My 5 and a half year old just learned to ride her bike without training wheels and is in love with riding her bike. I take her out pretty much twice a day to ride around the neighborhood while I walk with her. Her dad takes her on a ride almost every day when he gets home from work. Now she wants to go ride outside without me on a side street by our house, and she gets very mad that I will not let her. She wants to be independent and do it herself. Of course, she is not old enough yet. While she is great about looking out for a random car in our quiet neighborhood most of the time...she does not remember 100% of the time. So, besides getting run over or getting hurt crashing, my mom brain also won't let her go because of the scary thought of her being taken by someone. I have explained everything to her except for the kidnapping worry. Being 5 she does not like my arguments and gets upset with me. I don't care so much about this....she has to listen to what I say and she knows that. But it does not stop her from getting frustrated. So, my question for you moms is...would you mention the possibility of kidnapping or no? My instinct is to not scare my child and mention that. I also know it is extremely rare, but you do see it in the news now and then. Anyway, my daughter has heard the talk about not talking to strangers many times...but she has never asked why. I'm curious...in the situation, what do you tell your 5/6 year old? Do you mention kidnapping or do you not mention it like me so that your child does not become afraid?
Thank you. Yes, I agree with all of you. I just wanted to hear what others would say to a 5 year old. I did just tell her she needs to listen to me and that is that. I did tell her if she wants to argue and does not want to listen to me then she will not get a bike ride today. I took her out for her bike ride and she sulked for half of it. But then she snapped out of it and we had a nice rest of our walk. She has never tried to sneak out and ride without me...but if she does this then yes there will be consequences. She is a good kid and does listen in the end...she just wants to argue about it at first sometimes.
I wouldn't in this context. I would discuss not going with strangers as a general rule so she doesn't think it only applies to biking. Little kids are compartmental like that. As far as the riding without you, if you don't think she's ready, then it's simply "No." Asked and answered.
She's at far greater risk of being hit by a car than being kidnapped. If there's no one there, there's no one to help, either on the spot or to run for help. I think it's wiser to institute a "buddy system" even if the buddy is an adult or a babysitter. You don't hike by yourself, you don't swim by yourself, you don't bike ride by yourself, you don't stay home by yourself. This covers everything and it's more in line with overall parenting. You won't have to handle things on a case by case basis that way.
I would not talk about kidnapping as a reason for not riding her bike. I suggest you don't want those two thoughts put together. You should talk about strangers and being safe. I would not tell her that the reason for being safe is the possibility she'll be kidnapped. Discuss all the ways of being safe around strangers as well as with family and acquaintances.
I suggest you stop giving her reasons. When you continue to give reasons, you're giving her the idea that if she can argue her way into changing your mind. When she asks, simply say the answer is no and change the subject. If she insists on arguing, tell her the answer is no; end of discussion. You are her Mom. You decide, at this age, what is best without lengthy or ongoing discussionsm
I agree with Diane B.
At some point we end up discussing this stuff with our kids, but I don't think it's that young (not for us). I would just say "nope, mom's coming along". No discussion. As Diane B says - you do it with everything else, so just use the same logic (supervision).
Good luck :)
And yes - I'd be more concerned about her falling/hit by car ... if she needs an explanation, surely that would be enough. Telling her about car safety at this age, is appropriate for sure. Say you're sure she'll watch for cars, but it's mom's job to be there to make sure. Moms and Dads around here are always trailing their little ones.
I would never tell my kids anything that would make them fear being alone or fear strangers. I teach them how to safely talk to strangers.
Getting hit by a car is much more likely than being kidnapped. You don't need to explain yourself to her further. You already said "No." and that is the end of it. If she keeps whining at you, take away her privilege of biking at all for a couple of days.
No, you don't have to mention that, you just tell her that she's only 5, she's too young and it's not safe. If you live on a cul-de-sac that might be a different matter, but I'm guessing you don't.
