My 5 year old girl is completely depressed all of a sudden - it is like she learned about the emotion of guilt for the first time and it is literally ruining her days for the last 7-8 days. She is suddenly having remorse for any and every little thing she has done in the last several months, from making her siblings mad on purpose to picking her nose and putting it on the floor like a month ago (literally this was one of the things that she brought up that she did and cried about). Every day out of the blue she comes to me with little events that have happened that she has dug up from the past several weeks that are making her feel sad and guilty and she cries. I have not punished her for them but did explain that she is feeling guilty because she knows she made a bad choice so no biggie, just make a better choice next time. She even told me this morning that she doesn't want to be like this anymore and that she doesn't like her body because it is making her cry all of the time. She cries everyday, about 7 times a day. The one that really threw me for a loop is that she said this morning that she is scared that she doesn't love anybody and it is making her sad. She wants to sleep more than normal and her appetite isn't good either. I have told her that it is normal to feel guilt and that in the future she can prevent feeling it by not doing things that will cause her to feel that way but she still is sad. I have assured her every single time that I still love her just as much as ever and that I am not mad at her for any thing she has done. It has been a little over a week now. There have been no traumatic events and no big changes, other than the fact that the kids have been out of school for the holiday break. Could her routine being interrupted be what is causing this? We have been much less active on this school break because we have had rainiy weather. She is usually my "go with the flow" child so I am so heartbroken that she is going through this, and not sure how to handle it.
Wow! This it tough. I would continue to reassure her that she is loved, no matter what, but I would also keep a close eye on her. This is something you may need to discuss with her doctor.
Does she get a lot of love, attention, reassurance and cuddles when she acts this way? Is it possible that she has learned that if she cries and feels guilty for something, she gets lots of positive feedback. Have you tried ignoring thenegative guilt talks and changing the subject?
It's possible she's been leaning in this direction emotionally for awhile, but the routines and distractions of school have distracted her. So in that regard, the change in schedule could be part of what's making this visible.
It sounds like you're telling her the right things, unless perhaps you're also suggesting she shouldn't be having the negative feelings. She'd probably do better getting complete empathy (Sweetheart, you are feeling so sad/worried/upset. You are worried about _____. Here, sit and tell me about it.) If she's also being advised not to feel what she feels, that will only add to her burden.
Several possibilities exist.
Something happened, possibly at school or with her friends, that from your daughter's perspective had a real impact on her self-image. This could be something that seems inconsequential to an adult.
She's experiencing a toxic emotional reaction to foods, food additives, or common household chemicals. I have personal experience with this, because I've been severely intolerant of just about every scent and modern airborne chemical, and it can quickly affect my emotional outlook and ability to sleep. Some chemicals leave me extraordinarily tired. And I've watched children during group testing sessions change demeanor dramatically after a drop of some incredibly diluted chemical was squirted under their tongues.
Or, some actual emotional illness is asserting itself. It does happen; even children get brain and nervous-system diseases just like they get physical diseases.
Professional treatment is probably a good idea, but in the short term, you might look up videos for EFT or "Tapping" on youtube and see whether you'd like to try this gentle approach with your daughter. I've recently started using it on myself, and the results have been generally positive. Here's one good video that explains the basics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4EDgTc0AyQ
As far as communicating with your child in the most supportive possible way, I strongly recommend How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The book is loaded with real-life examples of how parents made a positive, empathetic connection with their children, while allowing the child the space to figure out some solutions herself. By the time you finish each chapter, you'll be equipped to put the lessons to work. I can't recommend this gem highly enough.
Another useful article that explains what kinds of "encouragement" and praise can be actually harmful: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
I get really weird from MSG and Aspartame. I get incredibly self conscious and feel nervous-like. Since this is an all-of-a-sudden thing for your daughter, and since I have felt emotional/self conscious/panicky like that, it may be food additive reaction. I also get that same feeling from Novocain and cough syrup. They all work on the central nervous system, and the last 2 have man-made adrenaline type chemicals to speed the medicine through your system, and they make me feel really "off".
Also make sure to tell her that EVERYONE only learn from mistakes and if she never made mistakes she would not learn. My youngest went through a phase of feeling very bad about mistakes on school work. The teacher finally told her that if she did not make mistakes, she (teacher) would not know what to teach her AND she would not have a job.
Ask the teacher and school administration for advice as well. In the mean time, keep her close, maybe even sleep in her room or have her sleep in the big bed between M. and dad to let her know that you are concerned about her sadness and will do anything to make her feel happy again. My youngest went through another phase where she was all of a sudden realizing that she was growing up and becoming independent and needed a period of about 2 weeks of feeling like a baby again. What helped her a lot was seeing an older cousin (15) who looked and talked to mature but then could do cartwheels in the grass and act all silly about nothing with her, which made her realize she can grow up but still act like a little girl whenever she wants to.
I would definitely take her to the dr. It sounds like she may have a chemical imbalance. I had a vitamin D deficiency which caused some emotional problems. If you have a tendency to not get out in the sun enough, your body doesn't produce the amount of D it needs and this can lead to a lot of issues. So, she might need to have some blood work done to see if she has hormonal changes or vitamin needs.
might just be a stage - like you said, she's suddenly "found" this emotion. I would start praising her for all the little things that she does that make you smile. Anything from putting shoes, jacket, backpack away, dressing quickly in the morning, to helping out at dinner. Anything big she's done in the past you might remind her of -like riding a bike without training wheels for example- that your proud of her for. If you really struggle, make up excuses to thank her for being "her". Remind her of the things she loves to do, remind her of the people that love her.
She should come around soon. I'd really try to gently encourage her to see what's right in her world and if she isn't back to her usual self in a couple of weeks, bring it up with the doctor.
THis really does sound like depression...esp the part about being scared she doesn't love anybody. This is worth a call to the pediatrician at the very least. And I would also check her diet. Maybe pull away from all processed foods that she may be eating along with dyes and fake sugars esp Aspartame which is a know contributor to depression and other pschiatric probles.
She's in kindergarten right? Talk to the school guidance counselor. They are well prepared to help kids talk through their emotions, and I'm sure they could figure out where this is coming from. Maybe she was learning about something in school and she just realized what feeling guilty is... or maybe she did something she's ashamed of and she's scared to tell you. The guidance counselors are a good starting point... if they think it's something more serious than normal 5 year old behavior, they'll point you in the right direction in finding a good child psychologist. ALSO, and I know MY 5 year old does this, any time she learns a new emotion, she tries it out on me to see how I'll react. Obviously, if she's sad, I want her to be happy... but 5 year olds are also a manipulative breed, and she takes advantage of me and runs with it (usually to get out of trouble, LOL!)... it could be nothing, it could be something, but this isn't something you should have to handle on your own. Hope she feels better soon :)
