I am trying to find tips or quick one liners that will help deter my daughter from whining or complaining. It seems lately all I have been telling her to do is to quit complaining and whining. She is usually complaining about what she doesn't get to do. The thing is that she gets to do something almost everyday...like have a friend over, gymnastics, spend the night at grandma's or a friends. I am almost to the point of restricting her activities because it seems she doesn't realize how much she really gets to do! I always tell her I can't hear her when she is whining and she will talk normal but she is always throwing herself a pity party! Please help Mamas i know you will have great answers that have worked for you!
This may sound lame but prevents me from nagging ALL THE TIME. I would start singing a song by the Rolling Stones "You can't always get what you want". It annoyed the kids at first but now they sing it to each other when one starts to whine. It's a pleasant way to distract the whiner and has cut down on whining over not getting every little thing they want. Hope that helps.
J.
No one at any age wants to be around a complainer or a whiner. I would and do this with my son. The first time she complains or whines tomorrow. Tell her to go to her room until she is ready to use her words and voice responsibly. You can usually tell if they are ready to try again verses when they just want to be out of their room. Then, the very next time she does it send her to her room again and so on. It will get old quick for her. Hopefully it will cause her to think about how she is talking. You may even need to mimic her so she can hear how it sounds. Be a teacher and show her how unatractive it is.
THis is the way I view it. No one want to be around someone like that. Simply don't tolerate it. If she knows her parents won't let it happen she also needs to learn that her third husband will not want to put up with it either.
Good luck. Stay firm and consistant. This will pass... then you will move on to something else. Welcome to parenthood! Enjoy the good too!
My older daughter, now 13 went through something similar about the age your girl is at. As I suppose it is a phase, my 6 year old has been doing that lately too. We reinstated the COW plan. My problem was that when the complaining got so bad it would set me off, escalating the issue. The primary culprits were Complaining, Ordering me around and Whining, thus COW. And since it spells cow (good spelling lesson too)instead of getting mad I would "moo." I will warn her if she is on the verge of a moo, but if she gets 3 moos in one day, she doesn't get TV for the rest of the day (or some other priviledge taken away). It works like a charm for me. Saying moo diffuses my anger and is something so unusual for them to hear that it gets there attention more than a lecture.
Restrict away!!!! :-)
Sit her down and tell her that you have noticed that she has been complaining a lot. It hurts your ears to have all the noise... so for 2 weeks... there will be no friends over... no overnights etc... You think that she just needs some relaxing time since you know she only complains when she is tired out... So she can get some good rest... :-)
Do not think that it will really change anything. She is 5. They complain and whine... And really she's just getting started. lol
Spend the next few weeks focusing on simple family fun.
Go swimming, go to the park, go fishing, go to the library, do arts and crafts, have her help in the yard, focus all your activities on the family together...
When my 8 yr old starts with the whiney pity me voice I tell her to fix it. I even have handed her a wrench, screwdriver, or what ever bob the builder tools her brothers have laying around... After about the millionth time of telling her to stop, fix it... I don't even have to say it... Just pick up a tool and hand it to her. I do make her close her eyes and breathe deep before starting again... It usually helps for a second or so... But she recognizes the emotion with the resulting tone of voice (If shes mad or has a harsh tone in her voice I tell her to stop... breathe,,,, fix the tone.... try again.)
My mantra also is patience is a virtue... Not that they know what a virtue truly is other than something good to have... Its funny to hear my 4 yr old tell his sister that "patience is a virtue"... Or my 8 yr old to say "dad, we have to have patience"...
It must be the age. I also have 5 and 2/yo daughters. My 5/yo does the same thing. As soon as I pick her up from Daycare it is always who is coming over, what are we doing today, ect. And I have her participate in every sport offered at the YMCA. I have finally started to ground her from playing with her friends near our home if she doesn't stop complaining and whining, it is really bad in the morning when she doesn't want to go to daycare and wants to go to G-ma's. I think she has finally figured out that if she complains and whines then she has to watch her friends play outside while she sit's in the house. She really doesn't like that. Good Luck.
Hi LM,
My name is Shirley. Kids call me Ms.DoctorShirley. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and have worked with kids for years. When your daughter whines or complains and you respond to it, she is receiving attention from you even though it may be negative. What you want to do is praise her for responding the way you'd like her to respond. When she says, "Mom, may I have a cookie?" (with no whining), you should respond, "Sure and I love the way you asked me." When she does the whining, you ignore it. Even if you have to go to your room, close the door and silently scream to yourself. Do not respond to her whining. The response will not make her stop it. Respond only to the behavior that you want to increase by using words of praise. I hope this works for you. Continue to be positive. Dr.Shirley
"Would you like a little cheese with that whine?"
"What are you serving for your pity party?"
"Am I invited to your pity party? What should I wear?"
Point out to her what she has been able to do. And make a point of writing it down. And I would go a step further and write down when she complains too. Suggest that if she doesn't quit the whining, she'll get to do even less.
Does she have dolls? PLAY WITH THEM! Does she have games? Maybe you and she can play them. It could be she's looking for some interaction with you.
Maybe you could nip it in the bud by saying if she's so bored, help clean up the kitchen or wash dishes or do something that you have to do all the time. If she doesn't like that idea, she might be less inclined to crank if that's what she'll get!
My DIL has some funny comebacks that make the kids smile and make them realize how ridiculous they sound:
"Should we call the WAAAmbulance?"
"Did you want cheese with that whine?"
I can't recall the others, but these were my favorites.
