My son will be 6 this summer and still has toilet "accidents" every day. He has never gone 2 days without having an "accident." He is in 1/2 day Kindergarten right now, and holds it until he comes home. I am at my wits end at what to do. Sticker charts bore him, and we've tried taking away privileges (use of computer or hand held games - which he LOVES). We've set a timer for him to go every 40-45 min, but he still has accidents. He has ADHD, and doesn't really care that he's wet or soiled. Any suggestions??
My son saw his pediatrician today, and there was no infection or physical reason why he's having daytime accidents. His Dr. said that my son may not be completely emptying his bladder each time he goes & the urine just builds up until he can't hold it anymore. He also said to physically take him to the bathroom every 45 min. or so to make sure he goes, and for his teacher to do the same. Thank you readers for all of your advice about having him clean up his 'accidents' himself. I know now that it is a power struggle with him and he is doing it for attention. {{sigh}}
Do you have him clean up his accidents?
His underpants, shorts, socks, sheets, floor, toilet area?
I would think he would rather make it to the toilet than have to clean it all up by himself..
Stop changing him.
ADHD is no excuse.
Put him in diapers.
Make him clean all messes, he stops playing and cleans his pants.
He does his own laundry.
Make him take a bath after each mess.
Discuss with Dr.
Do not say another word, he pees he cleans, he poops he cleans. No more attention for dirty pants.
It might be time to let him get a terrible diaper rash. This woud be a natural consequence.
If all else fails there is a medication, DDAVP. It works. But he is too young to start that, I'm talking if he is still wetting his pants at 12.
You need to make him an appointment with the doctor. There is a definite physical or mental problem going on here. This is not in the least bit normal. Stop punishing him until you have him checked out and have a better handle on what the problem is.
As others have said have you mentioned this to his doctor? When I was little I was very late in over night potty training and come to find out I had kidney/bladder issues and needed surgery to correct it. Thank goodness my mom was patient and didn't get mad over my accidents. I would ask a professional for help, they deal with this a lot more than the every day parent.
Take him to the doctor.
I wonder how it would feel to some of the previous moms if they did what they told you to do to their child then found out he had a medical problem that required medical intervention to correct. I would feel horribly guilty if I had made my child feel insecure, dirty and in need of bathing several times a day, and was made to wear diapers instead of pull ups like a big boy.
I do agree that he needs to be seen by a pediatric Urologist as soon as you can get a referral and appointment. Constipation is one of the main issues for night time wetting and dehydration. I think if he doesn't care if he's wet or dry then there is some sensory issues going on. If he doesn't even notice then he's not picking up on the fact that he's wet. Making him do his own laundry won't do anything for that. Making him clean up his pee and pooh messes won't correct that. That will only make him sad and feel bad about himself.
I think putting him in pull-ups is the answer. If he was handicapped you wouldn't even think twice about putting him in them. I will not be spending my time cleaning carpet or sanitizing floors that a simple pull-up can take care of. My time is worth something.
If he is having emotional issues and wanting to do a power struggle then what better way to remove that than take away the mess on the floor.
I agree he is chronologically old enough to be dry during the day time hours. As for night time dryness...my 12 year old grandson still wets every night. But he was most likely molested by his dad or a close family friend. His Urologist has a close eye on him and keeps his progress noted.
I second the other advise about going to the dr & getting him checked out to make sure there is nothing physically wrong that could lead to this.
I also second the advise of the post who suggested he have to clean up everything by himself. He's 6 and fully capable of cleaning up the messes he makes. Here is another tip I read about that may be helpful - barring any physical reason for him having accidents - and if this is just a power struggle or him wanting attention. Just matter of factly lay it out to him that he is old enough to be able to make it to the toilet & if he chooses to go in his pants then the only way he can get clean is to be hosed off with the water hose or a cold shower. Do not get angry, don't yell or anything just proceed to wash him this way. The first time I ever heard of someone doing this the issue cleared up after the first hose down - the weather was warm though a bit windy; no danger of him freezing or anything like that it was just uncomfortable. I understand this may seem a bit extreme - don't do it if you are not comfortable with it.
Again, I would seek a doctor's advice to rule out any health problems that may be causing this. Hope you find a solution.
