Hi everyone!
Not sure if this is the norm or just a fluke, but wanted to get some advise so I can do better next time. My son turned 9 recently and we took him and 4 of his friends to an arcade near our house. Two of the boys are in his class at school and two were from our neighborhood. I thought they would all hang together but instead they separated into three groups, the school boys in one group, the neighborhood boys in another and my son by himself. None of them were ever bored, they played ticket games for about an hour, but I still felt a little sad for my son. Is 5 a crowd, like 3 is, should I avoid this in the future?
Thanks,
J.
They were strangers. Next time invite kids that know each other that do stuff together. They'll all have fun that way.
They may not have even noticed. But I think the pairing off had less to do with the number 5, and more to do with the fact that neither of the 2 sets that paired off knew the other set. It was just "natural" for them to do what they did.
Read Leigh's answer again, it's very good.
Kids gravitate toward known entities. It's natural they would split off that way. The laser tag suggestion is great. And yes, there is some evidence to suggest that odd numbers tend to have someone left out. So, do an even number of kids instead next time.
I would not be too concerned. For some of this, it's just boys. They don't see doing things together, the same as girls do. If that same dynamic had happened with girls, I'd be concerned.
You need a whole new mindset for boys. If they don't complain, don't fix it.
They were in an arcade. I take my daughter to the huge arcade at Dave and Buster's near us a time or two each year and I've noticed: There really is no such thing as a five-person game. There are plenty of one and two-player games, "car" races, etc. Maybe three can play some games. But you just don't see five kids doing any one game at the same time. So I think there's no issue -- it could have been the nature of the games. An arcade party is basically one where kids are going to do their own thing.
Did your son say to you that he was unhappy or did he comment in any way on the fact he did his games solo? If not -- then all is probably fine. It's very likely that the kids were playing the games they preferred and if he preferred ones that were not multi-player games, so be it. Maybe one of the groups of boys liked shooter games and the other didn't. Or one group wanted to do simpler games while the other group (or your son, alone) preferred harder ones.
You don't mention whether the boys all then had pizza in a party room, or you took them out for ice cream as a group or whatever. If they were sticking exclusively to each other during those kinds of things, yeah, it might have been better to have just him and one best buddy, but I would not let the arcade behavior bother me at all.
Next time do laser tag and invite 10 kids. Believe me, they'll love it, and yes, they will break up into groups and have a blast and not notice or care.
I'm guessing what happened is that the 2 school boys stayed with each other and the 2 neighbors stayed with each other because they knew each other. Probably each group thought your son was friendlier with the other group and he wound up by himself. If he was okay, that's fine. I personally don't like arcades for a bday party...most of it is individual stuff.
I prefer pool parties or backyard stuff where there are adult led games and the kids play together.
Overall, I find bday parties rather stressful. There's usually some kind of drama (especially with girls, but sometimes boys too). I really prefer activities with one friend
(lots of kids just invite one special friend for birthdays)
The same happens with adults. I have learned that even I work better with one at a time frienships.
You do have to think about who you are inviting and whether or not the kids know each other.
My son (11) has been invited to a sleep over b-day party that I really hesitate to send him to. He has just recently made friends with the boy and all the other boys are friends from the elementary school they attend together last year. I see a huge problem with my son being the odd man out. I'm still thinking about it, I guess I better make up my mind soon since it's next weekend!!
M