I get that from my 6 year old too, always pitched like I get all the fun. I just tell her what I did that day for the family. I don't like laundry, cleaning, or grocery shopping but it all needs to be done.
Good luck, A. H
Some of my favorites are "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" and "I don't speak Whine!"
We are also going through this faze and it is very frustrating!
My kids also beg, especially at the grocery store...We just volunteered at Gleaners Food Bank sorting food and watched a video about needy families who don't have enough money to buy things, even food. That has been a great way to talk about being thankful for what we do have because some people do not have the nice things that we do.
I am hoping that it will help with the whining and begging!
Blessings, K.
Hi there.
A friend of mine has an 8 year old step daughter. Apparently her biological mom is a very negative person as is her grandma so when she is with my friend and her husband they have to 'detox' her from the negative talk.
My friend says when she will ask her about her day and the girl starts saying all the negative, she stops her and calmly tells her 'I want you to tell me at least 1 good thing that happened today'. They do this throughout their time with her.... telling her to say at least one good thing.
I thought this was a great thing.
I would also really look at the people around her. You mention you're a positive person. I tend to think I am a positive person as well, but there are times when I catch myself saying less then positive things. Are there people around your daughter who tend to be more negative? She is probably picking it up from them.
Continue to demonstrate positive attitudes and let her know that you do not respond to whinning and complaining. If something is wrong, then she can tell you...but if she is just whinning, then she must also tell you at least 1 good thing.
Whenever I complained about not doing enough or being bored, my dad gave me something to do: chores. Whining in my house was met by something to whine about. Meaning activities were restricted, chores were passed out and extra homework was made and given. I also use timeouts with my two year old. Sometimes she gets cranky and starts talking back and fussing. Try it. Your daughter may learn to understand more when you start giving her things to do that she doesn't really want to. She will be forced to appreciate her current lifestyle. Little kids pick up on things easy especially if you tell them what's going on.
My daughter and I "switched" places one day where she was Mom and I was her, he,he,he. We were at the store and I was whining for everything and she kept saying no like I do until it came to toys ha ha ha, then I had to step in. When we were at home I did everything that she does to me, whining complaining demanding food drinks help and saying I was bored. I even pretended to fight with her big and little brother over stupid things! She thought it was funny at first and then after about half the day she wanted to switch back. She always used to complain about having brothers that she wanted to be an only child so I let her see what it was like, I sent her to her room and excluded her from everything including family dinner, she had to eat in her room she could not talk to her brothers and I told them to ignore her if she did, I told her If I was a working mom she would have to be in daycare all day, yes she would have more toys but would only be there to play with them about two hours a night and she would not have the pleasure of sitting at home and doing what she wants, she came back down after about an hour of this and said I don't want to be an only child anymore and I love you and my family, I said good we love you too and we wouldn't want it to be any other way. We haven't had anymore whining about being an only child:) I guess sometimes turning things around so they can see your point of view may be helpful for a bit. One more little thing sorry, I video taped one of her tantrums she was throwing in her room one time and played it back later, she was a little embarrassed I think, she didn't really throw tantrums again until I started babysitting a girl that was around my baby's age, she was jealous that I didn't give her enough attention. Hope this helps some.
Oh what a fun phase. Not! My son is now 11 and I am ruining his summer by making him think (read, etc.) I am afraid it goes with the territory. I make him go to his room for his pity parties. Just a thought!
Hang in there. This will pass. Just don't make it a big deal. She may just be looking for a reaction.
S.
My cousin uses a great line on her kids - "Did something happen to your voice? It sounds so funny and I can't understand you." I have started using it on my 17 month old daughter and she is catching on to it already!
I have done the time outs with my 5 year old son and they wook some. I also sometimes send him to his bed for 10 min. -- every once in a while he falls asleep before the time is up!!
The main thing we do to show all the fun we had in a day is review it when Dad comes home from work. We tell Dad about our day at dinner (or bedtime if he can't make dinner) and that helps our boys see all the fun they had during the day. GOD Bless!
This may not exactly answer your question, but you may want to try it anyway. Every night at dinner, we do "Rose and Thorn". We go around the table and each person tells their Rose - the thing they liked best about the day, and their Thirn - the thing they liked least about the day. This does 3 things - 1. It helps them to think about something positive, 2. It gives them someone top listen to them aobut their biggest negative and a chance to vocalize it, 3. It is a great family conversation starter.
My daughter was the exact same way. It drove me nuts! This is what I did;
First, I filled a glass half way and asked her if it was half full or half empty. She of course said it was half empty. I then explained the difference of a half empty (pessimistic) attitude and a half full (optimistic) attitude.
Second, I challenged her to find the optimistic side of everything.
Third, every time she whined or complained when I knew she shouldn't be, I would play the optimistic game. She would have to find the positive side(s) of the situation. Every time she found the bright side, she would be rewarded. Her rewards included everything from positive reinforcement to back rubs (her favorite).
Eventually, she had trained herself right into an optimist.
I hope you try this. It really worked for us. It took time, but you could definitely see the progress taking place and that was very exciting.
Good luck,
J.
It is what it is now don't throw a fit.
LM,
Usually I just ignore my child if they are whining, then if they are really trying to get my atteniton, I will act suprised and say something like "OH was that you talking so whiney?? I have trouble hearing when you talk like that. Can you ask nicely".
Years ago one of my children had a Kindergarten teacher that would ask a whiney child if they would like some cheese to go with that Whine. Just decided to iclude that since you asked for some one liners.
Good luck
