has an IEP.
When she was three and I got up and left somewhere she would kick and scream. I would just through her over my sholder and bring her to the car.Just hold firm with the limits. When you say No dont go back no matter how exausted you are or how much you want it to end. It dose get better! She will now only push the limits a little.( I only get 1-2 PLeeeeeease insted of 7:)Getting to this point was hard and EXAUSTING!!!! We still have trouble with tempertantrums and
she still has a difficult time playing by herself, she always wants a playdate!
Just stick with the limits even if it gets old:) It will get better but stay strong and dont let people say that its in your mind!Good Luck!!!
K.

M. I wish I had the magic potion for you, but it sounds like were in the same boat. My son just turned 6 and hes the same way. Thankfully at kindergarten and in social situations he is very well behanved and respectful. The best savise I have for you is to work on one part of the issue at a time. Tellhim b-4 going out that if his behavoir is appropriate he'll get s sticker and when he gets X amount he can get a small treat. Then take it from there. Good luck hang in there and email if you need support!

I don't have any boys myself, but my sister has three and so does a close friend. My sister's boys are 4, 2, and 6 months, but I would say she has the same problem as you with her 4 year old. My friend on the other hand has found what caused the behavior problems with her boys (the youngest ones 6 and 2 years old). It was the food they were eating. Once she eliminated gluten, sugar, and processed foods, as she put it 'they turned into angels'. Took a lot of dedication on her part, and the whole family now eats what the kids eat so not to make them feel like they have some kind of a special diet. I don't know if this would help you, but I think it is quite true that many kids behavior problems are directly affected by what they eat.