5 Year Old Daughter Is Rebelling About Her New Born Sister

I have six kids and the same thing happened with almost all of mine, it will get better and all I can say is keep trying. I use to have my girls get "their" babies pretend to the a Mommy with me....to the point of feeding them when I was feeding the baby....washing the doll when I washed the baby...it takes a little bit more time but it helped out. I would tell them what a good Mommy there were. I would asked them to be a part of the baby and help me with things I need with the baby....sometime just knowing they are still important is a hard thing to telling them but showing them is sometimes earier. It takes a little bit longer but eventually teh 5 year will come around. :)

This child may need some extra help to get a grip on herself. If they have tried all the politicaly correct things how about a third party coming in and removing the child from the scene as soon as she starts in. She can only rejoin the family group once she calms down and behaves. Nip this in the bud right now. The 5 year old sounds like she is in control of the house. Don't go overboard trying to make nice with everyone. The baby is there forever. By having a third party there (unrelated therefore unmanipulted) this can be done with less emotion. Our children spend more time as adults than children and need these skills as early as we can teach them. I say skills, not the responsibilities.

You know sometimes those so called "books" are not worth junk. There is such a thing as a good old fashion swat on the bottom and tell the little turd she needs to behave herself. Put her in her room and tell her she is going to get awfully lonely there until she has a attitude adjustment.
You must remember you are the adult and she is the child. She will not auffer any long term emotional issues from learning to not be a brat. There are millions of kids that have little siblings,its just a part of life.
I think you are doing a bigger injustice to allow her to take control of your life. She does not have the reasoning abilities yet. She only knows what she wants.
It will be fine, It will also be hard for you to tell your friend to take back control of her family.
N.

Hi D. i went through the same thing when my daughter was born, my 2 year old son, didn;t even want us to bring her home from the hospital, no would he come near me if i was holding her, I had a five year old son as well, who love his baby sister and litle brother, what i did was i made both my sonsa part of evrything, from getting her diapers for me, I let my sons arange the stuff animals in her crib, the way they thought she would like it, when i would go to get her dressed in the morning, I let them pick out her outfit, with my two year old also, I would praise him, he would do something, or color something i would say wow andrew, samantha can't do that yet, and he would just get the biggest smile on his face, I made sure he felt lved and secure, and I also told friends and family when you come over to see the baby acknolege the boys first then the baby. Hope this helps.
Mom for 24 years J.

I think we live in a era of being too concerned with our children's feelings and are turning them into little terrors. Continue to be loving to her. Ignore the tantrums that are for attention. Eventually, it will resolve itself. And your five year old will realize that the world does not revolve around her and be a better, less self-center person so don't feel guilty about having another child.

Hi D.,

Your friend needs to ignore the tantrums and then give her daughter lots of attention when she is good. This is actually normal behavior but should not be rewarded. Enlisting the older daugher's help with the newborn would be good, or giving her a baby doll that she can take care of at the same time as her mother, such as walk her in a stoller, change her diaper, etc.

V.

Hi D.,

I wish I had a magic bullet of advice to give you but I don't. My 18 yr old still resents the existence of his almost 15 yr old sister -- and by now he certainly knows that she's not "going back!"

What I'm concerned about is that this child is hurting herself to get attention, although you didn't mention to what extent. Falling down and bumping her knee to get mommy to come running is different from taking a knife and threatening to cut herself, for instance. If she's tending more toward the latter, then I think the family (not just the child) needs some professional help and fast. Ignoring the tantrums and rewarding appropriate behavior is certainly a good way to handle most difficult behaviors, as other moms have suggested, but can have disasterous consequences if the little girl is truly putting herself into physical danger.

BTW, a note to the person who suggested "hitting the little turd" -- you might want to consider the parenting tendancies of this site and consider if such remarks (worded as they are) would be well -- if at all -- received. Many of us have nurtured children into wonderful adults and teens without either hitting them or thinking of them as bodily excrement.

A couple of tricks speaking from experience.

1. Whenever anyone comes over they need to give the 5 year old 15 minutes of undivided attention and no mention of her little sister.

2. If anyone brings something for the baby ask them to bring something for the sister and give hers first.

3. Set aside specific time during the day, every day the same time for you and your 5 year old, completely uninterrupted. If the phone rings tell her, let the anwering machine get it, you are more important. If the baby wakes fussing, let it fuss or ask your daughter what do you think is bothering the baby? What do YOU think we should do for her?

4. Try and get her involved in activites her age that her little sibling couldn't be a part of because too small. Her own special activities.

Good Luck, Hope this helps!!!

S. Chase

Sounds serious if the 5 yr old is hurting herself. Mine was 3 and tried to hurt the baby. Anyway we tried counseling, MFT, they do play therapy and my daughter liked it. Some insurances cover therapy. Can't hurt to look into it. The hard part is to find a therapist that takes your insurance and that is accepting new patients.

When I was pregnant with my third son, my pediatrician suggested that I may have to make a chart as to who gets to be the "baby" that day. Meaning one child would get the majority of the hugs, kisses and attention. Of course the baby would still need to be fed and taken care of, but the rest of the time would be devoted to whoever was on the chart. It would make the older ones feel important. Maybe that would work for your friend???

Make sure you make your older child your helper when it comes to her baby sister, she will feel important and usefull, you will see a great difference in her attitude. God Bless P.