Who diagnosed him with ADHD? Have you spoken to that therapist about this as I am sure his behavior is related to his ADHD. Is he also bedwetting while sleeping? If he is not, this means it is a behavioral issue and not a medical one. So, if the problem is behavioral and he is almost 6, it is preferable you seek profesional help just to get new ideas. How does school help you? Is he in a regular or special needs program? I am just trying to give you some ideas to explore.
A Baby's Diary founder, D.
Have you discussed this with his pediatrician yet?
Three things.
1. Doctor like others have said.
2. Is he in big boy underwear so that he feels when he goes. Pullups only mask the feeling of wetness. I just bought my son (we are going to start potty training real soon) Blueberry trainers. It has a hidden layer of waterproof fabric so it keeps the mess in, but it still allows him to feel the cold wet cloth.
3.Make him start learning how to clean things up. If it is a power struggle then he will quickly learn that it's not cool.
and a 4th for good measure: I wet my bed till I was 12. Sometime our bodies just don't know what's going on. So if it is something that is medically the matter, try not to get mad at him when he does have an accident. My parents would get furious when I would wet, but i couldn't help it. So lots of loves!
My daughter who is 9 had the same issues. She had accidents daily, sometimes multiple times a day and she didn't seem to care that she was wet or soiled either. I was at my wits end as well. I was stressed, she was stressed, it was awful! I had taken her to a therapist who said she was a little high strung, but there were no glaring psychological issues with her that created this situation. So I finally decided to take her to a Urologist who told us that her bladder was not developed and that it was a physical problem. He said we could treat it with drugs (not an option for me) or use a timer to try to "train" her bladder to go at regular intervals and for her to better identify when she needed to go (before the very last second). It took a great deal of stress off me and her. I was able to let it go and we stopped all the punishments, rewards, etc. It was a physical problem. No rewards or punishments can help. I can't tell you how guilty I felt (still feel) when I think about how I would get upset and yell at her when she had an accident. Or take away privileges for something that was beyond her control. The diagnosis completely changed how I felt and behaved towards her accidents. It was very freeing. I would highly recommend going to a Urologist. My daughter still has nighttime accidents so she wears pull ups to bed, but we don't make a big deal of it. Eventually she will outgrow the nighttime accidents too. Good luck.
Why does he "hold it" until he gets home? I know one of my children didn't like the atmosphere of the school bathrooms so tried her best to wait until she got home. That isn't the healthies thing for a child to do, and may be contributing to him having "accidents" at home.
Some children have small or weak bladders. My guess is that something of that nature may often go along with the ADHD. You may just need to be very patient with him. I would try to teach him to change himself when he does have an accident. Also start showing him how he can help you with the extra laundry. Taking responsibility for our mistakes is often the best way that we can use to train ourselves not to keep making those mistakes.
You need to take him to a pediatric urologist. My daughter is 6 and is having the same issue. It is a bladder development issue. I also am relieved to know that it is not that she just doesn't care, and I am not upset and fighting with her everyday. Now we are working on several things to help her through it.
As long as there is no underlying problem (like urinary, fecal, bodily, etc) then I'd do like Margie suggested and make him clean it all up. Every time. Make him wipe himself down, wipe his pants out and wash them out in the sink, put htem in the laundry and get himself cleaned up adn get new clothes, and wipe up any pee accidents he causes on the floor.
ADHD has nothing to do with it, its a power struggle, right now he's winning by driving you crazy. Show no emotion, tell him to go clean up and wash his underwear out in the sink and get new clothes. A few times of washing is poop underwear out will change his attitude.
And to the poster who said don't degrade him with diapers, use pull ups instead.... what do you think pull ups are? A glorified diaper, nothing more. They do the exact same thing and at 6, any diaper during the day except for extenuating circumstances (physical, etc) is unacceptable!
Make him clean up!
don't worry, my son is 10 and from time to time still wets his bed at night, boy's bladders don't develop as quick as girls, just don't put a major strain on him, that will only make things worse, just don't let him have any liquids to drink ( a small sip of water after brushing) should be good. Make sure he goes PP before bed, and like I said earlier DON'T make him feel bad, and ADHD shouldn't make a difference, sounds like it is an anxiety problem, one person told me to let them go without any pants or under wear on, I never went that far, but...maybe if he wet on himself it might trigger something, good luck, I know I am really tired of smelling pp myself
