Hi moms,
So, yesterday, my 5 y/o daughter had a friend over. Her friend is also 5, and they met in their kindergarten class. Her friend's mom is very nice, and she is a very sweet little girl, so their friendship seemed perfect. Their playdate was going very well, they colored, dressed up, and played outside. Then they decided they wanted to play mommy. So, they were getting out some baby dolls, when I walked in to see how they were doing, while holding Sydney, our 5 month y/o. So, myy daughter's friend saw the baby, and she was very excited. She wanted to use a real baby, instead of dolls. My daughter agreed, since she loves playing with her baby sister. I said it was fine, as long as my 8 y/o suprivised them. (They were all in our playroom, and she was watching TV in there, so I just had her keep an eye on them.) Then, after about half an hour of playing Mommy, my daughter, Juliet got tired of it. She wanted me to take them to the playground at her school, which is near us, to play there. When she suggested it, her friend wanted to keep playing Mommy. So they played it for 15 more minutes, then Juliet got so tired of it, that she refused to continue playing it. So, she said, "Lets go to the playground!!!!" her friend said, "But, the baby is so much fun! I love playing mommy!" so they argued, and finally, her friend agreed to go to the playground.
So, then her friend said, "Hey, I know! Lets pretend that we are taking our babies to the playground." but Juliet said, "No." so, then she asked me if Sydney could stay home with her older sister. I was suprised, because usually she loves taking her to the playground, and holding her on her lap while she goes down the slide. But I agreed. Then her friend said that she really wanted to bring Sydney. Juliet screamed, "No!!!!!" so, then I realized that Juliet was jealous, because she thought that her friend liked the baby more then her. So, then I said to Juliet, "She is the guest. We should to what she wants to do." So, we ended up taking Sydney to the playground with us. The whole time, her friend wanted to play with Sydney, but Juliet refused. They did end up playing with the baby a bit though, because Juliet finally agreed to show her friend how to go down the slide holding the baby on her lap. After a while, I could tell Juliet just wanted to play with her friend alone, so I said, "Sydney has to take her nap now girls." and I held her the rest of the time.
So, after their playdate, Juliet complained that all she wanted to do was play with the baby. I explained to Juliet that she just thought she was lucky, since she has a baby sister. Because she is the youngest, and only has one older brother, who is 9. So, wehave another playdate arranged, this time it is at her friends house, but I am wondering. How am I going to to deal with this? Juliet is excited to go to her friends house, but sooner or later, I'm going to have to invite her friend over again. And I know her friend will be dying to play with Sydney again...........and Juliet will be jealous again. My older kids used to have problems with this too, and they are so hard to deal with.........Ideas?????
Thank you!!!
-A.
Mom of 5 (soon to be 7!!) (yes I'm expecting twins, and Sydney is adopted)
Thank you, Moms!
The baby is not a toy.
Your daughters friend might be fascinated with the baby, but she's coming over to play with your daughter - not the baby.
I can see why your daughter is annoyed.
Be the bad guy and run interference.
"Sorry but Sydney can't play right now" and stick with it.
Sydney will have her own friends when she's old enough.
She is there to have a play date with Juliet, not Sydney so you keep the baby occupied elsewhere or you say Sydney can play with you for 15 minutes and then you remove her after 15 minutes. Simple solution.
Well, as the M., YOU can limit the amount of time they play with the baby...... that way, it isn't Juliet that is seeming like the "bad guy" by not letting her friend play with her baby sister.
Just tell them that they can play with the baby for 30 minutes (or whatever seems to be an appropriate amount of time), and then you need to do something (put her down for a nap, whatever)....... That way, you can gently guide their play ideas to something that is more agreeable to what your daughter wants to do.
I don't think this was jealously this was "I'm sick of playing with my baby sister". I don't think you were really fair to Juliet. Next time you need to guide them in a different direction. Instead of projecting what you think is going on next time, listen to what Juliet is saying. She played well with Sydney but then had enough.
It is only natural that Juliet wanted her friends attention. You need to give her that. Next time, say Sydney is not able to play and move it on from there.
I love the names Sydney and Juliet!! =)
I would say this is not jealousy NOW but could TURN INTO jealous if you continue to put Juliet's needs LAST. That's really where jealousy stems from.... a feeling of not being "important" enough, I think. In this case... not only did her friend want to play with the baby... .but you backed your daughter's friend instead of backing your daughter.
In this case I would say your daughter's reaction is warranted. Pretend that you guys have "insert whatever cool toy is all the rage" and every time Juliet's friends came over.... all they wanted to do was play with"x". Juliet would have the same reaction. It's not really even jealousy..... it's resentment from feeling used by her friend because there is something at your house that isn't at her house.
Also I don't really agree with the "she is the guest so she gets to choose" mentality.... at least not all the time. There HAS to be some of what Juliet wants to do, as well.... or she will never want to have kids over to her house. if all they ever do is play with the stupid baby and the friend gets to choose everything they do.... what fun is that?
By 5 or 6 I was adopting a "you girls figure it out" mentality in regards to what they wanted to do, watch, play with etc.
Once the next play-date is scheduled at your house.... I might ask Juliet how many minutes she would like to include Sydney... and what activities she'd like to do while Sydney plays with her and her friend. that gives Juliet some control over HER playdate.... but also teaches her to include her sister.... instead of being FORCED to include her sister for the whole time.
Wow. Toughie. It could be helpful to tell Juliet (with one of your older kids as a side kick) about when she was a baby and older sister's friends wanted to play with her. Then let your older one (after some coaching from you beforehand) tell Juliet how it made them feel and that in the end the friends stayed their friend and that there are just some things that a baby can't do that Juliet can. I don't know if it will eliminate the jealousy, but it might curb it a bit.
I also think that making up some excuses (like you did at the park) before things escalate, could help a lot too.
Good luck and congratulations:)
It doesn't sound to me like she is jealous of her baby sister. It sounds to me like she was at an impasse with her friend. She played what she wanted to play and was ready to move onto something else. She expressed this but no one listened. She expressed it again and no one listened. She finally reached the boiling point.
How is she with her sister any other time?
I think that the next time they have a playdate Sydney should be otherwise occupied so that Juliet can play with her friend one on one. Otherwise this friendship isn't going to fly.
