Ok ladies I need HELP. I have a 5 year old that takes things. We went to Walmart and he picked up a small sewing kit that he thought was neat and stuck it in his pocket. He's gone to school and took a new toy and stuffed it in his backpack and the teacher's caught him. The final straw for me was, we went into the store and took a car, when we got home he showed it to me like he wanted my approval. I took him back to the store, with a lot of tears and screaming, and made him apologize and give the car back. We also took the toy that I bought for him early that day. The very next day we went to a relatives home and he liked one of the toys, so he put it in a bag, like it was trash and proceeded to put it in the car and told me he wanted to throw the trash out at our house. That immediately sent a bell off and I asked him why and if he thought this was the right thing to do. I even had his father to talk to him, and he can be rather harsh sometimes. How do I make him understand that stealing is wrong.
I love the Love and Logic way of parenting. Here is an audio about how to deal with things like this. I have a book that does have this in it, but am running out of the door. If I get a chance, I'll come back and edit my response.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-163-childhood-lying-st...
No advice from me, but I wanted to applaud your efforts. I stole some candy from the grocery store when I was 4 or 5 and my mom took me back to return it to the manager himself who had a talk with me. I don't think she had that problem with me ever again and I obviously didn't forget it. Keep up the good work even if it takes some more tries.
M.,
you did the right thing by making him take it back, and returning the toy you'd bought...i'm surprised he did it again so soon, but maybe it'll just take a few times of making him take things back...and now that you've done that once, maybe add a consequence to it...as well as having to bring it back and apologize, take away a privilege, or give some kind of punishment...tell him that stealing is lying, and that you don't tolerate lying in your home...(boy who cried wolf..) your disapproval may start to sink in. good luck!
I'm going to offer a different way to look at this then some other feedback you may recieve. First of all, it is not uncommon for a child to take something they want (what we as adults will call stealing). Since your son has continued to do so, then it is important to look at what the payoff may be for him.
Often when kids continue to take things, they are looking to hold on to something and/or needing some additional attention. I see from your "a little about me" at the end of your post that both you and your husband work and it is a far drive. As a result of this, how much time do you actually get to spend with your child on work days? Is it possible that he would like more? You did say that after taking the car, it looked as if he was wanting approval.
Please know that I'm not blaming you, I'm just pointing things out from a child's view. He doesn't understand that you are working and the distance it may be from home, he only knows that you are not around as much as he may like. If you look closely at things in your life, you may be able to identify why he may need extra attention.
If this resonates with you and you'd like to explore this further, please feel free to contact me.
Take care,
R.
That's a difficult situation and I know that I really struggle with what to do when our kids do something which is socially wrong. On reading your note, my gut instinct is to say that your kid is testing limits and perhaps getting a kick out of your strong reaction. I know that my kids seem to get a thrill out of seeing me react strongly and they will then keep doing the same thing just to see what I do. I don't think he understands the concept of 'stealing' at this point; he just wants something and is taking it (and now testing out what you will do). It may be the hardest thing in the world to do (and I'm not good at doing it), however I wonder whether dialing down the volume on your emotional reaction would help. I'm not saying to allow him to get away with taking things without permission; he still has to return them and to own up to what he did. However if you can discuss it with him and go through the process of returning it without lots of yelling and anger, perhaps it won't be as interesting to him because he isn't getting your attention in the same way. If he does it again, tell him "we can't take things from other people without their permission or from stores because it makes them feel bad and causes trouble for them when they don't have what they need. What do you think we should do to fix this problem?" Help him come up with the solution of returning it and apologizing. Of course, you know your kid and what words will work with him. Good luck!
You did just what I would have done -- taking the loot back and having him apologize for what he'd done. If that didn't work, I have two ideas:
One -- have him talk to a police officer (a nice one -- the idea is to be turned off from taking things but NOT afraid of police) about stealing and what happens to people who steal.
Two -- let him experience what it's like on the other end. "Steal" something from him. Let him suffer from the loss for a while. Talk about how terrible it is to have something stolen. How the thief maybe didn't intend for him to suffer but that the thief DID do something wrong... Have him write a note and post it asking the thief to please return it. Then, return it while he's at school with an apology note attached -- "now I know stealing is wrong and I will never do it again." Do NOT let on that this was a lesson and that you were the thief!!! (You want him to learn about stealing not that "Mom can be sneaky"!)
Good luck. That your son has honest parents is the best thing for him! You set an example of how to behave and he will follow.
I would look into "Parenting with Love & Logic" I think you would find that it would give you and your husband an excellent plan for working through such issues. They may even have a topic online about it. for more information you can go to www.loveandlogic.com. Stealing is not an atypical behavior for this age and how you work with it will have a huge effect on how long it goes on.
Hi M....
Make an appointment with your local Police Chief...
Tell him what your going through an see what he thinks...
B.
I know this problem very well. We had a similar problem and our solution was to call the police dept. and talk to an officer. He suggested bringing our son in for a talk. When we got there, he spoke to him about what happens when you steal, and that it is always wrong. He still remembers it to this day (he is 13). It made a very strong impression. I know it seems extreme but it worked!
after talking to him, wait till he goes to sleep at night and then go take his most favorite toy...when he wakes up and notices it is gone...explain that it "must have been stolen" -then, when he is distraught about it, explain that this must be how everybody else felt when he stole their things....usually kids dont understand things till it affects them directly.
it may take more than one thing being "stolen" from him before he gets it.
This is how I handled it when my son went through this phase, and it worked after the second toy was "stolen"
good luck.
