My son is 4 years old and he hits everyone all the time for any reason. It is usually in anger, but sometimes he hits because he is trying to be the parent in the situation. Like if his little brother is getting into something he shouldn't, he grabs him, pulls him to the ground and pounds on him. We do not hit our kids, so I don't know where this is coming from or how to get him to stop. We have tried time outs, but they aren't working. He just hits someone and then immediately goes to the time out area. I don't know what to do, but I am getting really frustrated with this situation. Please help!
He's doing that for attention and the smaller one is easier to take it out on. Spend some quality time with him only and whenever possible, just remove your younger child from the situation. In other words, don't leave them alone in the same play area...and if he's like my 4yr old, he can't stand not being able to be around his brother, so when I tell him he can't play with him anymore if he hits him, that gets his attention.
I actually have a similar issue with my 4-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter. My son will often hit his sister. Usually, she hits back. I have to agree that one threat that seems to settle things down is what P.O. mentioned. He likes playing with his sister, even if he does hit her and pick on her. So the idea of being separated will make him settle down, at least for a while...
Actually, my son will be 5 in April. Another thing that I find is that as he is getting older, he is getting better. He is better about controlling his anger and can be reasoned with more. Often if I'm paying closer attention, I can head off the problem before it becomes a big situation.
I think things have been just a bit worse lately because we've been inside with the weather and because I'm expecting our third baby within the next 2 weeks. So I've been focusing a bit on getting stuff ready for the baby and trying to tie up other loose ends before the baby is born. This means that I haven't been paying as much attention to him, so he then acts out to get my attention.
Basically, I think what you are doing is right: removing him from the situation so he can settle down. Then if in addition, you can spend just a little bit more one-on-one time with him. In time, it should get better!
My 4 year old started hitting at 18 months. The sitter she had at the time who was a neighbor and a friend called and asked permission to hit her. We pulled her out and suspected that she was already hitting her. From that point on my daughter was horrible. She hit every child in site and it didn't matter the age. At 2, she would make 5-10 year olds cry. We lost 2 friends because every time we would get together she would hurt their kids. I hated going anywhere with her. We tried everything and nothing seemed to work. The pediatrician kept saying that it was the terrible 2's at its worst and that it would go away once she turned 3 but I couldn't wait a whole year. I took her to a Psychologist and he said possible ADHD but she is too young to diagnose. Sure enough at 3 the hitting stopped. One of the things the Psych suggested was to give her a pillow and have her hit that to get her frustrations out and for us to continue to remove her from a situation where she might hit and keep reminding her that it is not okay.
Change the "carrot". Find something that he wishes to have or do and use a sticker chart to reward him when he exhibits the desired behavior. You can either not give him a sticker if he does not or take a sticker away. I prefer the previous one for it is reinforcing the good behavior. Come up with a reasonable amount of stickers needed. You might have a smaller reward part way through the process to encourage compliance.
