Hi! So my daughter is in kindergarten this year. Last year she was going to a pre school that was in another town. When she started K this year (public school) she started not knowing anyone. But she is amazing and loves to make new friends and play. So, on the first day of school she became instant friends with another little girl. We met the parents and have become friends with them too. We have weekly playdates after school with them either at our house, their house, or the park. It's great too because I have a 3 year old son and they have a 3 year old daughter, so they all play and we get a long with the parents. So, things have been great, but then a couple weeks ago the girls started to fight. At first I thought they were just tired from school, and maybe they are with each other 5 days a week and just need a break from eachother. But, now the fighting just won't stop. And it's all little things like "she said she won't be my friend if I don't do..." or "she stuck her tongue out at me". Just silly things like that. The friends mom noticed today when we picked up them from school today how they were giving eachother mean looks. They were both doing it and I know my daughter is not perfect or innocent either. She can be really sensitive too, and I've seen this other little girl be really sweet and really nice, but she can also be just awful when she wants to be. I remember having "fights" with my best friend in elementary school,but we always came back to school the next day and were best buds again. Is it normal for this to be going on every single day that they are in school? Are they just sick of eachother and need a break? I was thinking about canceling our play date next week. They are also going trick or treating with us on Sunday too. So, Does this seem to be a little too much and should I fade out of the friendship? Should I just let them work it out on their own? Or is this totally normal and I'm reading too much into it? I might be a little paranoid since a couple years ago (yes even at 3 years old) my daughter was being bullied by another little girl to the point where my daughter would loose sleep over it and cry and be scared to even see the other girl. So maybe I'm just over reacting because I don't want her to go through that again.
Thank you!!
Presuming you and the other mom will be going trick-or-treating w/the kids, perhaps you and she can talk about what you've each observed lately.
See whether she has observed the same things you have.
You and she may decide to give the girls a little break from spending time w/one another for a while.
Give them some apart time then see if they miss/request each other. Encourage your daughter to make other new friends as well.
First I would talk to the teacher and see if she is noticing the behaviors at school. I have the same exact situation at my preschool with two beautiful little girls in my kindergarten class. These two girls met last year and have been together socially and in school for the past year. What happens in their situation is if one of the girls tries to play with another girl, or does not call on her friend for show in tell the other gives her a very hard time. Jealousy can be a huge factor with girls. I am not sure this is what is happening but my advice is to give them a break. Let the other mom know that it has nothing to do with her or her daughter but you think the girls need a break. Too much of a good thing isn't always healthy. The tough part here with becoming friends with your kids friends is when they want to play with another child, the mom gets upset and the child gets upset. Children should be able to have tons of friends, but when you become exclusive friends with a child and the family bad feelings come to play when they want to branch out. My advice would be NOT to become friends with your children's friends just for that reason and I am speaking from experience here. I know things weren't like this when we were younger but times unfortunately have changed and children are different. Good luck!!
I don't think that you are being paranoid but at the same time this is a normal little girl drama.They are not a little boys and they are much more complicated and much more delicate at a certain situations.We might think that it's silly but that is going to be what it is.I think that neither one wanted to let the other one have their ways.Also since you mentioned that your daughter had a problem before with a bullied.I think that she might now just learned to not let things like that happen to her again so she now not wanting to have to bend to someone else's rule.I remembered when I was at that age and I used to play with this little girl right next door and there were something that made me stop and think of why I have to do things that only she wanted and why can she do things that I wanted?No compromise,you can not have two rulers.Someone have to give in.I am sure that spending this much time all the time can not be that good for them either.Seperate time a little bit and maybe hanging out every other day will help the situation.Kids are trying to find out what they can handle and who they want as friends and how they want things.They are trying to find themselves.If it does not work out then that is a part of life but don't get too serious.It will eventually work it self out.Give them time to adjust.Hope this help and good luck.
Talk to the mom so she knows that you canceling the play date isn't because you don't want the girls to be friends, but are thinking maybe they need some breaks since they seem to be going through a phase right now. She probably has the same concerns as you right now. That way, it won't create weirdness or she won't think you are moving away from the friendship.
I'm sure it's that normal girl drama that will pass soon enough. You could also talk to the teacher so she know that even thorough these girls are best friends, they are going through a weird stage so not to have them doing group assignments and such right now.
You might want to (both of you?) consider speaking with their teacher(s) to see what they have been observing. So much can be going on that you have no idea about. We just recently went through something similar with our 4 year old and the teachers evaluation of the situation was invaluable!
A lot of times this can happen when one of the girls starts to play with another child. There is a possesiveness that some kids have with their "best" friends. I've experienced this with my pre-schooler, before. If you think this is the case just encourage your daughter to play with other kids and tell her it's ok for her friend to play with others, as well. Then let them work it out. You might find that the bickering doesn't happen when they are outside of school. Good luck.
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