Recently (like the past month) my 5 yr old daughter has started having seperation anxiety. Everytime I leave the house, I get a phone call from whoever is watching her telling me that she wanted to hear my voice. Once she gets on the phone, she starts crying and telling me that she "just wants me". This happens at home, at daycare, even at her grandparents homes. Then when I am at home she wants to be either on my lap or follows me everywhere I go. I can't even go to the bathroom with out her either wanting to come in with me or standing outside the door. And if that wasn't enough, she wants to sleep with me too. If I tell her no, she will go to sleep in her bed (after crying for a while) but then the next morning, I wake up and she is in bed with me.
I am at my wits end and I am losing sleep over this due to being kicked and layed on all night long. Is this normal? I do not remember my son doing this at all!! Any suggestions you ladies have would be GREATLY appreciated!
First of all I want to thank each and every one of you for all of the advice that you have given me. I talked to my daughter and have just spent some one on one time with her and it turns out that she is just missing me and is in a group at her daycare that is too young for her. See, I just started back to work in August 2007 and had stayed at home with her for the past 2 years and at first, yes she enjoyed going to school...then we had Thanksgiving Break, then we had the ice storm in December, then right after that we had Christmas Break...during which, she got to stay home with me and/or my husband. I have spoken with her Daycare (she is not in "real school" yet due to the cut off date for Kindergarden, and the fact that the 4 year old program is full) and I think we have come up with a solution to the problem of her still being with younger 4 yr olds.
Again, thank you all for all of your help.
Lots of communication. Make time everyday to get her to speak to you about what is going on in her life. You maybe able to open her up and find out the root of the problem.
My little girl (who just turned 6) went through something very similar. I sometimes work a lot of hours, and of course when we get home it's laundry, dinner, feed the dog, homework, etc... I have discovered that if I just STOP the chores for about 30 minutes a night, shut the TV off and just play with her-anything she chooses, she is more content and a lot happier. In time the coming into our bed stopped and the tears at daycare stopped too!
It made me realize that she just needed a little one on one quality time with Mom.
My daughter goes through that in stages and she is 7 years old. She is having a terrible time right now. It is funny because I was thinking about asking for advice too. She is really nervous about many things right now and we have also had to pick her up at her Grandparents and today she cried all morning before school. She says her stomach hurts and her heart is beating fast etc. I feel horrible for her but the one thing I am going to try to do is slow down our family schedule. I have heard from several parents that children with this type of personality gets really anxious during the holidays and all the excitement and the physical symptons scare them which in turn makes them have seperation anxiety. Sorry I didn't have a real answer.
Has there been any big changes in your daughter's life recently? Knowing why she is acting like this could help you be able to talk to her about it.
For the next couple of weeks I would give her the extra love and attention she is asking for without pushing her away. Just act matter-of-fact about it and don't complain. I suggest letting her sleep with you, too. Just try not to over indulge by treating her like a baby. She is a big girl who just needs some extra love.
After 2-3 weeks it is likely she will just ease back into her normal behavior, but she might also need some help. That is when you can start to push her "big girl" behavior. You could try having her sleep on a mat on your bedroom floor and sitting next to you like a big girl.
I think you can give her the extra attention she is asking for and ease her back to normal without her feeling rejected.
Good luck.
I have four children and only one of them did something similar to your daughter. It really sounds like an insecurity thing. There is so much going one around your house with everyone elses schedules being more inportant than hers at her age and she needs to feel "the love". Just love her through this with a lot of hugs and "I love you's" and try some special time at bed time, like a story and snuggle talk. I remember bedtime chats were the best one on one times when mine were little. god bless.
My son was like this for a time, I really think it's just a phase. Not really much you could do. I can tell you that when you leave the house, or leave her at school, basically when you leave her anywhere, say have a good day give her a kiss/hug, then get out of there. The longer it takes you to say goodbye the more upset she will get. Also don't let the babysitter call you just so she can hear your voice, thats just her trying to get her way. Hope this helps.
As for the sleeping thing, I have 4 small children I haven't slept a whole night without one of them crawling into bed with me in 5 years, I just get up and put them back into their beds..I haven't gone to the bathroom alone in..well..too long.
Good luck!!
Hi R.,
I am only a mother of one,but sometimes he (3 1/2)gets very clingy and just wants me near. I was wondering...does your daughter have much alone time with you, something you plan together? Maybe something like that might lessen her need to be near you constantly.
C.
All I can say is read To Train UP a Child, by Micheal and Debbie Pearl. It has been a real saver for our family.
I'm sure she just misses you, but just in case, you should look into being sure that she has not been molested by someone. I don't want to be an alarmist (and I don't have much experience with 5 year olds), but if this is a sudden onset, it strikes me as a possibility. Of course, you don't want to traumatize her trying to find out, so you should probably try to find out the best way to inquire without putting ideas into her head. Again, this could just be a normal stage; I'm not sure.
R., not sure why you are asking this question to lay people. I would consult my pediatrician if I were you.
Honestly, I think children crave time with their parents and attention from them. It's almost impossible to give them the security and attention they need and deserve when mom works full time. I have five children and I try to make sure that they each get "quality" time and I've never had these types of issues......my children are secure and confident. I know not everyone has the "luxury" of staying home with their kids....and believe me......my husband is a contruction worker....we are by no means living the high life.......but they sacrifices are worth it to my kids. They know they are the priority.
"Recently (like the past month) my 5 yr old daughter has started having seperation anxiety"
That shouts out RED FLAG to me. What has happened to your daughter in the last month that has scared her so? I would bet money that something has happened that shook her foundation, and caused her to need the reassuring protective comfort of her mother. Has she seen something scary? Real life scary, not t.v. scary. Are there any new people in her life that she sees without mom or dad around? Or are there people in her life that she has recently started being uncomfortable around? You need to talk to her. Find out what scared her so much. Hopefully her confidence can be regained with just a little talking to and some extra reassurance from you.
My son did this also at the age of 5. He would cry everyday at school and I work at his school so he knew where I was and knew I was close and I was able to see him during the day but he just cried every morning and didn't want to go to school and we would have to peel him off of me and this went on for probably 5 months it was so exhausting but he finally grew out of the stage and is doing great again. I had even called the pediatrician it had gone on so long but about the time I called it started getting better so he said to just see if it keeps getting better and if so let it go but if not then we would have had to of seeked help, but we didn't end up having to. I really just think it was a phase because nothing changed when he finally stopped doing it. I wish you the best of luck I know your frustration but just hang in I think it will pass.