This won't be the last time your kid has a fit about something she doesn't get to do. Wait till she's a teen!
no, no, no.
it's never okay to make children terrified of their world, the world about which they NEED to be curious, excited and dying to explore.
it's our job to keep them safe, not to undermine their confidence and create mostly illusory fears about their safety.
we're not all lucky enough to have a safe place for kids to ride their bikes. i LOVE that she's so in love with hers that she wants to be on it all the time. i was the same way when i learned, and was lucky enough to have a driveway and a little front yard that were perfect for a little girl and her little bike (which was, of course, really a pony. named fury.)
so i'd try to look at her frustration as a positive thing, and don't allow endless arguments and fussing over it. it's way more important for her to a) be dying to get outside to have adventures b) love her bike and c) listen to you than to get out from under her frustration by scaring her.
stranger danger is a remote possibility anyway. traffic is a valid concern. your house rules are the most important. just enforce them, without fear tactics.
khairete
S.
I wouldn't mention kidnapping.
Keep the conversation short and simple:
"The rule in our family is when you ride your bike, you need a grown up with you."
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Best,
T. Y
I wouldn't mention it...... you are already working on "stranger danger" so that is probably enough on that part of the topic.
I would just tell her (as you already have) that you have rules about what she can do... and if she chooses to ignore the rules and ride her bike without you there, she will loose the privilege of riding her bike for a while all together!
And..... unfortunately, all too often, things have bad consequences..... a little boy (about 6 years old, I think) in a small town (population 1,000) we lived in about 30 years ago got killed when riding his bike..... he rode it out from his driveway, and was blocked from easy view by a parked car..... the driver couldn't see him until it was too late! Very tragic ending...... (I knew the mother several years after that incident.... so sad....)
Independence can be a great virtue... at a certain point! Keep up the good work, M., and stick to your rules!
I'd never mention kidnapping as a fear to give concern to.
When my son wants more independence than I am ready to give, I usually just say "well, if you go out (beyond what's appropriate) and get hurt, I wouldn't know that you needed help." For this age, that's all the explanation we need to give.
By the way, something to consider is backing off on the 'don't talk to strangers' stuff. Stranger danger is detrimental to kids. Chances are, more strangers than not will be helpful. Really, when is she NOT going to be in your or another reliable adult's care? I've had occasions when a child was separated from their parents and did need to feel that other adults (like myself-- and I always tell my son that a mommy with little kids is a very good person to ask if he ever got lost) were safe to ask for help. One was even really hurt in an accident-- this is when we DO want other adults to minister aid and comfort to our kids. Last week at the park, a four year old went flying down a hill way ahead of his parents on a scooter. My son and I were feet from where he tumbled-- hard-- and landed. How much worse it would have been for the boy if he'd also been scared of me as well as traumatized by the huge wipe-out.... I was able to stay with him until his parents caught up. Something to consider.....
I have had that conversation with my 5 and 6 year old. I've told them to never go with a stranger (someone they don't know) or if someone approaches them and asks them to get in their car...help them find their puppy...have some candy...etc...to say "no" and walk away. When they ask why that is, I tell them because not all strangers are nice and some may want to hurt them. Even people they know who aren't strangers could be unsafe as well, which is why I tell them to only go with mom or dad unless they have permission. My kids are not scared of people because of this conversation, they are just aware. I think it's an important conversation to have and one that she'll likely have in school with her teachers during the early primary years.
When I was in high school, a young boy age 10 from the next town over went across the street to play basketball at the neighborhood park. He was abducted and killed. Awful story, I think we need to make our kids aware that there unfortunately are bad people in this world.
I also wouldn't let my 5 year old ride his bike up and down the sidewalk by himself, it's great that she's independent but it's not safe.
You don't have to use kidnapping as a reason in this instance.
Just simply, I can't watch out for you if you ride by yourself out of my sight.
That should be enough.
What you could do is ride alonside or walk fast next to her.
I would explain stranger danger.
I say "I would never send someone you don't know to come pick you up. Only grandpa and my sister. Never go w/anyone no matter what they say.
The reason I do that is to give them the tools to be careful & watch out for others. Why? They did a segment on the Today Show where someone approached the newscaster's (Natalie Morales' kids) where the kids were asked to come into the ice cream truck and they did. She was shocked &
scared. Adam Walsh's son was kidnapped from a mall while there w/his wife. He was murdered and what Adam said is he wished he had taught his son what to do in the event of an emergency (run, scream, kick etc.). I never forgot that and want to ensure I teach my child what to do in the event of an emergency so he has the opportunity to get away or be safe. Just want to give my children the tools.
I feel like I can teach in such a way that I do not make my child become afraid of everything in life. Then again, I'd rather my child be afraid & safe than not here w/me.
